Today's thoughts

Category: POEMS (Page 18 of 30)

Rhymes of all kinds

Retirement is not without Hassles: No Meat, No Mike #698

Hello, my name is Mike, and I’m a meat-lover. I do, however, question my skills as a hunter and even a gatherer. I’m not a killer nor am I a shopper, so I tend to consume what is put in front of me. I am definitely not a fan of vegetables, although I can appreciate their nutritional value. A few weeks ago, with family in town, my wife made a reservation at a vegetarian gourmet restaurant that we had been to before. I honestly enjoyed my meal there, but my preference would have been a steak house. When she found out that the reservation was one short, I volunteered to stay home, joking “No Meat, No Mike.”

One day a week my wife and I refrain from eating meat, a tougher sacrifice for me. With alliteration in mind, we call it “Meatless Monday.” We’ve been doing this now for over two-and-a-half years, so I’ve adapted to corn, broccoli, green beans, cauliflower, and kale. With the right amount of cheese & sauce and some deep frying, anything is edible. The fact is that if I if I really insisted on just meat, I would starve. I’ve never put my foot down, as this poem implies:  

No Meat, No Mike

All vegetables for dinner,
Just doesn’t seem right.
I think I’ll just pass,
No Meat, No Mike.

A platter of just broccoli,
I don’t think I’d Like.
Don’t set me a place,
No Meat, No Mike.

I was raised a carnivore,
Since I was a tyke.
Save space on my plate,
No Meat, No Mike.

Beef’s been my favorite,
Since President Ike.
If you’re planning dinner?
No Meat, No Mike.

When sent to the grocery,
On my very first Bike.
The Butcher knew best,
No Meat, No Mike.

I can do fish,
Bluegill or Pike.
Just hold the peas,
No Meat, No Mike.

Beans and carrots,
Can take a long hike.
The Cauliflower’s yours,
No Meat, No Mike.

Copyright 2018 johnstonwrites.com

Creature Features: Tinker Strikes Again #693

The “Poopingest Pup on the Planet” has struck again. This time on the kitchen floor. At over 100 years old, she’s entitled to a few mistakes, even though she ruined a number of carpets in her younger years and those were not all accidental. Certainly Tinker, the stinker, knows better, and after yesterday’s ramblings about “Dog Thoughts” I have to wonder: What was she thinking? (See Post #690). So far, the more-lady-like Tally has fortunately not emulated her leadership efforts in this department. Sometimes when you’re dealing with a pet, there’s nothing I can do but chuckle, clean up the mess, and write a another poem:

(P)oops!

What’s that on the rug?
Is it what I think?
The air in the room,
Is starting to stink.

You try to convey,
That innocent look.
Suggesting the source,
I must have mistook.

Just how many others,
Who walk through our door?
Are likely to take,
A dump on the floor?

I know it was you,
The “Poopingest Pup.”
And who do you think,
Has to clean it up?

This is the reason why,
We take you outside.
When did this happen?
The evidence has dried.

If this was on purpose?
Your thinking absurd.
This was no gift,
You’ve left us a turd.

An accidental “oops.”
I guess it could be.
It’s less of a mess,
Without the extra “p.”

So hold it until,
You get to the brush.
But If you can’t wait,
Learn how to flush.

copyright 2018 johnstonwrites.com

 

 

 

Retirement is not without Hassles: Socrates Says #689

I can safely say that after 67 years of life that “I know quite a bit about nothing important.” It sounds like a country song to me, so I’ll work on some rhyming lyrics. After searching for similar phrases via Wikipedia, I found  “I know that I know nothing”, “The only thing I know is that I know nothing”, “I know one thing; that I know nothing” or “I know that all I know is that I do not know anything,” called the Socratic paradox, is a well-known saying that is derived from Plato’s account of the Greek philosopher Socrates. That ain’t country.

