It’s Fourth of July eve and I’ve got a lot to celebrate. I had an unexpected conversation with my closest DNA match on Ancestry.com. It’s amazing how so many “strangers” have come forth to help me on my quest to identify my birth parents. First, there was Terry, a “third cousin” and experienced genealogist, who helped me with birth and census records that led to the identity of my suspected birth-mother. Then there was “second cousin” Janine, who also responded to my messages on 23andme, after DNA tests showed us to be a match. She was kind enough to take the time to talk with me about her connections with the woman that I believe gave me life. There was adamant denial on the part of Edna Faye, who is confirmed without question through multiple court, census, adoption, and birth documents to be my biological mother. “Don’t you think I would remember something like that?” she responded to her older sister’s daughter, following my inquiries. She’s seen the certified letter that I sent to her son, and at least knows that I am alive and well. I got this confirmation from a “first cousin” that I talked with this morning. It’s really all that I ever wanted, other than the identity of my birth father.

I was so excited when I saw the message today from Julianna on the Ancestry website. It had been several months since I sent her my initial probe, as both she and her son were identified as my closest DNA relatives. In her defense, I’m sure that it’s difficult to sort out this type of personal request, and it takes time to validate my surely-shocking revelations of kinship. I’m relieved that she, along with Terry and Janine, are seemingly convinced of my credibility. The implications of learning about an unknown relative are borderline scandalous and wrought with fraud. Take for example, the Amazon Prime series, Sneaky Pete, where he convinces the family that he is their long-lost cousin. I add this bit of humor, because it’s the only way I can sanely deal with this situation.

I had a great conversation with Julianna, almost as if I’d know her my entire life. It obviously took a while to settle into a comfort level, but she was patient and asked a lot of questions. I almost felt guilty that the discussion was all about me, and in my e-mail follow-up apologized that I wasn’t more focused on her needs, as is typical of my style. First, I was surprised when she picked up the phone, and then relieved that she was fully receptive to my situation as a child born out of wedlock.  She, in fact, candidly admitted that it might be her father who had the affair with Edna Faye. He was married shortly after my birth, so it may partially explain why their relationship ended. He was the right age of 20, two years older then her, and closely fits many of the physical details described in my adoption records. At this point, I don’t see his connection to the Marines, but that may have been a bit of fabrication on the part of my young, scared mother. There were also two “n’s” in Bannister on these records, as opposed to the single “n” that is the correct contemporary spelling. All I know is that after looking at the picture in his obituary, I see a strong resemblance and it gives me chills!

I will be interested in Julianna’s reaction when she sees the picture of me that I sent this afternoon. Will she see the same resemblance that I did? She also mentioned another Banister that fits my birth father’s description. This may be an closer relative to Edna Faye, and as a result explains any embarrassment and consequential denial. I’m feeling somewhat remorseful in this quest, as my intent was not to humiliate, but rather to assure her that I was content with the adoption decision. Instead, I may have opened a “can of worms” involving unpleasant memories of speculative too-close-for-comfort relations. Julianna was surprised when I mentioned an upcoming Banister reunion, an event that her side of the family was always excluded from attending for some reason? Perhaps, there was a family “cover-up” that led Edna Faye to being sent to distant Indianapolis to give birth, and this resulted in a separation between the two sides. Hatfield vs. McCoy?  Also forgive me, I’ve had a few glasses of wine while writing this to settle my nerves, as I contemplate the 66-year old mystery that I’ve recently uncorked. Frankly, I don’t care what happened, but obviously she does! As a result, I may never know the truth.

I will continue to stay in touch with Terry, Janine, and Julianna, who’s last names I’ve omitted to maintain their privacy. I want them to know how much I appreciate their support in my journey of curiosity. They have each taken the time to speak with a total “stranger,” yet a bond is starting to form with all of us. There have been remarkable invitations to get together after only a single conversation. With the passing of my adoptive parents a few years ago and the special love that I try to maintain each week with my adopted sister, I know that they were never blood relatives, and I’m not sure if that really makes any difference? All I do know is that I’m making biological connections that have the possibility of being equal or stronger. I’ve built an extensive family tree around thousands of people that were not part of my life even a year ago. I’m still not sure what I want, but most certainly it is not controversy.