Thanks to a fellow Banister, I was able to find Susan Smith on my Ancestry.com chart. (See Post #807). This was particularly exciting because it’s very very close DNA connection to my birth mother. In fact, her sister’s daughter. I sent her a note last week, but she’s obviously leery about responding. I can’t say I blame her; after all, I’m a total stranger out-of-the-blue claiming to be a relative. It helps that I have the support of other Banister family members in my quest to determine the true identities of my birth parents.

I was adopted in October of 1951, only a few months after I was born. I have no reason to be critical of the decision that a 17-year old high school student had to make after finding out she was pregnant. I don’t even know the circumstances of the relationship she had with a 19-year old boy. He had already graduated and had enlisted in the Marines, so he was probably not even aware of her predicament. In fact, he would be engaged to another young woman before I was even born.

She had four older sisters (+10, +9, +7, +4) and three brothers (+6 and +2 twins), so she might have gone to them for advise before she approached her parents. Also, there might have been a close girlfriend from school that she could confide in? Once she told her mom, she would undoubtedly have been cut-off from the world. Dad probably didn’t speak to her for weeks, and she would have been left alone to wallow in shame. To make matters even more humiliating, the birth father was a distant cousin, so she had no choice but to protect his identity and maybe even “lie” about being raped. It was not her fault, but she didn’t want to get anyone else in trouble. Abortion might have been considered, or running away, but ultimately she was sent out of town to give birth. The fewer people that knew – the more her dignity was preserved, and she never returned to high school where the rumor mill was probably running wild.

She eventually found a job and lived on her own in a bigger city, a place where no one knew her, hoping to put this miserable year of her life in the past. Eventually, she moved-on, had another son, and got married. Who knows if she ever got any support from her family? It was a traumatic experience, and the only way to deal with it was to forget, and never talk about it again. Sixty-six years later, I show up with DNA evidence and begin to ask a lot of questions from her relatives. The only way she can cope is through denial. This is probably why I will never meet her.

My birth mother’s oldest sister, Helen, might have known the truth, but she died 13 years ago. All the other siblings have passed with the exception of 89-year old Eva Joyce. Helen had four children of her own; the youngest is Susan Barker, who married Mark Smith. However, with such a common last name it was difficult to determine any connection on my genealogy charts. Her Facebook profile indicated that she was from Crawfordsville, Indiana and had a common “friend.” I always feel like a stalker when I’m forced to do background checks on close DNA matches. However, she didn’t answer my inquiries. Instead, she’s probably shocked to find out that her aunt is my birth mother, and we are technically “first cousins.” Surprise!

I doubt that I’ll hear back from Susan, but our common DNA data supports the suspicions and documentation of my birth mother’s identity as Edna Faye Banister. Originally, all I wanted to know from Edna was the name of the father, but I doubt that anyone knows. Ironically, it is also DNA that confirms his identity to likely be Cecil Ralph Banister. This was all a result of spitting into a test tube and making a few Banister connections over the past year. For me, it’s all a matter of closure, especially since my adopted parents have both now passed away. I want nothing more than the truth, and will continue to “follow the saliva” in its pursuit, as gross as that may seem!