The phrase is not one that Socrates himself is ever recorded as saying, so I can begin to take credit for my own variation of the philosophical words. At this stage in life, I have many more questions than answers. I’ve also forgotten more than I remember. This I know I know! I do, however, remember knowing nothing, rather than being like some people who think they know everything. The humbler approach is more befitting of my personality. Let’s examine this lack of knowledge that I possess and will continue to accumulate.

We can safely start with ten things that I definitely don’t know:

  • I don’t know there’s a heaven
  • I don’t know there’s a God
  • I don’t know who will win the World Series
  • I don’t know there will be a tomorrow
  • I don’t know there’s an end to the Universe
  • I don’t know that our retirement funds are enough
  • I don’t know what our dogs are thinking
  • I don’t know who my birth father is
  • I don’t know if I can actually get two cars in my garage

Others only think they know some of these answers. Since this is a pros and cons discussion, here’s ten things on the “do know” side of the ledger:

  • I know that “knowledge perception” is a subject too deep for this blog
  • I know that I’m no Socrates
  • I know that I love myself and feel satisfied with my accomplishments
  • I know I love my wife & family and that they love me
  • I know that Tinker is hungry right now
  • I know Ohio State will come back to beat Indiana for their 24th straight
  • I know that it will soon start raining in Portland
  • I know that I’m an adopted child without answers
  • I know that I have a lot to learn
  • I know that I know nothing

All of this knowledge is mostly unimportant to anyone but me. I’m sure that my wife and family are glad that I’ve confirmed their importance in my life, but I’m pretty sure they already had that knowledge. With the exception of my birthmother, I do know that no one has the knowledge to know what I don’t. I also know that “nothing” is a relative thing, and every thing else I know is trivial with respect to life and death.

Socrates was once told by the Oracle of Delphi that he was one of the wisest men in all of Athens, and his response was to not boast or celebrate but rather try to prove the Oracle wrong. If you know? Please feel free to prove me wrong. In the meantime, I’ll continue to compare my questionable knowledge to the guy who knew nothing:

Nothing

When Socrates spoke,
They’d lend their ears.
Yet he knew nothing,
It plainly appears

He must have known,
More than he thought.
His words of wisdom,
Were widely sought.

He wisely taught,
That he knew nothing.
But people thought,
He was something.

In modern times,
I think the same.
And know as little,
My knowledge lame.

I know nothing,
And nothing more.
It closely matches,
My IQ score.

Nothing here,
And nothing there.
If it’s something I know,
Does anyone care?

Of nothing important,
I know quite a bit.
Of life and death,
I don’t know sh*t!

Copyright 2018 johnstonwrites.com

 

 

 

 

Old Sport Shorts: Division Disaster #683

The Cubs have gotten into the habit this year of falling behind before they can move ahead. It got them in trouble today, as the magic ran out. There was no Bote moment or two-out heroics – they just never came back. I got two messages from my die-heart-Cub-fan son today – both emojies – as the game continued to deteriorate – vomit then poop. They went predictably down to the Brewers 1-0, before Rizzo homered, one of only three Cubs hits, then fell behind again 3-1. Baez tried to set off a spark with a two-out, ninth-inning hit, but Rizzo fell short on his bid for a second long ball. As a result, the Brewers celebrated in Chicago’s house and claimed their first NL Central title since 2011. They deserved it, while my lucky Cubs socks failed to do their job. 

“The Crew” finished the season strong with their 8th straight victory. They also won five out of seven games against the Cubbies, and swept the Cardinals to dominate the Division. The Cubs slowly watched it slip away, managing only 16 of 29 victories down the stretch. One more victory would have claimed the title. Instead, they’ll have to come from way behind via the Wild Card route. This time, however, they may not have a shot because they’re behind the Eight Ball.”

Drinking Champagne,

Yelich and Braun.

The Cubs look on, 

Division hopes Gone.

