Practicing for Retirement

Retirement is not something you can jump right into – it requires hours of practice.  This is especially true if you don’t have hobbies, play a lot of golf, or have the big bucks for travel.  In my situation, let’s also add a younger spouse that will probably continue to work for the next five or six years.  Her travel time will be limited compared to mine.  Plus, we enjoy traveling together, so compromises will need to be made.

How do I transition from the only thing I was ever good at – my professional career to a leisurely retirement?

Let’s start with a poem. It’s about the only hobby I currently have – writing humorous words of wisdom that rhyme.

Retirement coming,
Will the funds be there?
Or will we hear?
The cupboard is bare.

Something to look forward to,
Or something to dread?
Which will it be?
As I look ahead.

Is Social Security,
About to run out?
There certainly is,
A lot of doubt.

Invest and save,
For sixty-six years.
The market goes down,
And it all disappears.

The nest egg is broken,
Is the yoke on me?
The leaves have dried up.
On my money tree.

My Bucket list,
May have a hole.
Sunrise tomorrow,
Is my daily goal.

Those savvy investors,
Will travel at will.
But my only wish,
Is to never be ill.

Money in the bank,
Is one form of wealth.
But given a choice,
I’ll take good health.

Jobless hours,
To fill every day.
Volunteering to do,
Card games to play.

Sudoku, Crosswords,
Reading to do.
I might even try,
To learn something new.

It can’t be that hard,
To fill the time gap.
If you don’t have a hobby,
You just take a nap.

I’ll try retirement,
Until it’s all spent.
And then re-hirement,
May be the requirement.

Is it still retirement,
With part time work
When a former leader,
Is now just a clerk.

Where did the time go?
I’m sure I’ll say.
As exhaustion sets in,
At the end of each day.

Your daily to-dos,
Number only one.
And the day’s soon over,
But you’re only half done.

johnstonwrites.com
Copyright 2011

I’ve had too many friends die on the verge of retirement.  Too many more are in such bad health that they have to retire, and others who will never “get” to retire.  Retirement is supposedly a privilege, something that we’ve worked for all our lives, and a transition that definitely needs to be practiced.  I suggest that a lot of this practice should take place between the ages of 65 and 66, in that difficult year between getting that full Senior Citizen discount and finally collecting Social Security payouts.  Practice makes perfect…right? Since this poem was written over 5 years ago, you see where I’ve been practicing for some time.   Like all great skills, retirement does take practice.   Fortunately, I have a job where I can still work, gradually cutting back on hours, until I seamlessly move into retirement.   If I want to play golf, read a book, see a movie, or write, I simply just don’t let the job get in the way.  I just won’t make as much money – another adjustment that I’m going to have to make.  At this point in my life, retirement is my priority and I’m going to find a way to enjoy it – dammit!

I’m practicing right now when I should be working.  There is a certain sense of guilt that I feel, not putting 100% effort into my career as I’ve done my whole life.  It might even have been 150%, as I hoped to achieve that next level of success.  I had to be on time.  I had to be on top.  I had to win.  Can I just give that up?  No, it will take practice.  I now have to somehow win at retirement.  Maybe travel more than anyone else, read more than anyone else, or perhaps find the secret of life before anyone else does.  It sounds exhausting!

It will require a lot of practice.

I’m additionally challenged with a younger spouse that will no doubt resent my retirement on certain days, wishing that she could be like me.  I’ve tried to assemble a schedule of what a typical week of retirement would look like – so I can practice some of these.

I would start every day with a run, as I have for the last eight years.  I’m a lifetime member of the United States Streak Running Association (USSRA).  No, we don’t run naked through the streets.  Their website is www.runeveryday.com.  It’s comprised of other O.C.D individuals like myself who find a way to run a mile….every day…without fail.  I feel better when I go to the website, knowing their are others who are way more obsessive about this than I am, and some of them are retired.  One thing we all have in common is to find a  way not be on their retired running streak list!

I would also continue to have dog duty every day – another common thread with my current work day.  Perhaps, in retirement, I would take them on longer walks – so they are also concerned about my retirement, and will it interfere with their life of retirement?

I would write two mornings each week, along with laundry on Monday and vacuuming/dusting on Fridays.  I guess I won’t be looking forward to Fridays any more, while Mondays will still be a drag.  I’ve been practicing these skills for the last couple years but I’m still not even close to my wife’s expectations for these duties.   It used to be I would just intentionally screw them up – feigning total incompetency – so that I wouldn’t have to do them.  With her continued work schedule, I’m going to have to get really good at this.  Plus, try to develop some kitchen skills that I’ve also avoided most of my life.  I will need to learn to prepare at least one meal a week, even though she does enjoy doing the cooking.   I’ll also try to do the dry cleaning, food shopping, and other errands that she has somehow managed to do all these years.  I’m really not retiring after all, just starting my own maid service.  Yes, retirement is going to take practice.

