It’s good to be a bastard, especially considering the abortion alternative! Maybe I’ve just spent to much time watching shows like Game of Thrones and Vikings where bloodlines determine royalty and children out-of-wedlock are looked upon with disdain? Masterworks like The Scarlett Letter by Nathanial Hawthorne explore themes of legalism, sin, judgement, and guilt. When I think of Hester Prynne’s scarlett “A”, I can’t help but feel sorry for the shame that my own birth mother must have experienced being pregnant with me. Undoubtedly, I’ve stirred up some angry feelings in trying to contact her.

I’ve found through the years that a sense of humor is the only sane way to deal with matters where others tend to be so judgmental. As a result, I’ve tried to focus on the positive side of bastardhood. After all, “bastard” seems like such a hard word and takes on such an ugly connotation. In fact, it’s derived from the Medieval Latin word “bastardus.” However, there is always a certain amount of intrigue, mystique, and romance behind any illegitimate relationship, dating back to even Adam & Eve.  There can also be elements of cruelty and hypocrisy that lead to behind-the-back whispers. Much has changed in the 67 years since my birth, but the very thought of being sent out of town and hidden away to give birth makes me both sad & angry.

This is the way my life started out, in temporarily derailing the life of an 18-year old girl. It only makes sense that she might want to forget about it. I just want her to know that being a bastard has turned out to be a good thing for many of us. I did not obviously reach the notoriety of some of those in the club, but thanks to a young couple that couldn’t have children of their own, I became their baby – so thank you. They gave me every opportunity to succeed, but not quite to the level of these six lucky bastards:

Confucius (ca. 551-479 BCE)

“The early life of K’ung-Fu-tzu, better known in the West as Confucius, is largely a mystery. Born in the feudal kingdom of Lu, Confucius served as an adviser on political matters and court etiquette to several Chinese leaders during the mid-to- late 500s BCE. The circumstances of Confucius’s own birth, however, are hardly up to any Emily Post standards. According to the first complete biography of Confucius, the Shiji, his dad, a warlord named Shu Liang He, and his mom, a member of the Yan clan, “came roughly together,” indicating either a rape, concubinage, or some other sort of extramarital shenanigan. His low birth, however, didn’t stop him from attracting plenty of highborn followers, many of whom protected him when his outspoken manner offended his various employers.”

Leonardo da Vinci (1452 -1519)

“Everyone knows of Leonardo da Vinci, the well-rounded man who could be a painter, a naturalist, an engineer, a metallurgist, or a philosopher with equal ease. It’s considerably less well known that this personification of the Renaissance was actually the son of a notary, Ser Piero, and a peasant girl of somewhat “easy virtue.” In fact, the two simply took a tumble in the hay together before going their separate ways and providing Leonardo, from their marriages to other people, with 17 half brothers and sisters. Needless to say, these assorted half siblings were none too fond of their renowned relation, whose birth was something of an embarrassment, and on his father’s death in 1503 they conspired to deprive him of his share of the estate. Leonardo had the last laugh, however, when the death of an uncle led to a similar inheritance squabble, leaving him with sole custody of the uncle’s lands and property.”

Thomas Paine (1737-1809) and Alexander Hamilton (1755-1804)

“Two of the best-known fathers of the American republic, Thomas Paine and Alexander Hamilton, were the results of extramarital affairs. Paine, whose Common Sense helped bring widespread support to the American Revolution, and whose other writings, like the anti-Bible tract The Age of Reason, scandalized all and sundry, had to flee England a step ahead of treason charges. In the end, however, he died penniless in the United States. Hamilton, on the other hand, was the illegitimate son of West Indian colonials, and made a name for himself as a brilliant orator and writer. He eventually became one of the leaders of the American Federalist Party, but had the misfortune to be challenged to a duel by Aaron Burr. He also had the even greater misfortune of accepting, bringing his career to a dramatic close one fine New Jersey morning.”

Lawrence of Arabia (1888-1935)

“The illegitimate son of a knight and his children’s nanny, T. E. Lawrence became the model for generations of British diplomats blindly idolizing all things Arabian. One of the organizers of the much-touted (but in reality fought more on paper than on the battlefield) Arab revolt against the Turks during World War I, Lawrence later became embittered with Britain’s imperial policy and spent the last few years of his life sulking and tinkering with motorcycles (he died in a motorcycle accident). Though he largely tried to keep a low profile, his much-exaggerated accomplishments led to him being dubbed “Lawrence of Arabia.”

Eva Peron (1919-1952)

“Saint Evita” was the daughter of an adulterous relationship between two villagers in an impoverished part of Argentina. She made a name for herself as an actress before marrying Juan Peron in 1944, but, being illegitimate (and a peasant), she was never really accepted in the social circles in which he routinely traveled. As a rising military officer, Peron quickly found himself dictator of Argentina, and “Evita” was by his side. In fact, she was there to do more than just wave at crowds and manage the mansion. Evita actually ran several government ministries and almost became vice president in 1951 (the military bullied Peron into making her drop out of the campaign). And though she’s best known to many from the musical and movie that bear her name, you really shouldn’t feel obligated to cry for her. While the flick plays up the glamour and romance of her career, it largely ignores her corruption, oppression of political rivals, cozying up to Nazi war criminals, and other questionable doings.”***

Bastards Unite! We’re in good company. We may have been born as lemons, but we’ve made lemonade.

***From Mental Floss: 6 Famous Bastards Who Made Their Mark by Mangesh & Jason