This post is not about spoilers – only predictions, as Game of Thrones (GOT) sadly wraps up its final season. I was a late joiner, deciding there wasn’t much better to do in retirement. I watched the first seven seasons last year and anxiously anticipated the finale, after forgetting most of the complicated genealogical character connections. This week’s episode was one of the best with Pod’s song providing the background music for a recap of the tense eve before the war with the “Nightwalkers.” “The Dead Don’t Die!” Much like a bored group of 1960’s housewives reviewing a soap opera, some of my fellow retirees were sharing our thoughts on what might happen as the show comes to an end. Mine were a bit more tongue-in-cheek, as you might expect!

-Jon or Dany will survive but not both. The last breath will happen in each other’s arms. It will likely be Dany who dies because Jorah will also die trying to save her. Only Grey Worm will survive from Dothraki slavery because he has nothing but brass balls.

-Wheelchair-bound Bran Stark will be sacrificed to the Night King in fulfillment of his destiny. The rest of the Starks will survive since too many have already died. Theon will save Sansa’s life. Arya is already pregnant with Gendry’s son. A future bastard.

-Dany’s pet Dragons will reproduce in a magical love scene. Jon will kill both the Night Walker’s blue-eyed dragon ghost and the skeleton-like Night King in revenge of Bran, and this will win the war. He will be named War M.V.P. and be awarded a trophy made out of Dragonglass.

-Cercei dies while sitting in the Iron Throne -by popular demand. She’ll give birth to a daughter and will probably eat her.

-Samwell and his family will live to rule the Citadel. He’ll join Weight Watchers and lose 150 pounds.

-The sun will come out in the middle of the bitter Winter and melt all the Nightwalkers. Winter will never come again and the Wildings will run naked through the meadows. Edd and the rest of the Night Watch will be reassigned as librarians under the command of Samwell. Shush!

-Tyrion will die drunk & happy of AIDS in a brothel. He will save Ser Davos’ life in battle. Jamie will marry Brienne and give up any rights to the throne.

-Pod will live to sing another song.

-Lord Varys, the eunuch, will be killed by “The Mountain” after his brother, “The Hound” saves his life in battle and then finds a way to forgive him for his ugly facial scaring. They will hug in the final scene, with Cercei’s head on a stick in the background.

There will be more a lot more nudity in addition to the Wilding’s Woodstock-like meadow scenes.

Tormund will save Jon’s life and live to manage the Giants, who will eventually win the Series. Jon will discover that he has a Wilding bastard son, who will be next in line for the Seven Kingdom’s throne.

Jon will wish he was still a bastard because the bastards will rule the world.

There will be a sequel and Broadway Musical called Musical Thrones.

GOT questions?