Category: CREATURE FEATURES (Page 28 of 38)

Lions and Tigers and Bears, Oh My! (Plus dogs and cats)

Retirement is not without Hassles: What’s That Smell? #565

June 18, 2018 / mikeljohnston1 / 0 Comments

It’s been seven years since we’ve returned to Decatur, Illinois. It is the city that welcomed me with open arms 13 years ago, but turned out to be my first step to retirement, as I exited with my tail between my legs. I’m staying at the Fairfield Inn, the place where I first really began to accumulate Marriott Rewards Points. It was my home for several months in the move here after Indianapolis, Zionsville, and Lafayette. I remember the excitement in coming here as the TV station’s new General Manager, and preparing for my first public speech to the community in the mirror of this very hotel. My wife would come on weekends, but we would have to move to the Comfort Inn across the street because of our dog Belle, who loved to ride the elevator in her old age. She was reluctant to move here, but supported my career.

I had a big job ahead of me, one that would shape my future with the company, and I worked hard to endear myself to the three largest communities that formed our primary coverage area – Springfield, Champaign-Urbana, and Decatur. We wanted to take advantage of a flip in network affiliation that suddenly made us the NBC affiliate, with Newscenter 17 as our newly established slogan. In somewhat of a welcome surprise, my wife soon joined me as General Sales Manager of the station, a move that was more beneficial to me than to her. To make a long story short, after several years as a husband-and-wife team, our viewer ratings and revenue grew to the point where our parent company was able to profit from our sale. The new owners were not comfortable with our marital relationship and chauvinistically disrespectful of my wife’s exceptional sales & management skills. She quickly decided to accept a position with our former company down in Austin, Texas. It’s when I began to lick my wounds and started to “practice for retirement.”

The new owners decided that it was in their best interest to remove me from office, and even left me without a car to get home. I walked “the aisle of shame” out of the TV station and the city of Decatur, and to make matters worse the local economy made it impossible to sell our home for over 5-years. We made a lot of great friends in the area, people that we always stay in touch with, but that doesn’t totally get the “bad taste” out of my mouth. This is only humorous because the first noticeable thing about arriving in the town was the distinct “smell” of the corn processing plants. I was immediately told, “that’s the smell of money!” Add that smell to the bad taste in my mouth, and it’s been a difficult sensory experience here the last couple of days. I’ve had no desire to go by the house or the station, but getting together with old friends was worth the detour here.

I’ve always maintained that this retirement blog is mostly a selfish endeavor. I enjoy doing it and it’s a lot cheaper than therapy. The computer is my couch, as I express my frustrations, accomplishments, goals, and hopes. Like many other people approaching the age of sixty, the job market shrinks, and chances for advancement diminish. My wife continues to see her career flourish at this age, but she’s the exception rather than the rule. The last seven years of my career were taxing and unrewarding. If it weren’t for the company that gave me the Decatur opportunity and the pension they provide for me in retirement, I would not be enjoying this time of my life. I wish things had turned out differently in Decatur, and I’m trying my best to let bygones-be-bygones.

This trip was part of our spring Midwest Marriott Tour that has included a range of hotels from Fairfield to JW Marriott. Yesterday, we were 33-stories over Indianapolis in a luxury setting, and today we’re in the midst of a hot-asphalt parking lot surrounding the half-empty mall. The extreme in accommodations closely matches the ups-and-downs of my career, with the lowest point being my last days in Decatur. I did not realize until this morning that there is a brand new Residence Inn just across the street that would have made our stay a little more pleasant for just a few more points. Conversely, the extended stay at the Fairfield Inn in the first few months that I lived here was definitely one of the high points, as I prepared to seize the opportunity of re-branding and re-organizing a “new” TV station. At that time, the “Smell of Success” was stronger!

Retirement is not without Hasssles: Family Ties #557

June 9, 2018 / mikeljohnston1 / 0 Comments

“And they’re off!” Appropriate words on the day when Justified wins the Triple Crown. Instead, they signify the beginning of another adventure as we travel back home again to Indiana. This time, however, we fly into St. Louis instead of Chicago O’Hare or Indianapolis. We’ll spend the night there and drive through Illinois tomorrow, arriving in the Hoosier state in time for dinner with my wife’s mother.

