I have an occasional “lazier than usual” day, meaning that I just can’t get going. After four days of being on the go, I simply didn’t get the week off to a productive start. It was the same pattern when I was working just prior to my retirement, as it took all day Monday to recover from the weekend. I’m definitely slowing down; even my morning runs take longer.  I want to say that there are good days and bad days even in retirement, but actually the bad days are even good. I felt a bit sluggish even taking out the trash and the skies were gray, so there wasn’t much to motivate me, but there will be better days ahead.

Today is my day to cook and I’ll soon put a chuck roast in the slow cooker to make Italian Beef sandwiches. They were always my favorite at Wrigley Field, and remind me of a baseball game in the summertime. My wife is headed to Vegas on business tomorrow, so this will keep me fed the rest of this week. I hope the rain stops and I can take the dogs to the coast for a romp on the sand while she’s away. They are now on a chicken and rice diet and will be disappointed when they get a whiff of the Italian Beef. Maybe Tally can have a bite or two when Tinker isn’t looking, just like we do with our morning eggs. Tinker is allergic to so many things, and we are constantly looking for ways to control her itching, even at the expense of her favorite foods.

I ordered Christmas gifts for my grandkids yesterday, taking advantage of Cyber Monday sale prices. Just getting some of this troublesome shopping done gets me in a better holiday mood. I’m beginning to notice some holiday lighting around the neighborhood, but was never one for outside decorating. A friend posted yesterday that “homes decorated on the outside are happier on the inside.” I think that in some cases, it’s simply an excuse to get out of the house and away from the family hassles. Also, judging from many of the displays I observe, some people should not openly show off their poor taste in decorating for everyone to see and question. It’s bad enough that they don’t keep up their lawns or trim their bushes, so darkness is often a relief. Instead, they show off their laziness by stringing lights carelessly around the front yard that looks like colorful vomit. Maybe it was the result of too much eggnog, They don’t have to look at it because they are happily inside, while the rest of us drive by wondering what they were thinking. I simply put a wreath on the front door. Bah Humbug!

I was never one for excessive decorating and once thought about installing a Lazy Susan in the corner of my living room. It would rotate into a storage room, so the Christmas Tree could disappear or reappear without ever having to take it apart. A chair, end table, and lamp would be on the opposite side of the turntable, restoring the corner to a non-holiday look for the first eleven months of the year. The day after Thanksgiving, I’d simply push a button and the Christmas Tree would rotate into position. Now that’s decking the halls! I also never understood why holiday lights were still up in March, or the height of laziness from those who never took them down. It’s like they thought no one noticed, when they “cleverly” plugged them in each year. Inflatables should also be restricted to the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, and not on someone’s front porch. More Bah Humbug!

Fortunately, experts have come to our aid. Professional decorators are available to tastefully light our homes, and save us from falling off ladders. They do the work, and we write a check if we’re lucky enough to get that year-end bonus. If not, homeowners can now buy trees with built-in lights, and shower cap like mesh to cover your bushes with lights that are equally distributed. Nowadays, homes no longer have to look like they were wired by a drunken, angry madman. I always felt that there were men who purposely did a poor decorating job just to spite their nagging wives who forced them out in the cold to put up the lights when they could have been watching football. I’m sure their Christmas wish was that they’d never have to do it again, once the neighbors filed a complaint with the Association.

As an old man, I’m also against fireworks and loud explosives in celebration of the holidays when they’re done in a neighbors back yard. Admittedly, I once thought it was cool to buy illegal firecrackers, M-80’s, smoke bombs, cracker balls, and sky rockets. We would always stop in Tennessee on our drive back from Florida each year and stock-up on gunpowder goodies that were always conveniently located next to liquor stores, gun shops, and strip clubs. I soon learned that fireworks were dangerous, annoying, and cruel to animals, veterans, and neighbors, and that there was a reason why they were outlawed in so many states. I do enjoy a good fireworks show in a controlled environment. By the way, I also don’t like honking horns and screaming children. Now, get off my yard!

Honestly, the main reason why I don’t decorate outside is because I’m lazy. What you put up – you have to take down, so if you don’t take the first step then you don’t have to do the last. There was also that one bulb that would burn out and render the whole string worthless, not to mention having to climb into the spooky attic to retrieve the boxes of ornaments, lights, wreathes, and tangled electrical cords. The cold Midwest temperatures and early freezes also made it difficult to maneuver a ladder into position, and thoughts of Clark Griswold stapling his shirt sleeve to a second story soffit gives me the shivers. I’m also scared of heights and do not enjoy the outdoors, so I am much happier if I don’t take the trouble to decorate. I do however enjoy criticizing those who do are not so lazy when it comes to holiday decorating.