As I continue to learn more about the Knights Templar quest for the Holy Grail through the History Channel’s Knightfall series, and follow the modern day hunt by brothers Rick and Marty Lagina  on The Curse of Oak Island, I find myself curious about other biblical stories. In the process, I thought I might put my own personal twist on the original Ten Commandments.  As a courtesy reminder here they are:              
  1.           You shall have no other Gods before ME.
  2.          You shall not make idols.
  3.          You shall not take the name of the LORD your God in vain.
  4.          Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy.
  5.          Honor your father and your mother.
  6.          You shall not murder.
  7.          You shall not commit adultery.
  8.          You shall not steal.
  9.          You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.
  10.          You shall not covet.
Now, here is my silly take on the Ten Commandments. What I call the CommandMEnts – because they’re all about ME:
  1.          I shall live like GOD is looking over ME to keep ME honest.
  2.           I shall have IDOLS like my dad, catcher Sherm Lollar, and Billy.
  3.           I will not use offensive language, except with I.U. basketball
  4.           I will RUN on the Sabbath and every other day of the week.
  5.          I shall honor adopted father & mother and find my birth parents.
  6.          I shall not murder, with the exception of mosquitoes.
  7.         I shall not commit adultery – it’s childish to fool around.
  8.         I shall not steal, unless it’s second base. 
  9.         I shall not be a nosy neighbor, and to pay the HOA fees on time. 
  10.         I shall always COVET Diet Coke and an Arby’s Jamocha Shake.
I hope I’m not struck by lightening for being so sacrilegious, but I tend to make fun of things I don’t understand. I do feel somewhat safer since I did go to church and leave an offering on one occasion last year – a big improvement over the year before. Furthermore, as I’m already on very thin ice, let me continue with Ten Final Thoughts on Religion:
  1.         Never criticize another’s beliefs of any kind.
  2.         Study the Bible as an important historical document.
  3.         Never waste prayers on your team to win because one team always loses.
  4.         Keep an open mind and forgiving heart for those whose beliefs are different.
  5.         Hope there is no Hell and never wish that someone goes there.
  6.         Be thankful that you don’t work on Sundays, and for heathens that do.
  7.         Enjoy any religious holiday, especially if you get gifts. 
  8.         What would travel be without Churches and religious artifacts to see?
  9.         What would comedians joke about without religion and politics?
  10.         Religion is the greatest mystery of all. What would we do without it?