We already went through the “you’re on vacation while it’s just another day for me” discussion, as my wife gets a well-deserved week off from work. She got through last week by dreaming of the Viking Ultimate World Cruise. We can only hope that this incentive lasts four more years until she joins me in retirement.

I’m sure she would rather be traveling elsewhere – say Bali. These quarterly visits to her home town eat up most of her vacation time at considerable expense. Only my sister, her kids, and grandchildren are left for me to visit, but mostly we stay in touch by phone. There just isn’t enough time to cover all our bases in the state, so I try to get with them for Christmas each year. They are celebrating the high school graduation of my nephew’s step-daughter this weekend. They are all growing up fast.

The Midwest tour will include a trip to my 96-year old mother-in-law’s doctor, a visit with my newborn great nephew, a couple of nights with my brother & sister-in-law, lunches & dinners with friends, some research on my birth mother’s family, and a Cubs vs. Cardinals game at Busch Stadium.

Our pets are home with a house sitter. Tinker our 100-year old schnauzer a.k.a “the poopingist pup on the planet,” was left pouting on the rug in my office as we tried to sneak our luggage out to the car. Tally, her younger sister, will like the attention and exercise she’ll get in our absence. Her eye is healing thanks to steroids, and we’re thankful that the biopsy proved benign. Otherwise, she might have become a Pirate dog sporting an eye-patch. AARRRRR….

It’s Father’s Day tomorrow, and I will probably hear from my son who lives in Florida. He’s busy with a new baby that I won’t see until our next trip to Illinois in two months. Hopefully, she won’t be graduating from high school in a blink of an eye. We’ll all meet at Wrigley Field, a sacred spot for my son and I. We took my grandson there when he was a baby, and my granddaughter a few years later. My son’s wife is from Chicago so they happen to be visiting for their annual vacation.

Keeping up with family is our greatest challenge. Only my wife’s eldest daughter lives nearby in Portland, while her youngest daughter is in D.C. I’m stopping over to meet my granddaughter in Chicago on the way to shake hands with a man who may soon become my (step) son-in-law. We’ll all have dinner in DC before they come to Portland for a wedding. It’s all part of the engagement process, or at least we hope.

So, we’re off for another “Planes, Trains, and Automobile” experience. “Back Home Again in Indiana,” where my wife and I met and had our children. Now, everyone is spread out all over the country, and we look for opportunities to get together as a family. It’s hard to believe that I’m actually trying to add a birth mother and other potential dna-based cousins to an already overwhelming puzzle of relatives. I don’t even have time to stay in touch with the Indiana cousins from the parents who adopted me 66 years ago, except through Facebook. Oh, the family ties that bind me!

Retirement is not without Hassles: Powerless #551

June 4, 2018 / mikeljohnston1 / 0 Comments

I felt powerless this weekend, as electronic hassles dominated my time. The wine cooler wasn’t cooling, the garage door wasn’t opening, the internet was out, and the TV went dark. I could blame it all on sun-spots or aliens jamming the circuits, but some of it was my fault. All of the cable problems were the result of a plug in the closet that I inadvertently knocked out of its socket. As I was on the phone to Comcast it had suddenly occurred to me that I was rooting around in the closet where some of the equipment is housed. At least I didn’t pay for a repairman to come out to plug it in for me.

Not having the TV on in our bedroom caused my wife to lose a night’s sleep. She does not like any seepage of light into our room or any foreign sounds, but can somehow drift-off into dreamland with the TV on. I can’t tell you the number of times she forgets to set the timer, and I have to turn it off in the middle of the night. At least, I can still see the pets on the floor, so I don’t trip over them and disturb their sleep. We’ve installed plantation shutters on all the windows in the house, and if the TV is not on our bedroom is pitch black. Since she’s still active in the TV business, the late night commercials are appropriately money in her pockets, peace of mind, and music to her ears.