Have the Cubs fallen behind too far this time? Can they rebound from this Division Disaster? Five years ago, fans would have been thrilled to simply have earned a Playoff spot, as would any current White Sox fan. However, this fourth playoff appearance in a row is now tainted in Bitter Brew. The Cubs get a second chance tomorrow, as the Rockies come to town, after a similar fate against the Dodgers. Jon Lester takes the mound for the Cubs seeking his 19th victory of the year. The Rockies will pack their bags and fly from L.A. to Chicago, symbolically passing over their Denver home, where both teams will start the second season by trying to forget about what happened today – tomorrow.

The Cubs will need to get more than the three hits they managed today to move forward, and chances are good that they will once again fall behind as soon as the first inning. I can only hope that they will respond as they have all year long, there will be no Wade Davis revenge, and they’ll “Fly the W” at least one more time. In the meantime, the Brewers get a day of rest and the satisfaction of taking that first positive step towards a winning their first World Series in history. They won it as the Milwaukee Braves 60 years ago with MVP Lew Burdette, along with Hall-Of-Famers Warren Spahn, Hank Aaron, Red Schoendienst, and Eddie Mathews. Will the “Comeback Cubbies” eventually earn a second chance to stop the Brewers from winning it all?

Retirement is not without Hassles: Painters #680

Once all of our house guests leave next weekend, we’ll be dealing with interior painting. All of the ceilings in our condo will be changed from a shade of tan to white, allowing more light to reflect within each room. Most of the walls will also be changed from tan to Butterball or Pound Cake, although the final decision on these two shades of yellow has not been made. Small sections of our entry wall have been painted and samples posted to allow comparison. As soon as the Portland rains start to fall, our painter will shift from outdoor work to our indoor project. I’m sure it will take several weeks, and may not be done until Christmas.

As we prepare for this project, we’ve already begun the process of packing up any breakable items. This has included my wife’s extensive Limoges Box collection and crystal glassware. They have all been carefully bubble-wrapped and stored in out-of-the-way places. Our Halloween decorations will not be coming out of their boxes, including our dancing Snoopy, glass pumpkins, and Holiday-themed porcelain figurines.

It will be the first time that I can remember when Limoges Boxes haven’t dominated our shelves. It’s been a gift tradition for me since we met nearly 20 years ago. Each month I try to present a custom box that has a meaningful romantic tie to our travel adventures, events we’ve gone to, and holiday memories. Within each box, I enclose a special poem to commemorate its individual importance as part of her collection.

I could not bear the thought of all those empty shelves during this painting process, so I bought her a “Spider” box to celebrate Halloween. It contains this short poem:

Spider

With painting plans,
They’re packed away.
Every Limoges,
Out of the way.

Crystal Glass,
Removed from cabinets.
All stored that’s precious,
Except for our pets.

White ceilings,
Buttery walls.
Hoping nothing,
Breaks or falls.

Another Halloween,
Is happening soon.
And Snoopy won’t,
Play his tune.

Ghost-like tarps,
Will hang instead.
While Thanksgiving,
Looms ahead.

The very horror,
Of a porcelain-free holiday.
Made me exclaim
There’s just no way!

So I bought yet another,
To simply assure.
That such an atrocity,
Would never occur!

It’s an itsy-bitsy,
Eight-legged might.
It’s Biggest strength,
Is it won’t bite.

This one will stand,
While the others hide.
Until the paint,
Has finally dried. 

Copyright 2018 johnstonwrites.com

 

 

 

 

Retirement is not without Hassles: Men’s Room #677

Some might consider shopping to be part of a woman’s DNA. Others might consider this assumption to be sexist. All I know, that as a man, it’s definitely not part of mine. In fact, I have an immediate physical reaction every time I enter a store. Here’s another example of a poem in the dubious category of “In Questionable Bad Taste,” that might be considered the body function sequel to “Art Makes Me Fart”(Post #676.) You be the judge:

Men’s Room 

A phenomenon occurs,
When I try to shop.
A paralyzing urge,
That just won’t stop.

It happens every time,
So something’s wrong.
As I step in any store,
It’s like I don’t belong.

Before I get my cart,
I find the Men’s Room sign.
Or ask for the key,
In the check-out line.

If I try to resist,
My bladder will insist.
It’s the first thing,
On my shopping list.

