I can’t believe that after 17 years of marriage, I almost made a rookie marital mistake of agreeing to a household service without discussing it with my wife. I find it harder to believe that I was willing to spend the money without her asking me to buy it. I am apparently now a vulnerable retiree at the mercy of clever salespeople. I remember my mom telling me that my dad started buying things on-line without her knowledge. For example, everyone in the family got watches without any apparent logic. Some would say it was thoughtful, but tragically it turned out to be the begging stages of dementia, since he didn’t remember ordering them. This is not the same – I will remember and learn from this mistake.

My wife has been vocal about ants and other household pests. Since I have the time, I constantly monitor the house for any activity including spider webs that have been a recent problem in our neighborhood. According to my wife, I rarely notice cobwebs and dust in general, so there have been questions about both my eyesight and hearing. Her concerns are justified because I do wear glasses, but sometimes do vacuuming without them or without even turning on the lights. I also can’t hear her when she tells me I need a hearing aid. I do tend to want to crank up the TV or stereo, but this has always been the case for an old time rock & roller like myself and undoubtedly has contributed to my hearing loss. As Alan Merril of the Arrows penned in 1975, “I Love Rock ‘n’ Roll.” In 1981, Joan Jett and the Blackhawks made it the number one single for seven straight weeks. What does this have to do with pest control, you may be asking?

While home by myself this afternoon, I got a knock at the door. The timing was “perfect” because I had just dealt with some ants in our bathroom, and the idea of pest control was top of mind. I asked the salesperson several questions about toxicity, being sensitive to my wife’s allergies. I agreed to a deal with this company called Aptive and told her of my improptu decision when she came home later. She was not happy, preferring to maintain control any potential foreign chemicals herself. Despite the fact that the treatments were “chemical free” and utilized by “day care centers, hospitals, etc.,” she was not convinced. Fortunately, the salesperson was understanding, after attempting to address her objections, and canceled any agreements. As he said, “Happy Wife, Happy Life,” and apologized for putting me in a difficult situation. That was gracious, because I was the one who did not consult my partner on the decision. It wasn’t the first time that I made this critical marital mistake, and I hope it will be the last.

In retrospect, I feel like vulnerable prey sitting at home waiting for that next knock at the door. Our community does have a “no soliciting policy,” and that rule is how I normally greet any salespeople in our neighborhood. I should act like our dogs and just bark! Somehow the ant attack got to me, and I forgot my defense mechanism. In addition, I had seen them talking to some of my neighbors. My wife was not aware that there was such an intrusion today, and ended up saving us about $500. I shouldn’t complain when she buys shoes. She eluded that I was turning our home into a “death trap,” and suggested spending my money on a cleaning service – that would make her a “Happy Wife.” Plus, if I needed extra credit, dinner at Cracker Barrel tonight would make her twice as cheerful.