We also solved the wine cooler problem, by redistributing some our recent purchases. It was either that or rebooting the cooling equipment that caused it to function properly again. Unplugging and restarting has become my quick fix for all things electronic. If it doesn’t work- turn it off and on until it does! This did not work for the garage door opener, and a service visit was necessary. You hope that it isn’t something embarrassingly simple that just wasted a $100 bill, but you also hope that it’s a simple enough repair to keep it under $250. If it’s any more than $250, it may be time for a new one. In this case, it was a circuit board that will need to be ordered for a grand total of exactly $250 once they complete installation. In the meantime, we’ll be carrying a key.

Although our schnauzer Tally is not electronic, I just got a call from the “Pet.Vet.Debt” doctor. Fortunately, the biopsy sample we sent in revealed that she doesn’t have cancerous cells in her right eye. She also does not need a new circuit board. I do, however, have to pick up some pricey cortisone drops tomorrow and set-up some follow-up appointments. Tinker, her older sister, has run out of medication, and I will need to get restocked before we leave for St. Louis on Saturday morning. Couple all this with pet sitting expenses for the next 8 days and we’ll need a lottery win.

Steely Dan (minus Walter Becker), The Doobie Brothers (minus the doobie), and James Taylor (minus Bonnie Raitt) will hopefully keep us distracted from electronic hassles for the next two nights. All shows are at the Moda Center here in Portland. We’ll see how our seats turn out! (See Post #121). I just hope that their set-up crews have better luck with the electronics than we have here at home. We have our cell phones if we need a flashlight, and will take our keys so we can get back in through the garage after the show.

Creature Features: Poop #547

June 1, 2018 / mikeljohnston1 / 1 Comment

I have a twisted mind, so toilet humor is right up my alley. When you take the dogs out five times a day and go through roll after roll of “doggy bags,” you have to chuckle. Our schnauzer Tinker is “the poopingest dog on the planet,” with absolutely no modesty filter. On the other hand, our younger schnauzer Tally will only hide in the bushes or the ground cover to do her business. I like to laugh at a good poop joke, so movies and TV shows like American Pie, South Park, and Beavis & Butthead appeal to my juvenile tastes. I wrote this shi**y ditty to reflect my silly mood today, and will file it under “poems of questionable bad taste:”

Poop

Poop is a “dirty,”
Four-letter word.
But not as offensive,
As calling it “a turd.”

Privacy is crucial,
We’re a proud species.
We’re modest beings,
And ashamed of feces.

If we’re under stress,
The anus shrinks.
And we can’t help it,
If it stinks.

Was that last crack,
The butt of the joke?
What would we do,
If the toilet’s broke?

Holy Crap!
Now Pass the TP.
And when you wipe,
Charmin is the key.

Was Caddyshack,
Funny or uncouth?
Was that a floater,
Or a Baby Ruth?

If you experience,
Unexpected defecation.
There’s no such thing
As a good explanation.

Please be thoughtful,
Post-excrement.
Remember to give it.
A Fabreze treatment.

We are early-schooled,
That it’s not very cool.
To loudly belch & fart,
Or talk about your stool.

Keep it in your pants,
Don’t stick out your tongue.
Never cuss and swear,
And stay away from dung.

Like Road apples,
Or cow pies.
Mucking stalls,
And Pig styes.

Honey Bucket,
While on the go.
Fertilizer,
Helps things grow.

Bird droppings,
Manure pit.
Compost pile,
Makes good sh*t.

It’s bound to happen,
Since you’re a consumer.
But there’s nothing funny,
About toilet humor.

Sometimes we call it,
“Number Two.”
From where that derives?
No one has a clue.

Clean up after pets,
Don’t leave it “behind.”
It’s stinky, smelly stuff,
Someone’s shoe will find.

A surprise ending,
As you go to scoop.
Pups can leave a brick,
Or sometimes soup.

What goes in,
Most comes out.
That’s what bowels,
Are all about.

With sudden urge,
Find a filling-station.
Do your business,
And hope for ventilation.

When it comes out,
Keep it hush.
Don’t say a word,
Just Flush.

Squirts or runs?
“Montezuma’s Revenge?”
Don’t make a mess,
Depends are your friends.

Or if constipation,
Makes you unfit,
Try a laxative,
And Give a sh*t.

