I’ve recently being going to a local acupuncture center to be treated by an Asian doctor. Like every medical professional, he wanted to know of any health related issues that may have been passed on by my parents. I’ve always claimed to have been adopted with no knowledge of this history. In the past few years, with the discovery of my birth parents, I’ve gotten bits and pieces of this important information, but remain mostly uninformed. I’ve been in touch with the family of my birth father to know that he developed lymphoma. Those on the side of the birth mother, however, have not provided any feedback. I explained this to the doctor and he offered a story from one of his former patients, as he was inserting needles in my back. 

He profoundly told me when we first discussed adoption a few sessions ago that I was a completely different person now than when I was born, so there was probably no longer any connection with the birth mother. With this in mind, he observed that “I simply came through her… not from her.” (See Post #1009). In other words, she provided the window or gateway that gave me access into this world. From the moment that we parted ways in the adoption home, both of us took on separate lives to the point where we don’t really know each other any more. In a similar sense, his patient had given up a son at age 17 to adoption and it ultimately affected her health. She had trouble with future relationships, weight gain, and bouts of unexplained depression that led to physical and emotional pain. He treated her for years, as she was on the verge of suicide. Suddenly, she lost 25 pounds, quit smoking, and made frequent trips to the gym, finding that most of her pain was gone. As she eventually explained to the doctor, she had been contacted by this long-lost son and they were now in regular communication. 

As time went on, they decided to take a trip together and get to know each other. He had earned two doctorates and had homes on both Park Avenue and in Paris, and traveled extensively. He took her on a 35-day world trip to 21 different cities but they never bonded. They were completely different people despite their bond of birth. The family that adopted him were founders of the Toshiba Corporation and he was raised with servants. private schools, and social skills. Although they eventually separated once again, he set her up with ownership of 45 properties along the Oregon Coast and she became very wealthy. Her newfound money allowed her to set-up an education fund for immigrants from the Far East. All that guilt that she had been carrying about giving up her son was now forgotten and necessary closure was complete, although it’s sad they never got along in the end. 

From what I’ve read, mother-child reunions can take many twists. I’m certainly not in a position to help my birth mother financially, but I do feel that it would be a relief for her to see how successful my life has been. Perhaps, her recent heart issues are related to my fruitless attempts to get in touch. It may very well be that my lower back issues that caused me to seek acupuncture may be a result not being able to psychologically “move on” from finding answers to my existence. Sadly, I know that she has had a tougher life than me, having lost two sons. I’m glad that her remaining son and daughter are supportive, and obviously protective of my efforts to contact her.

On a related note, I’m still trying to find my connection with Joyce Gourley, who shows up as my strongest DNA connection on 23andMe. Her birth name was Nancy Ferris, the third daughter of Jack Duane Ferris and Betty Louis Burton. She was adopted at age 2 and her name was changed to Joyce. I’m not sure if Gourley is a married name, but I believe that the Banister connection is through the Burton family. Over the past couple months, I’ve added about 250 Burton’s to my Ancestry.com tree, but I’ve yet to come across a common relative. Genealogy work like this sometimes takes more patience than I have. Joyce initially responded to my e-mails, but recently has gone dark. By the same token, I’m also searching my connection with Terry Grimshaw who I visited with a few months ago but have yet to find our common link. I have to seek as many allies as I possibly can in my continuing quest for closure.