It could be,
An allergic reaction.
Since I have to hurry,
Take immediate action.

My output valve,
Must be emptied.
Before I can fulfill,
Any purchase need.

Before I even start,
It’s pre-buyer’s remorse.
The rest room calls,
And nature takes its course.

It’s a sense of panic,
As I walk in the door.
A cruel joke,
I can’t ignore.

And just when I think,
It’s safe to begin.
I often need
To Go again.

It must be,
Some kind of disease.
Shopping for me,
Is spelled with two pees.

Copyright 2018 johnstonwrites.com

 

Retirement is not without Hassles: Art Makes Me Fart #676

I would have to put this poetic entry in the category of “In Questionable Bad Taste,” as I attempt to pay a back-handed compliment to the world of Art. About 6 months ago, my wife and I were in Venice at an Art Museum, and I felt a certain sense of relaxation while enjoying the exquisite pieces of creativity that surrounded us. It’s probably not a normal reaction to what many believe deserves a sophisticated critique. Here’s mine:

Art Makes Me Fart 

If I need to relax,
A museum is smart.
I can feel the relief,
‘Cause Art makes me fart.

Take it from me,
When I need to unload.
Sometimes I feel,
Like I just might explode.

Sometimes they’re sneaky,
Fore-warnings not there.
Beware of these moments,
Those around you will care.

A stroll through a gallery,
Can produce a big sigh.
Always try to make sure,
There’s a rest room nearby.

Or go off by yourself,
You don’t want to be rude.
When a painting inspires,
And you need to exude.

Analyzing a sculpture,
Can cause a release.
And this is why art,
Gives me pure peace

If it indeed moves you,
Let it silently Pass.
Find an Exit nearby,
Show you’ve got class.

It’s a natural reaction,
As Art makes an Impression.
If you just keep moving,
There’s no need for confession.

Your favorite artist,
Might be van Gogh.
Practice restraint,
Don’t Just let go.

It might be music,
That you grow to savor.
Whatever form of art,
You personally favor.

Wait till you hear,
The Fat Lady Sing.
Before you decide,
To toot that thing.

Gauguin gives me gas,
Picasso makes me purr.
I create some diversion,
When the urge does occur.

You never want to hear,
“What’s that smell?”
So move quickly away,
Once you expel.

Since I’m really skilled,
At defusing a fart.
Can misdirection,
Be considered an art?

Copyright 2018 johnstonwrites.com

Old Sport Shorts: Crunch Time #668

I got started on my run about five miles minutes earlier this morning, nearly beating the school bus up the hill to its pick-up spot near the two-mile mark. Thoughts were on getting packed and driving to the airport for our 11:10 a.m. flight to Chicago’s O’Hare. We would be there in time for dinner at Joe’s Stone Crab, one of my wife’s favorites. She has business meetings tomorrow while I do my retirement thing.

It’s Crunch Time, with only ten games left in the season! The Cubs are off today prior to the start of the Crosstown Showdown at White Sox Park on Friday. It’s hard to refer to it as Guaranteed Rate Field, since that doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue. I was just getting used to calling it Cellular One, despite so many childhood memories of Comiskey Park. I understand the value of sponsorship in today’s world of sports, so I tolerate the unromantic, commercial names we call our venues. I will just be glad to be there, whatever it’s called?, on Saturday night as the Cubs hope to once again reduce their Playoff Magic Number (currently at 8) and hold-off the hungry Milwaukee Brewers. Crunch!

It was a rare night on Monday when both the Cubs and Bears won their respective games. The White Sox did not play, so none of my Chicago teams were losers- a miracle! Watching the masterful defense “Bear Down” was particularly emotional, reminiscent of the glory years of the mid 1980’s. Equally satisfying is the Cub’s quest for their historic fourth consecutive playoff appearance. They’ve managed a winning September record, but the offense is sputtering and the pitching painfully-patched in piece-meal. I have reduced expectations for the post-season, with comparably much less hope for the Bears. College basketball will start in less than a month, as both of these Windy City favorites slowly fade into typical, late-season obscurity, and much-improved I.U basketball begins to take preference. It’s the sports cycle that I seem to be stuck in every year thanks to my Northern Indiana upbringings.