Retirement is not without Hassles: Peanut Butter Crisis #543

May 29, 2018 / mikeljohnston1 / 0 Comments

I don’t know if you’re aware of the peanut butter crisis yet? If you’re a fan like me your interest has undoubtedly peaked, along with your blood pressure. About 9 months ago, a case of Peter Pan Creamy Reduced Fat Peanut Butter arrived on my front porch. (See Post #219) I was initially worried about eating a whole case before the one-year expiration date, but we now only have a couple of jars left. We bought it through Amazon because the brand is not available in Oregon, and it was my wife’s favorite growing up. Any time we traveled back to the Midwest, she would buy a couple of jars of Peter Pan and bring them back in a suitcase. However, it became harder and harder to find, so this is why she was thrilled to find it through Amazon, but only by the case. In fact, I never even thought about an expiration date on peanut butter until this shipment arrived, realizing that two jars of peanut butter a month was a bit of a challenge for the two of us.

Fortunately, our dogs also love peanut butter, so whenever a jar is opened they are close behind. Our youngest schnauzer Tally likes to finish off the jar, securing it from rolling with her paws and maneuvering her long tongue into the bottom of the plastic cylinder. “Good to the last drop,” courtesy of Maxwell House was also her slogan, protecting her precious treat from her older sister Tinker. Tinker particularly likes it on Ritz Crackers, and is at my side whenever I go to the cupboard. Tally doesn’t beg like Tinker, so the nearly empty offering is my attempt to fairly equalize distribution.

A few weeks ago the mail carriers had their annual non-perishable food drive and we put several jars of Peter Pan in with our other food contributions. They turned out to be precious cargo because the product is no longer available. As my wife tried to reorder, it was out of stock on Amazon so she contacted Con Agra and got the bad news. Suddenly, our last remaining jars were now hers, as she tried to preserve a precious childhood memory. As an option, how about just a “whiff of Jif?” She bought the dogs and I some home-made fresh ground peanut butter from Zupan’s Market, and put her Peter Pan under lock and key. It’s too bad that it will expire soon, and another link to her early years gone forever.

When I looked up Jiffy peanut butter, I did learn that the smell of peanut butter, according to a 2013 study out of the University of Florida Brain Institute, can be an test for early onset Alzheimer’s. Researchers believe that the disease starts in the brain’s region that controls our sense of smell, and that the odor of peanut butter might just be an inexpensive diagnosis. The study found that those showing signs of early-stage Alzheimer’s had one thing in common – trouble smelling the peanut butter out of their left nostril. I’m glad that I passed this sniff test, but I’m still having trouble with my memory. By the way, I don’t have a favorite peanut butter, but I do like crunchy, so maybe the next time my wife will buy me Jif, Planter’s, or Skippy crunchy. To them, this is not a crisis but rather an opportunity.

One of the cruel realities of retirement is that the past slowly disappears as friends, family, and familiar products are no longer part of your life. Somehow, no other brand of peanut butter will ever taste as good to her as Peter Pan, and to her this is a crisis. For me, it’s “nuts” to believe that peanut butter even has an expiration date. Apparently, oxygenation will eventually ruin it, but probably won’t kill you. What will be the next childhood favorite that will become extinct? Hopefully, it’s not Diet Coke, Oreos or Volcano Pizza.

Follow up note: Since I don’t have an editor, and sometimes fail to get my point across, I still strive to be fair. In reading this post, my wife felt that I had unfairly put Peter Pan out of business. To clarify, they simply dropped their Peter Pan Creamy Reduced Fat product, not their entire line. To my wife, it’s still a crisis as she searches for an alternative. I like crunchy with extra fat, but I don’t wear the peanut butter pants in this family. Sorry, Peter Pan brand and parent company Con Agra if I misrepresented you as Petered-out.

