It’s been over seventeen  years since our first date, that really started out as a Monday night brainstorming meeting.  After some wine and french fries there was no turning back.  I’ve kept a diary ever since, not wanting to forget anything.  We continue to keep the dating tradition alive on her Wednesday nights, celebrating the half-way point of her work week.   Since I’m now retired, I don’t speak the same language.  “Hump Day” was a work thing, so it doesn’t exist in my world any more.  “Mike…Mike….Mike….” they would tease me at the office…..”What Day is it?”……”Hump Day!”  GEICO Insurance made a camel the star of Hump Day through a series of television commercials.  Hump Day, for me, is a thing of the past. However, the much anticipated Date Night is upon us once again.  Tonight we will go to a restaurant called Dame, where I will make every effort to be “PDA free.”  There can be no interruptions from our time together, and a glance at the cell phone can ruin everything.

In my language of retirement, there is “my time” and then there is “our time.”  Her time is at the office, while I’m enjoying the selfishness of “my time” at home.   I get to do the things I want to do during “my time.”  However, once my wife puts away her work hat, she either wants my undivided attention, or is simply content to play a video game on her I-pad with a cooking or home improvement show in the background.  Once she comes home, the pets surround her like a god.  They badger her into throwing a ball, and out-maneuver each other to be close to her side.  I cooked dinner for her last night, then retreated to my office to watch the Bosch series on Amazon Prime.  Tonight, the dogs will be left behind, and we will go out together and enjoy a new restaurant, as is the tradition when her Wednesday night rolls around each week.  Date Night is an important part of “our time.”

I’ve ruined a few good Date Nights by arguing too much or paying too much attention to my phone.  It’s probably best to just turn the damn thing off.  The drive to Date Night can sometimes be difficult.  I’m at the wheel, but she’s in control.  I never properly anticipate my next turn, and so she taps on the window to guide me.  I can’t say that I blame her, since I have no sense of direction, and I often turn the wrong way.  If she’s not with me, I many times find myself embarrassingly off-route.  Apple’s “Seri” does help, but all to frequently I’m getting the same directions from both of the women in my car.  “Seri,” the other woman, is actually voice-over artist, Susan Bennett.  My wife will say, “turn right up here” and then “Seri” will say the same thing, so it can be a bit overwhelming.  I will say that “Seri” probably does cut down on directional arguments, that lead to minor spats, that can develop into wars.  Once we arrive at our destination and find a parking spot, I can finally begin to relax.   The drive home always seems to be smoother.  My wife has gotten away from what I called the “Heisman pose.”  Before  she finally adapted to my driving style, she would brace herself against the dashboard with a bit of a stiff-arm.  She doesn’t do that as often anymore, but still directs me with sharp taps on her window, as she anticipates our next turn.  Tap…Tap…Tap…like something out of a Hitchcock movie!

I don’t have to drive as much as I used to when I was working.  I’ve never enjoyed driving, except when I get on the open road.  I despise stop lights, unpredictable pedestrians, and slow moving vehicles.  I feel a bit claustrophobic in the car, so putting the top down relieves this anxiety.  I don’t like to drive in the rain and don’t see well in the dark.  Date Night often ends in the dark, and rain is the norm in Portland, so I have to concentrate a lot more on the ride home.  However, I know that I have a parking spot when I get there, and often times that’s the most frustrating aspect of Date Night.  Since we always go to a new restaurant, we’re never familiar with the surrounding neighborhoods or the secret parking spots.  This is the most stressful aspect of Date Night, since it always seems like there are only a few available spots with too many cars circling the block.  We’re always hoping that the “parking ferries” are looking out for us.  Here’s the formula for a successful Date Night:  Uneventful drive, plus convenient parking spot, plus good food and service, equals happy couple.  What could go wrong?