After recently discovering the birth record and census information on the woman I believe to be my birth mother, I’ve been working in Ancestry.com to build the Banister Family Tree. It’s invigorating to now have a family tree that extends beyond myself, my son, and his children, as has been the case for some time. A 66 year mystery is beginning to unfold, and I’m hoping to resolve some of the questions that have haunted me through the years. Honestly, I do not know what to do next. I currently do not have a specific address for my birth mother, only her 61 year old son through her first marriage. I have put in a friend request through Facebook, using my Jerry Lee Banister alias. I have also contacted two cousins through Ancestry.com and Geni, but there has been little feedback.

I’m assuming I am, after all, the “dirty family secret,” that will be greeted with extreme caution. Back in 1951, when I was born, most adoptions were handled under strict legal cover, and young, unmarried, pregnant women were often shunned by friends and family, and then sent away to give birth. According to the adoption agency’s “social and medical background information,” she was 18 years old and had completed her junior year in high school. This was probably Shelbyville High School in Indiana, with the “home for unwed mothers” in Indianapolis, only about 30 miles away. As I’ve written on several occasions, it was shocking for me to once discover that the home where I was cared for following birth and that housed my birth mother in anticipation of delivery was directly across the street from where I worked in Indianapolis. In fact, the view from my office window was a parking lot where this facility once stood. I’m guessing, my adoptive parents picked me up from that location two months after I was born and moved me to their home in Elkhart, Indiana, 150 miles north. Like a homing pigeon, 35 years later my career took me back to Indianapolis and that neighboring office to where I originally lived. I was actually interviewing for that job, when my media friend gave me the name and address of my birth mother, Edna Faye Bannister (actually Banister). It struck me prior to the interview, that it was destiny for me to work in that neighborhood and not surprising when I got the job. Several years later I moved into the office that reminded me every day of my roots.

Edna is now within reach, but I’m not sure how to approach her? Would it embarrass her to reveal this secret to her family, or do they already know? The more important question is whether or not my birth was a result of a love affair with an unknown Marine (as per the adoption paperwork) or of a rape? I mention this because there have been numerous cases where the birth mother has not been receptive to a reunion, and rape was one of several traumatic situations encountered. I’m just trying to be sensitive to her privacy, but I will never know unless I ask. I’m hoping that because she named both me and her legitimate son Jerry Lee that she felt a bond of fondness with me at birth. She’s currently approaching 85 years old and looks healthy in recent pictures, but I also don’t know if that is still the case. In addition, there’s a sense of urgency because of her age to act quickly.

My research has uncovered that she has been married at least twice, and has lost both of her sons from the second marriage, so she’s had her share of tragedy with regard to children. I would like to tell her “thank you” from the standpoint of my parents, who were able to have a child when they couldn’t conceive. However, that may also be an insult to her if it was her parents who forced her to give me up for adoption. I’m just fortunate that they didn’t choose abortion. I will continue to contemplate this situation that is by no means anything but positive for me. In the meantime, I will continue to build my new Family Tree currently dating back to Laborn Banister born in 1801. All those green leaves will surely keep me busy in retirement, as I continue to search for family connections.