Retirement is not without Hassles: Beautiful Day #539

May 24, 2018 / mikeljohnston1 / 0 Comments

As U2’s Bono reports in his weather forecast, “It’s a beautiful day…don’t let it get away,” I have to give hometown Portland kudos. I’ve been extremely critical of our rainy Northwest weather, so I want to make sure to give credit when credit is due. This past week at home has been delightfully warm and sunny, with no signs of rain in the 7-day forecast. It’s a Beautiful Day was also a 1967 San Francisco band featuring vocalist Pattie Santos along with violinist David LaFlamme. Their signature song “White Bird” was inspired while living in Portland’s rainy neighbor, Seattle. It was interesting to discover this tid-bit about the band because I often think of that sad song when it rains, while Bono’s vocals are much more uplifting and sunny. It’s a Beautiful Day, as one of Bill Graham’s bands, almost played at Woodstock, but the negotiations to sign the Grateful Dead apparently resulted in a coin toss that chose Santana instead. That was “a beautiful day” for Santana, who went on to achieve instant success and eventual “Hall of Fame” status.

We’re headed to wine country this weekend to enjoy the great weather and pick-up a couple of cases as part of our club membership commitments. We also have company in town, so we plan to take them to Top Golf for the afternoon. I do not play golf, but our older friend is an avid enthusiast, so it’s a friendship compromise. I would rather hit a few balls and not have to retrieve them from embarrassing or troublesome locations, as my shaky game often requires. Our wives will sit in the cocktail lounge and talk, since his wife is struggling with some knee issues and is not very mobile. As animal lovers, they’ll share proud memories of putting together Decatur, Illinois’ first “bark park.”

Both of our schnauzer pups are recuperating from trips to the vet this week, while our 17-year old Burmese kitten, Frankie, is still having trouble finding the litter box. Pet woes have been the central theme this week. (See Post #537). Our visitors this weekend were kind enough 12-years ago to assist us in adopting then 2-year old Tinker, keeping her comfortable at their home while we were out of town on business for a week. Both of them have been very instrumental in securing funding for homeless pets, and providing them with clean, secure facilities. Tinker is a daily reminder of their valuable friendship, as it was indeed “a beautiful day” when she joined our family. It’s difficult to watch this pup struggle in old age, as it will be equally tough to see our older friend contend with her serious knee pain. “Old age is not for sissies.”

Retirement is not without Hassles: Pet Woes #537

May 22, 2018 / mikeljohnston1 / 0 Comments

Another day, another trip to the vet. In this case, it was an eye specialist for our youngest schnauzer, Tally. She is 8 years old, and as healthy and happy as any dog can be. Unlike, her 6-year older sister, Tinker, she does not have allergies or aches & pains, but during her annual physical the doctor noticed a growth on her eyeball. We thought we better have it checked out, so I set up an appointment for this morning. The results from the biopsy won’t be available for another week. For once, it was Tinker anxiously sitting in the chair next to me, worried that the doctor would surprise her with a thermometer. It’s typically Tally who’s sitting there casually observing the poking and probing.

As I watch Tinker grow old, I’m beginning to see my own mortality, as she quickly approaches 100 dog years. I’m nearing 67 human years and every movement is an effort. Tinker’s feet are sore and sensitive, as she struggles with our 3-mile weekend walks. Stairs are difficult, and she needs our assistance getting up and down from the bed, couch, or car. Tally is still a bundle of energy, but is reluctant to move too far ahead, so she’ll suddenly stop and refuse to move until the pack catches up. A few days ago, we tried to walk them separately, but neither one could go a step forward without looking back for the other.

We’re certainly worried about the biopsy report, knowing that cancer cells can tragically shorten any dog’s life. In the meantime, we’ll be applying antiseptic drops to her right eye. As our canine medicine cabinet content mutiplies, I was hoping that both dogs might be using the same drug – but no. Tinker has an eye infection, in addition to ear infections, so we’ve accumulated many bottles, tubes, and swabs that never seem to be interchangeable between pets or malady’s. As a result, we’ve compiled an expensive array of useless drugs. Until today, none of them had ever been prescribed to Tally.

You’ve heard me quote the phrase, “getting old is not for sissies.” The same applies to pets. Older dogs and retirees require more care and attention. Between food, treats, monthly heart-worm preventatives, annual physicals, shots, vet visits, and medication, we are now spending about $900 a month on pet care. Also, since we’re away from home at least 7 days a month, this adds another $600 in pet-sitter expenses. As a recent retiree, this is becoming an unexpected retirement investment that is certainly worth it, but also troublesome. With my wife still working, this means that Tinker, Tally, or I may need to get a part-time job!

