I did not get around to writing yesterday due to 10 hours of watching my granddaughter. I already wasn’t feeling well with an eyestrain-induced headache following a week of dealing with pink eye. We tried to take her to the resort pool but lightening cut that short. We did splash around in our pool for about an hour, fed her lunch, and baked cookies. She was then tired enough to watch TV for the rest of the afternoon. My son and his eldest daughter then arrived for burgers on the grill. We try to get together every Tuesday night but it usually puts me in a mood to worry about them. 

Things are not easy. My son spent his day off work shuttling kids to summer volunteer work, the doctor, dermatologist, and dentist, driving hundreds of miles. His wife continues to focus on her education, and has been living with her folks for months, keeping two of the kids five days a week. It’s a mess but he’s still living in their house, hoping to be able to refinance it and consolidate bills to reduce his payments. He needs me to co-sign on the loan but I won’t, concerned that the inevitable divorce and health problems may leave us with payments we can’t afford. He could potentially bankrupt both of us, while I feel guilty about not having the money to bail him out. 

I want to selfishly focus on my own happiness and security. I don’t want to spend all my retirement energy worrying about them. We’re leaving them behind for a three-week drive, but I can’t get excited about the trip while they continue to struggle. It’s the dilemma of being a parent – a love that should have no selfish constraints. I often worry about his happiness more than mine, but I’m also not willing to put my wife and I in a financial bind. This sounds like something I should be writing to Dear Abby.