The good thing about sports is that for every loss somebody else wins. While we’re flying the “W,” hoisting the hardware, and hugging total strangers, the opponent is disheartened, disappointed, and ultimately disgusted by our poor sportsmanship. To make matters even more miserable, they, may have even lost a “friendly” wager, personal credibility, or a major bet. Regardless, it’s a difficult moment that may reverse itself in the future – or even next year. Remember to win graciously and lose with visions of that next win. Better yet – never bet. As a fan, I can’t control the outcome, just the ugly emotions that often come out. I just hope that the very last game I watch is a big victory that I can enjoy throughout eternity. That would be the way to go!

I won’t be disappointed if the Cubs win the World Series, the Bears win the Super Bowl, and the Hoosiers win the NCAA Tournament. Each has now happened in my lifetime, as well as a White Sox World Championship. I’ve even gotten two out of three in the same year. I’ve been blessed with several good years, and cursed with many more bad ones. What will the end of this year bring? It’s Crunch Time!

Crunch Time

It’s that time,
The last chance.
Your final move,
To make the dance.

It’s everything,
You’ve waited for.
You couldn’t ask,
For anything more.

You’ve Fantasized,
And dreamed it.
How much more real,
Can it possibly get?

Within your reach,
In front of you.
What to do?
It’s up to you.

Grab the ring,
And hold on tight.
Keep it close,
With all your might.

Enjoy the spotlight,
It’s your day.
Don’t let anything,
Get in your way.

Miracle maker,
Beating all odds.
Defying defeat,
Gift of the Gods

Hitting the Walk-off,
Or Last second shot.
Giving everything,
That you’ve got.

Heisman recipient,
And The MVP.
Impact each moment
With all you can be.

What makes a winner?
Refusing to lose.
Highlight heroics,
Front page news.

Everyone’s All-Star,
Here’s the latest.
In lifetime achievement,
One of the Greatest.

Hall of Fame moment,
Tell Cooperstown.
You’re Ranked #1,
Put on the Crown.

It’s Crunch Time,
So go for it all.
When it’s on the line,
You’ll get the ball.

Copyright 2018 johnstonwrites.com

Retirement is not without Hassles: Step Two #666

I suppose I should have written something today with a “devilish twist,” considering that this is Post #666. As I was running this morning, I once again was focused on each step along my route. As my mind gets bored, I tend to count steps – forwards and backwards – knowing that each of my steps is about a yard long anymore, so a mile is about 1760 steps. I went over all this math in Post #594, as I tried to poetically capture the art of distraction from a difficult run.  As a result, I wrote “If Somehow I Could,”and followed-up in Post #590 that also included a poem cleverly titled “Steps.” Here is “Step Two:” 

Step Two 

From that first step,
We’re on our own.
These steps get bigger,
As we’ve grown.

Each step forward,
Is one step less.
How many more?
One can only guess?

The number of steps,
Determine how far.
The longer the step,
The less steps there are.

Keep on steppin,’
To the finish line.
Step this way,
But don’t step on mine.

Watch your Step,
Cherish each day.
Your last step,
Is but a step away.

Copyright 2018

johnstonwrites.com

Retirement is not without Hassles: Hometown Honey #664

I ran alone this morning on a day reserved for dog activities. There were heavy rains most of the night and my wife is fighting a stress-related cold, so she and the schnauzers got a little extra cuddling time. When I left, Tally was getting a “tummy attack” and Tinker was frantically barking with jealous rage. I enjoyed the peace and quiet of the neighborhood. Next weekend, I’ll be running through the streets of Chicago in anticipation of our drive through Indiana.

