I am a hardcore sports fan, but it’s rare when I don’t write about my favorite teams. There are too many times when I’ve wished I’d picked winners to support. I shunned Notre Dame growing up because their fans were obnoxious, spoiled winners. I was fortunate that Indiana University had so many good teams in numerous sports throughout the years.

On last year’s road trip, I stopped by Tuscaloosa, Alabama to see my half-sister, and she graciously took us on a tour of the campus where she works. The University of Alabama is far enough away that I don’t have to put up with their undoubtedly ugly fans. The campus is apparently haunted as the former site of an experimental psychiatric hospital. Plus, I’m sure the ghost of Paul “Bear” Bryant still has a presence, especially on game day. As a fan, my half-sister always ends her notes to me with, “Roll Tide,” so I wrote this poem for her:

Rock, and Roll Tide

In Tuscaloosa,

They’re on a roll.

And hope to rock you,

With the winning goal.

 

Their mascot,

Has a trunk.

Why is that?

I’ve often “thunk.”

 

Does it have,

A Red Neck?

Or say Y’ALL?

With due respect.

 

“Big AL” roams the sidelines,

And leads some cheers.

But he’s got wrinkles,

And Elephant ears.

 

The campus ghosts,

Come out to play.

And join Bear Bryant,

For each game day.

 

The fans are pumped,

The stands are packed.

Soon Twenty titles,

Could be a fact.

 

But Tigers and Bulldogs,

Get in the way.

Gators and Razorbacks,

Think they can play.

 

They’re led by a man,

Known as Saint Nick.

He’s won seven trophies,

With a temper that’s quick.

 

Volunteers and Rebels,

Try to compete.

Aggies and Wildcats,

Can’t take the heat.

 

The red wave is coming,

That will strike them all down.

And all these imposters,

Will be run out of town.

 

What’s a War Eagle?

Or a Commodore?

Gamecocks extinct,

And Rebels no more.

 

Bryant-Denny’s,

A special place.

A hundred thousand,

Party space.

 

Script “A” and Circle,

The logo to wear.

“Dixie’s Football Pride,”

Where losses are rare.

 

When you go into battle,

Be on the right side.

‘Bama forever,

Rock, and Roll Tide!

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