When  I think of paths, the first thing that comes to mind is poet Robert Frost and these famous words published in 1916, over a century ago:

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

This was the “Road Not Taken,” a famous poem about choices. As an adoptee, however, the choices were not mine, although the decisions made by others determined my destiny. As I continue to fanticize about the turns my life could have taken, I was fortunate to have been sent down a path that led through an adoption agency and to the loving parents that raised me. What if I had taken a different path?

Path #2: What if my birth parents had gotten married and decided to raise me together? I would likely have lived at my grandfather’s Indiana farm, while the father went off to the Marines. Dad would have been in and out of my young life, taking short leaves from his military duties and eventually sent to Korea. I would have been four years old by the time he returned home to decide on a career, and would have been part of a big family with four aunts and three uncles. If the marriage lasted through this difficult period of long seperations from each other, Mom is now 22 and shares the responsibility of raising me with 51-year old Grandma Ruby. She and my grandpa Pete would divorce 6 years later. He would quickly remarry and die the following year at the age of 61. Helping out on the farm, going to school and sports would have been my destiny, with little hope for a college education. I may have enlisted or been drafted into the Marines, following in my dad’s footsteps.

Path #3: Mom moves to California with my dad as he serves in the Marines. I’m raised on military bases starting in San Diego, with several additional transfers, and far from the family back in Indiana. While Dad fights in Korea, mom probably returns to my grandfather’s Indiana farm to wait for his return. I might even have had a brother or sister by then.

Path #3: Mom never tells the father that she is pregnant, as he enters the Marines and gets married to someone else. She decides to raise me on her own with the help of of her family, until she meets someone else. They get married and have more children, but my step-dad favors his kids, so I’m mistreated. I have a tough time in school and turn to a life of crime, eventually ending up in prison.

Path #4: After marrying my mom, my father, the great athlete and high school star, teaches me skills and encourages me to participate in more sports. Farm life has made me bigger and stronger, so I excel in wrestling, football, baseball, and track. At a smaller school near the town where we live, I get more opportunities to play. I’m often mentioned in the sports pages of the local paper, and followed by college scouts. I earn a athletic scholarship to Indiana University that pays for my education, however I skip my senior year to play professionally. I marry a cheerleader, have four kids, and live happily ever after.  

It’s fun to fanticize. There are so many twists and turns my life could have taken, so I’m thankful for the path I’ve traveled. Being raised in a smaller town and attending a smaller school might have allowed me to participate in more sports, but I feel I’ve enjoyed a happy well-rounded life. On any other path, I wouldn’t have had the priviledges I grew up with, the educational opportunities, or the marriage that I currently treasure. Given a choice, I’ll take Door #1, Monty – that path has served me well!