Once again, it’s been another “Pet.Vet.Debt. kind of day.”

Retirement is not without Hassles: Best Day Ever #536

May 21, 2018 / mikeljohnston1 / 0 Comments

I put another couple of Broadway Playbills in my wife’s notebook collection, and displayed the show tickets from last week in my glass wall box. Each colorful booklet lists the cast and their resumes, as well as the the song list next to all the ads. With SpongeBob SquarePants, the song “Best Day Ever” was performed with these lyrics:

“Mr. Sun came up and he smiled at me,
Said it’s gonna be a good one just wait
And see.
Jumped outta bed, and I ran outside,
Feeling so extra ecstatified,
It’s the best day ever (best day ever)
It’s the best day ever (best day ever).”

“I’m so busy got nothing to do,
Spent the last two hours just tying my shoe,
Every flower, every grain of sand,
Is reaching out to shake my hand,
It’s the best day ever (best day ever)
It’s the best day ever (best day ever)”

I didn’t exactly “jump” out of bed this morning, even after going to bed early. I was feeling the chills of another cold coming on accompanied with a scratchy throat and a fever. I had gained five pounds when I stepped on the scale, and had lung congestion problems that added to my morning run misery. The pilot on the hot water heater blew out, so there was limited hot water, and I had a dental appointment to make. By the time I arrived, my blood pressure was high, after fighting the downtown traffic. There were also other errands to run, and our schnauzer Tinker had another ear infection that required a trip to the veterinarian for medication. Vet.Pet.Debt. To make matters worse, my good friend called to tell me that the Cubs vs. Cardinals game that we have tickets for next month was moved from an afternoon game to an evening game. We have a 7 p.m. flight out of St. Louis, so we’ll need to make other arrangements. It was NOT the “Best Ever Day” of retirement to say the least!

There have been plenty of great retirement days, so there’s little need for sympathy. However, with all our recent plane travel, while crammed next to sickly passengers, my immune system has been hard at work. I could feel the soreness in my throat during yesterday’s “fun run,” and surely the excess of wine at the Paul Simon concert the night before didn’t help the cause either. I needed “a bridge over troubled water,” and a glass or two of wine tonight, in conjunction with our “Meatless Monday” morel mushroom dinner, just might soothe the pain. I’m sure tomorrow will be better since “I’m busy with nothing to do.” I’m clearly ecstatified! It may very well be the “Best Retirement Day Ever!”

Creature Features: Zoomies #518

May 6, 2018 / mikeljohnston1 / 0 Comments

“Who’s Zoomin’ Who?” – the words to an Aretha Franklin hit. The “four asses” sang it in the car on the way home from the Four Aces Tavern, as it blasted from the radio. It was the early 80’s version of “Carpool Karaoke,” after a few too many beers and a couple shots of George Dickel – “Dickeled Pink.” was the phrase we once used for drunken behavior, like seeing Pink Elephants.

One of my wife’s business associates called for an Uber the other night. The car she rode in was equipped with disco lights and a karaoke machine. She had just sold her car and had reason to celebrate so she sang all the way home. It was the most fun she could ever imagine, but she probably wasn’t born yet when we invented the concept years ago. I may need to get the “four asses” back together for a Portland Uber ride.

Three of the “four asses” did reunite years later and dressed in pink for a Colts vs. Bronchos Monday Night Football game. This time, however, we hired a driver and played our “Who’s Zoomin’ Who” theme song from the limo’s cassette player. The song implied a intimate sexual encounter, with the associated sound of a zipper coming undone. “Get ready here it comes!” It was another “boys night out” so what better time to display immature, lewd behavior? I’m sure the limo driver could think of no other word than “asinine” to describe our alcohol-induced behavior. I hope we at least gave him a good tip. It’s embarrassing even now to actually document this man-child silliness.

My wife and I were out walking the dogs last weekend. Tinker, our elder schnauzer, is approaching 100 dog years. While she once used to easily leap up on our bed or bound up the stairs with enthusiasm, she now needs to be lifted. Lately, she begins to bark like a maniac when she can’t join us on the couch. When she gets our full attention, she’ll lift her front paw up like a dainty ballerina as the Tinker-vator carries her to new heights. I’m now the Tinker-vator, making sounds like an airplane ready to deliver a spoonful of oatmeal to an uncooperative child. We may soon need to get a dog stroller.