Last night, we went to see “The Wife,” a Glenn Close bid for an Academy Award. The movie is all about writing, and the most memorable quote was “Writers must write.” I feel that same inspiration every time I sit down at the computer and stare at a blank page. I often have no idea how to fill it, but I start to punch keys, hoping that in the end it makes sense. Many times I start by recounting my activities, like a diary, aspiring to evolve into something more substantial. Retirement has given me the time to write what I want, when I want, and I consider that to be a privilege. There are no demands or deadlines on my work other than my personal goal of posting something daily.

I’m reading Rocket Men by Robert Kurson, envious that I’ve never gotten any of my writing published. It’s the tale of Apollo 8, led by fellow-Hoosier Frank Borman. I was glad to see that Gary, Indiana is known for more than just Michael Jackson. Borman’s bravery made it possible to walk on the moon, while Jackson perfected the moonwalk. We’ll pass through there on the Indiana Toll Road about this time next Sunday. As the lyrics from the The Music Man proudly proclaim, “Gary, Indiana, Gary, Indiana, not Louisiana, Paris, France, or Rome but… Gary, Indiana… my home sweet home.” My home sweet home is actually about 100 miles east of Gary, and was never made famous by a song, musician, or astronaut. It is, however, “The RV Capital of the World,” and home of Speedy Alka-Seltzer. Also, the Music Man wouldn’t have been a musical without the brass band instruments that are manufactured in the city of Elkhart.

Every time I would go to a baseball game in Chicago as a kid, we would pass through Gary. The first impression was always billowing smoke coming from the nearby Steel Mills. You could smell Gary before you could see it, so it’s no wonder that both Frank Borman and Michael Jackson got out of town as soon as possible. “Radio-Active Man” was probably more appropriate than The Music Man, considering the eerie glow of the surrounding skies. However, people who lived there saw a certain beauty in the colorful pollutants that spewed from the smokestacks, especially at sunset. It only goes to prove that regardless of where you grew up, there’s a certain pride of association. Don’t make fun of my hometown!

We’ve all had a “Hometown Honey” or have found our Hometown food to be the best in the world. You always have to have something “sweet” to make it worth going back. I’ve always found that visiting was much better than actually living there. To this day, I crave Elkhart’s own Volcano Pizza, my Hoosier Hometown Honeythat was always a sure incentive. With this low-carb diet that we’ve recently been sticking-to, I hadn’t had pizza for months until just the other night (and that was without the crust), so it’s no wonder that I’m thinking about Volcano this morning. I won’t be able to get “home” on next week’s trip, but we will stay the night in my wife’s hometown, about an hour southeast of Gary. My wife’s hometown pizza favorite is Nubiano’s, with Bruno’s just down the road. Speaking of favorite stops, as we pass into Indiana, we’ll drive by the Indiana Welcome Center in Hammond, Indiana (where the story takes place) that features a major Christmas Story display and the infamous flagpole out front with Flick’s tongue stuck to its frozen surface. I should be captured in perpetuity like Flick, with my tongue glued to my hometown honey, a Volcano Pizza

Hometown Honey

I’ve got to get back,
To my Hometown Honey.
Got to “hop” to it,
Make like a bunny.

I left her behind,
But want her back.
I think about her,
As I start to pack.

So close by,
Yet, a special find.
She’s all mine,
One-of-a-kind.

It is a love story,
But not what you think.
It’s not about a girl,
I say with a wink.

My Italian honey,
Is tasty not sweet.
Time to beat feet,
Chao – Let’s eat.

Sausage and Cheese,
She’s so fine.
Hometown Pizza,
Preferred way to dine.

She’s a perfect slice,
A cut above.
As you can see,
I’ve fallen in love.

Tempting Toppings
A Golden crust.
A bite of her,
Is what I lust.

Just out of the oven,
Heavenly smell.
Hot and delicious,
I’m under her spell.

I’ve searched the world,
There’s nothing like her.
The dough of my dreams,
Is my hometown lure.

Copyright 2018 johnstonwrites.com

 

« Older posts Newer posts »

© 2025 johnstonwrites.com

Theme by Anders NorenUp ↑