We’ve already downsized and moved into a condo, so I guess these were the first steps into retirement.  Yard work will not be part of my retirement.  I will go outside to run and take care of the dogs, and I might do some small hikes and some skiing.  These physical activities,  I have planned for Tuesdays.

We’ll continue to enjoy date nights on Wednesday where we try out new restaurants.  The rules include dinner for just us two with no repeats.  I might also add a date lunch on Fridays to enhance the attention I pay to my working wife (Sugar Mamma).  Every retired person should have one of these luxuries, since pensions, social security, and IRAs only stretch so far.

I may do some volunteering, although this can be a lot like working.  You have to show up at a certain time, cooperate with other people, and leave without an adequate paycheck.  This may require a lot more practice than I think, but Thursday afternoons would fit in my retirement schedule.  I’m also thinking about monitoring some classes at the local colleges.  I like the idea of history classes and being around young people, yet I don’t want to be perceived as a “creepy old man” checking out the young chicks.   Do we have to do homework?  Who will I take to Homecoming?

Museums will also give me a chance to explore the past and put my life in perspective.  I’ve done some practicing here and I find it difficult to really take my time.  I seem to be in a hurry, unable to absorb the treasures around me.  I just want to be done – more practice is in order.  The same thing happens when I travel and even dine.  It’s like I’m in some kind of a race to complete a scorecard of activities or just move on to the next item on life’s list.  I will need to slow down, enjoy my meals, smell the roses, and be more attentive of the beauty that surrounds me.  All I hear are car horns, hurried footsteps, and frantic voices.  I’m worried that I will be unable to shift gears, change speeds, and savor life.  How do you practice this?

Movies and books will be an important part of my retirement plan.  In order to practice, I’ve made a list of the top 100 movies of all time, and have started the process of watching those I haven’t seen (or at least think I haven’t seen).   I remember when video stores still existed and were a ritualistic Friday night stop.  Too many times I would pick out a movie, start to watch it, and slowly begin to realize that I had already seen it.  One of the “sad” benefits of growing older, is forgetting that you’ve already watched a particular movie and getting to watch it again.  As a result, the flow of movies will never end throughout retirement.   There are also many classic novels that I haven’t read, so this should be an added benefit of leisurely time – if I can practice sitting still long enough?

Critical refection on these movies and books will keep my mind active and engaged.  A friend once told me to look for the 5 T’s when evaluating any story.  Does it capture your attention with Tears, Tots, Terriers, Terror, and Tits?  Does it make you cry, involve children and animals, scare you, or arouse you?  Most of the great movies and books incorporate all five elements.  I’ll keep these in mind as I continue to practice keeping me busy and you engaged in my writing.

Weekends and evenings with my wife should remain the same, unless I somehow project the perception that I’m a bum with no job and useless around the house.  If this be the case, retirement won’t have changed me a bit and all of this practice will have gone for nothing. 

Watching sports is the most critical component in my retirement plan – whether this is on TV or in person.   Living on the West Coast, I get my games earlier, so it does not screw up my afternoons or evenings, and many times I can enjoy a game while having lunch.  With the Cubs success, baseball has become my favorite sport, at least until college basketball starts.  The difference is that baseball often leads to napping, particularly during innings two through six.  I’ve been practicing watching sports all my life, utilizing  radio, mobile score updates, multiple TV screens, streaming, and fantasy games to excessively multi-task.  Baseball, in particular, brings back many childhood memories, and the enjoyment of collecting cards and stale bubble gum.

Every kid has a favorite player, typically someone who has achieved greatness in his or her sport.  Unfortunately, mine appears to be Hall of Fame caliber through my eyes only.  I will write more about #10 Sherm Lollar, Chicago White Sox catcher, in a separate post that I will call the “Case For Sherm.”  Somehow Sherm had a powerful influence on my mediocre sports career – maybe I should have gone with Mickey Mantle like everyone else?  Mickey seems to be the centerpiece of every baseball card collection.  I recently started a Sherm Lollar baseball card collection, just to be different.  I figured it would cost a lot less money, as an effort to practice the art of card collecting that I started as a youth.

I seem to be more of a completest than a collector, as I continue to practice patience, an important ingredient in the successful retirement formula.  My mother and grandfather left me a stamp collection, and my childhood neighbor got me into coin collecting and baseball cards.  So, the idea of getting back into collecting is deeply rooted in those enjoyable childhood years, long before working and retirement ever entered my mind.  It would be great to get back there, collecting Coca-Cola bottle caps from around the world, sea shells, butterflies to be mounted, leaves to be identified.  The only problem is that, as a child, I was never good at practicing anything.  As a result, I wasted some potential skills that I could have used in retirement like learning to play the piano or saxophone.  Both of which I refused to practice and therefore never learned to play.  See what happens when you don’t practice?

I could have completed my penny collection or my baseball card collection if I had just stuck with it.  Family, career, and other priorities got in my way.  Is there still a chance to go back in time and finish what I started?  That may be just what retirement is for – trying to be a kid again, although with less energy and more patience.  I’m ready to give it a try.

Practice To be continued……