Every month or so we’ll take Tink to the vet for a cortisone injection. This not only helps soothe her constantly itchy skin, but also temporarily relieves her aching joints and tired, sore feet. It’s often a short-lived miracle, as the drug makes her feel like a puppy once again. Our younger schnauzer, Tally, will get her playmate back, and they’ll romp joyfully in circles, running wild with unbridled energy.

As we watch the furry whirlwind of joy, like two proud parents, I’ll smile and say, “she’s on drugs again.” “Yes, she has the Zoomies,” my wife always likes to report. The next day, however, Tinker is back to her slow-moving self, lagging behind her schnauzer sister. I feel sorry for her, but as we all know, “getting old is not for sissies.”

Although Tinker’s “Zoomies” are not at all like Aretha’s “Zoomin’,” I can’t help but think of the good old days. Like Tinker, my joints are stiff and sore while my gait is little more than an Arte Johnson shuffle these days. I will jog with Tally, often looping back to rejoin my wife and Tinker. Tally loses interest in going fast quickly, easily distracted by the sights and sounds of the park, so I’ll hand her back to my wife and continue my run. Every once in a while, Tinker will have another attack of the “Zoomies,” just as I get the sudden urge to do some “Zoomin’” Is it Saturday night yet?

Creature Features: GO #506

April 24, 2018 / mikeljohnston1 / 0 Comments

It has been three months since I last went to Starbuck’s, apparently the last time the weather was nice enough to take the pups for a walk to the location about a half-mile from our home. They love to “GO” because they always get a treat, plus they get to “GO” for a longer than normal airing. We were out of town over the weekend, so they did not get to “GO” on the run/walks we typically do to get them out of the stuffy confines of their home.

We rarely say the word “GO,” and usually try to spell it out instead. It slips out on occasion and our oldest schnauzer, Tinker, immediately recognizes it and frantically twists her head in our direction. The younger one, Tally, then mirrors Tinker’s excitement, so it’s a chain-reaction of anticipation. When I mentioned to them this morning, “let’s GO to Starbuck’s, they quickly put the two key words together and beat me to the door. Tally once broke free from her leash and ran there by herself to claim a treat. (See Post #33). She’s a much more mature 8-year old now, so we have fewer of these attempted escapes, but she still can’t be trusted as much as Tinker.

Starbuck’s did not have my traditional order of Peach Tranquility Tea with 3 packets of honey, and as I learned when I arrived for my order, they have recently stopped handing out dog biscuits. There was a moment of disappointment, but the dogs ended up getting something better, a frothy “puppuccino,” that will probably come back to haunt me. Tinker is affectionately nicknamed, “the poopingest on the planet,” so we’ll see howpup she reacts to whip cream. Ice cream was never a problem for either of them. Tally’s moniker is “Eggbert” because she loves eggs and waits patiently by my feet every morning for her share. Tinker is allergic, so I have to distract her, but she has a cast iron stomach, a result of surviving on acorns in the woods where she was abandoned as a puppy. We learned this from the Vet at the time of her adoption. Tally is adopted, as well, but was never starved for food, so she’s somewhat picky about what she eats, unlike the voracious Tinker.

I had to change my Starbuck’s routine this morning, opting for the Comfort Wellness Brewed Tea with honey. GOing there reminds me of my last two years before retirement and frequently stopping for tea at the location in the lobby of our office building downtown. There was a time in my working career when I was hooked on coffee, but it always left a bad taste in my mouth so I eventually stopped drinking it. I first switched to decaf because the real stuff also made me jittery, and then settled on a daily fix of caffeinated Diet Coke that remains one of my few addictions. I was “jonesing” for one yesterday and overlooked a bottle hidden in the back of our refrigerator. GOing without it for a day was a good reminder of how it affects my system. I should stop drinking it, as I have many times throughout my life. I’ll think about it again after I finish my comforting tea and this last bottle of Phenylalanine & caffeine.

That’s enough writing for today, it’s time to GO…