I was asked to adapt this Lynyrd Skynyrd song in honor of our free Thanksgiving turkey. My apologies to the original artists!

Free Bird

When we leave here this evening, 

We will hunger no more. 

Because Sandy got us a free bird,

From BJ’s discount store. 

 

Holly found the coupon, 

And you drove for miles.

Loaded up the free bird,

After fighting grocery aisles.

 

And with no place to store it,

Holly saved Thanksgiving Day.

By getting you a second frig,

Too much sh*t was in the way. 

 

Now you’ve got the space,

For more free birds next year.

And Karen will have more room,

To store some extra beer. 

 

As we admire your new lamp,  

And artwork on the wall.

We’ll finish off the free bird,

That wasn’t really free at all. 

 

Then, we’ll have more pie, 

And maybe one more drink. 

And leave all your dishes,

Piled in the sink. 

 

But the bird you can now freeze,

After we devour the rest.

And we want to thank you, 

For making us your guest. 

 

It was free for all of us,

Without the restaurant check. 

A tryptophan nap will follow, 

At the cost of free bird’s neck. 

 

Without an Alka Seltzer,

This fullness I can’t tame.  

But, please, don’t take it badly,

‘Cause Lord knows I’m to blame.

 

But, if I stay here longer, girl,

I know I will drink more. 

‘Cause, I’ll be as free as that bird,

If I have one more pour. 

 

Lord help me, I can’t change,

Pass the green beans bowl.

Just another bite of free bird,

Then weight loss my next goal. 

 

And I will never change,

oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, me.

And with this bird there was no change, 

Because it was free. 


Lord, help me, I can’t cha-a-a-ange,

Lord, I can’t change.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Free bird, yeah!

 
Songwriters: Ronnie Van Zant, Allen Collins, and Mike Johnston