You might want to think twice about spitting into a test tube. Are there secrets from your past that you don’t want revealed? Or, are there secrets you simply don’t know about yet? In my case, I was purposely trying to find DNA connections that might possibly lead to the identity of my birth parents. However, in the process I’ve unintentionally surprised and shocked a few people. In fact, I honestly didn’t even think about how my test might affect others. I present these thoughts as fair warning!

A popular gift these days is to present your spouse or family members with an Ancestry, 23andMe, or similar provider’s test kit. Here’s an example of the promise: “Join the World’s Largest Consumer DNA Database & Discover Your Ethnic Mix Today! Safe & Secure. Find New Relatives. The Most Connections. Number 1 Selling DNA Test. Join 10+ Million People. The Largest DNA Database. Simple & Easy. Services: Ethnicity Mix Report, New Relative Discovery.” It all sounds innocent enough!

Once you take the simple test, they provide you with a ranking of DNA name matches in order of closeness, from immediate family to first through distant cousins. Some people use their real names while others use abbreviations and probably even false identities. There is an opportunity to privately contact each other through the site, but many of the connections are very minimal and not worth pursuing. I was fortunate to find a “half-sibling” and two “first cousins” on my lists. There were also a number of “second” and “third” cousins that I could track on my family tree without contacting them, if they provided access to their own genealogical charts. I used two of the most popular services, but Ancestry proved to be most efficient in the process of identifying “relatives.”

I’m sure my “half-sibling” connection was quite surprised when I contacted her. The “first cousin” was her son, who bought her the kit for Mother’s Day. She responded, while he didn’t. Over the course of time, I know realize how lucky I was to have established contact with her, because most people will not respond to your messages. Her son, for example, felt that my efforts were “a scam.” In fairness, I have had a few people respond to my inquiries, but many remain skeptical. However, as a result of the test, I believe I have discovered the identity of my birth father, while her family has learned some secrets about their father.

I know the identity of the birth mother through court documents of the adoption (See Post #825), although she continues to be in denial. Through the DNA test, I have found a close match with her niece. I’m sure my attempts to contact this stranger have been a total shock, as were my previous certified letters to the unsuspecting birth mother and her legitimate son. Perhaps her lack of response is an indication that she regrets taking the test? Maybe it was a gift accepted without these warnings, as well?

This made me think of other reasons why people may not be anxious to take a DNA test, or respond to matches. For example, there was a time when a man could anonymously donate sperm to a couple or woman trying to conceive and everyone could be reasonably sure it would remain a secret. But thanks to home DNA test kits and the internet, those days are now over. In other words, your generosity (or income source) could backfire on you.

By the same token, men and women who didn’t know they were conceived with a sperm donor are unexpectedly turning up the family secret when they take DNA tests for fun, for genealogy research or other reasons. In a way, I guess my birth father was nothing more than a sperm donor, since he probably never knew that I existed, just as all these other children came into the world. I at least knew that I had biological connections that were separate from my adopted parents. What if you discover that you’re the product of a neighbor, the mailman, or other adventurous affair?

If you were a sperm or organ donor and want to remain anonymous – don’t take this test. As a DNA match, you could be contacted to preserve a life that you confidentially created, or in an effort to learn critical health background information. Which might make you a good Samaritan or be an unwelcome or embarrassing intrusion, depending on how you look at it? We’re already starting to see some lawsuits! On the obvious side, if you have a criminal background, a DNA test could prove your involvement, particularly in the case of a rape. On the extreme, you could be even contacted by your victim. It’s hard to imagine, but it could happen as the result of spitting in a tube. Beware!