I suppose that Roger Bannister was the most famous of those who share the same last name that I was given at birth. It was spelled like mine, with two n’s, as it originally appeared on my birth certificate, but that turns out to be an incorrect spelling of my birth mother’s actual maiden name with only one “n.” Roger was the first to break the 4-minute mile,  back in May of 1954 at Iffley Road track in Oxford, England. It only lasted for 46 days, but earned him International acclaim. I am most likely not related, because despite the fact that I’m an everyday runner, my feet don’t move nearly that fast. Even though they might not be as famous as Roger, I have recently established some important Banister (or Bannister) “family” connections thanks to websites like Ancestry.com and 23andme.com.

As an adopted child, I’m allowed to fantasize about potential connections to star athletes, royalty, musicians, writers, scientists, and other famous people that might have given me life. Who wants to think about genetic connections to criminals, misfits, losers, drug addicts, or plain-old-nobody’s? It’s my mission to find the truth, and be proud of my heritage.  Little-by-little I’m getting there. After 66 years of life, I just finished the very first conversation I’ve ever had with with a true relative. Connected only through DNA, I was blown away by this experience.

Respectfully, I wanted to keep our first conversation under an hour, so I prepared some notes. Admittedly, I was very nervous going into the appointed time, and opened a bottle of wine to settle my nerves. I wasn’t sure what to expect since I had grown-up with “dozens of cousins” that are still some of my favorite people in the world. I recently got together with several of them over the Christmas holidays, but they were never “blood relatives.” The first thing that this newest cousin said to me was,”your voice sounds like other family members.” I can’t tell you what this meant to me. All my life, there have never been physical characteristics or mannerisms that I’ve shared with my adopted family. It was always an awkward yet humorous moment when people would say that I resembled my parents. They were both relatively tiny people, while I was six-feet tall with wide, muscular shoulders and weighed at least 190 pounds. I did develop a sense of humor like my adopted mother and a knack for the numbers of my adopted father. In fact, in retirement, I see so much of this man in my everyday actions that it is scary. I was proud of both of my parents growing up, and there was rarely a sense of embarrassment, but there is also a genetic factor that ultimately influences our behavior.

Before our conversation, my natural cousin sent some 1946 photos identified as my birth mother and her older sister. My birth mother would have been only 13 years old, 5-years before my birth, but I’m slowly but surely getting more information on her life. In the background of the picture, was the family farm in North Vernon (Jennings County), an area where most of my blood relatives still reside, whether they recognize my existence or not. Prior to this, I had only seen Facebook photos of her in her mid-80’s, along with her surviving son, daughter, and grandchildren. 

My new-found cousin once again indicated that my birth mother is denying any connection to me. There apparently have been conversations about me involving her mother and my birth mother’s sister. At the same time, there was a coincidental message from another relative that may potentially help identify my birth father, a mystery that I thought was secretly protected only by my birth mother and maybe this year-older sister. Instead, I now have the last names of Burkman and a daughter who married a Proctor to expand my search beyond “Banister World.” Apparently, there is a Banister reunion in a few months. so maybe “my dirty little family secret” will be discretely shared and my status will change from an out-law to an in-law. In the meantime, I’m headed to the Jennings County library for photos and other information that may lead to answers, but more likely to more questions.    

 

 

 

 

 

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