I had another Hallmark moment, as I begin to write my own get-well cards. I will have to file it in the “Of Questionable Bad Taste” in my notebook. This one just took a few minutes to write after sitting in a file for many years. It simply needed a little inspiration, as I begin to plan for surgery.
Same Old Fart
“Get off my lawn,”
Just playing the part.
After passing seventy,
I’m now an old fart.
Don’t need a new hip,
Or even two knees.
But need a new heart,
Despite no disease.
I’ve skipped the small stuff,
Gone right to the top.
Jumped right into surgery,
Without even a hop.
They’ll make me bionic,
With some pig parts.
I’ll be like those heartless,
Grumpy Old Farts.
Then, they’ll work on my eyes,
To help me better see.
And tweak my prostrate,
So I can freely pee.
With all these changes,
I’ll still be me.
But a whole lot poorer,
After doctor fees.
They will poke and prod,
Make me pee in a cup.
Cut and paste,
Then stitch me up.
I’ll have to stop running,
Lifting heavy things.
Maybe the painkillers,
Will give me wings?
Recovery will be brutal,
As I show off my scars.
But better than the alternative,
So thanking my lucky stars.
Will this make me,
An even older fart?
Or will it give me,
A fresh youthful start?
Copyright 2023 johnstonwrites.com
Warranties have saved me thousands of dollars since buying this new Florida home. We just had a pool light go out just the other day that would have cost $800 or more but was fully covered, just months short of expiration. Furnace repairs have been at a savings thanks to a maintenance agreement and warranty. We’ve had roof damage, refrigerator repairs, and the lanai screens that all were fixed for free. I also have a termite warranty and limited arrangements with other appliances. The lanai screens alone would have been more than $2,000 to repair. However, many of these agreements are beginning to pass their deadlines, so future work may not be as friendly.
The question is which warranties to buy since you can’t afford to cover everything. Our car is long past its warranty, but I still get e-mails, letters, and phone calls that it may have expired. It’s one of the great jokes of our times and certainly doesn’t help with credibility in deciding whether to buy. There are so many things that can go wrong when you have three refrigerators, washer, dryer, garage door opener, microwave, four TV’s, hot water heater, pool heater & pump, air conditioner (since we don’t have to worry much about heat), oven, dishwasher, garbage disposal, and numerous small appliances/electronics.
In the past, I’ve found that a homeowner’s warranty can be a real hassle, waiting for service work or parts because you can’t necessarily choose your repair service. I currently don’t have one and may regret this decision. Repairs can destroy a household budget, particularly those of us with fixed, retirement income. Travel and repair costs make me worry about adding a part-time job. This takes all the fun out of retirement. Insurance covers some things, if they don’t nickel and dime you with co-pays, but there’s always a concern about a major setback. The same thing applies to medical insurance, another potential for bankruptcy. I’m learning entirely too much about doctor and hospital costs as I prepare for several surgeries. I never had to worry about this previously, let alone try to budget for the worst.
I often hold my breath when I start the car or open the refrigerator door. It seems to be Murphy’s Law that the more money you have the more can go wrong, but it would be nice to have more money when things do go wrong. Will the light come on or the engine turn over? Keeping my fingers crossed! In the meantime, I continue to change lightbulbs/filters, perform minor maintenance, and worry, hoping to never get the response that there is no warranty, or it has recently expired.
The New York Times suddenly ended my Wordle streak that had exceeded 200 straight solves. It looks like all my streaks are in jeopardy. Running is now at 5,435 consecutive days and counting, as I await a date for open heart surgery. I always seem to breathe better the day after my weekly Chair Yoga session, as I use the discipline of inhaling and exhaling during my strides. I still have no idea how this heart issue is affecting my performance physically and psychologically. Logically, I should have more energy post-surgery, perhaps to the point where I can start a new streak, as is the case with Wordle. I get the opportunity to start fresh, with now a 100% solve rate after this first puzzle. I was only at 99% in just over 600 attempts.
Tonight, I join a few of the Borrego Boyz at the British Open Pub, while the wives have a book club meeting. Mine got the day off yesterday from substitute teaching but got a call early this morning to come in for work. As a result, Tally and I were up early. She is sitting in my chair hoping for a golf cart ride, but I’m waiting for a neighbor to stop by. He’s taking a box of garage clutter that holds the original two, decorative, outdoor lights that were on each side of our garage door when we moved in 2 1/2 years ago. In an effort to help distinguish our home from the surrounding, similar models, we bought new ones. We were following the lead of the folks across the street, who boldly decided to buck the strict HOA policy of getting board approval before making changes. It became the talk of the neighborhood, with one neighbor who jokingly placed an insistent phone call, impersonating a Mr. White from the homeowner’s association. We really weren’t sure if they honestly might force him to restore the original uniform lights, so I kept my lanterns just in case. I think it’s been long enough now that they are no longer an issue, so I can safely pass them down to someone else.
Tonight begins an exhausting streak of social activities that extends through the entire weekend. We’ll be dining out or entertaining each night. School is closed next week for the Thanksgiving holiday, so we’ll both get a break. Then, we’ll celebrate with a group of friends at Flynn’s in downtown Venice for a turkey dinner, kicking off the Ho-Ho-Ho season. December will tell the tale of my heart, allowing enough time to recuperate from the surgery to make the Cross-Atlantic Viking cruise in mid-March. Life goes on while streaks may not.