Home at last. Home Sweet Home. Most of my posts over the past couple of weeks have been about travel rather than retirement, but at least the early years of retirement are all about travel. It’s a span in your life where you have time for adventure, whether that’s a short trip to visit family or friends or a trip to France, as was the case with us.
I was experiencing some jet lag when I woke up this morning, so writing anything was put on hold. I did do several loads of laundry, perform some on-line banking, and go to the Chiropractor, as scheduled. After many hours of air travel, I tend to get a bit stiff, feel bloated, and get some swelling in my ankles. I did manage, however, to get my run in first thing. Today, was 3,070 consecutive days, with yesterday’s miles coming at 4 a.m., just prior to departure from the boat. I will say that running is always easier when you don’t consume a lot of wine the night before. That was the case this morning, probably for the first time in the last two weeks. Viva la France!
We ended up spending about $3,000 more than originally planned on this particular excursion. Most of the trip was prepaid, as part of a retirement gift from my wife. However, when you add in some additional excursions, a Paris museum pass plus additional admissions, tips, meals, and gifts, the credit card bills add up quickly. It was worth it!
I felt there was just a bit too much structure to this trip. It almost felt like work. Flight times, daily tours, meetings about the tours, and group dinners were almost too much pressure for a retired guy like me to handle. At least, I didn’t have to go back to the office this morning like my poor wife! The main advantage to the river cruise was that you didn’t have to switch hotel rooms every night, but you also had to rely on bus and foot transportation to get to the sites of interest. One of my favorite movies is “Planes, Trains, and Automobiles” with Steve Martin and John Candy. When you add “Bus, Boat, and Blisters,” you know you’ve done some serious traveling.
I met a lot of great people on the boat, and enjoyed the company, for the most part, from all my traveling companions. The good news about group travel is that there is usually an instigator to get you all together. They usually have some Boy Scout or Girl Scout leadership training and some sales skills to bring everyone together. They get the ball rolling, maybe get a travel agent to help, and brave the responsibility of assuring smooth travels for everyone. The bad news is that it adds even more structure to your travel plans. In our case, we traveled with nine: The Viking Nine. I think that I will plan my next major trip around simple sunshine and a beach chair.
Everything went remarkably smoothly on this trip, even with nine people to worry about. The weather was absolutely perfect, the main element no one can control. As we parted company after a dozen days together, I wrote this poem to share the memories (the names have been changed to protect the innocent):
The Viking Nine
This is the story,
Of the Viking Nine.
Could our boat store,
Enough fine wine?
.
We’re all together,
Thanks to Rog and Jan.
They formulated,
The initial plan.
.
We arrived in town,
To a festive parade.
Was the President,(*1)
In a Motorcade?
.
Hotel Rochester,
For three nights.
While off to explore,
The Paris lights.
.
Are the bath towels,
The proper gauge? (*9)
Champs Elysees,
The fashion rage.
.
Morny Pizza,
Is that French food?
Careful with that,
Machine gun, dude.
.
There’s a Five Guys,(*2)
In the neighborhood.
When we speak French,
Is it understood?
.
“Let’s get some Boeuf,”
Tom suggests.
He leads the way,
While Colleen rests.
.
Not feeling well,
Cold Medicine high.
While Natalie and Sean,
Honeymoon nearby.
.
We walked around,
On our Bloody Stumps.
The cobblestone streets,
Ankle-Breaking lumps.
.
Monuments, Museums,
Sculpture and Art.
The Viking Rinda,
Will soon depart.
.
From the parking lot,
Where it was docked.
The first impression:
I was shocked.
.
A Motel 6,
My first thought.
Just what had,
We gone and bought?
.
But once aboard,
After a bottle of wine.
We all knew,
We’d be just fine!
.
The Seine beneath,
Michael our guide.
Now just sit back,
Enjoy the ride.
.
Several stops,
Along the way.
Monet’s Gardens,
A beautiful day.
.
Joan and Vincent,
Louie and Marie.
Richard and Claude,
All sites to see. (*3)
.
Sand from Omaha,
Coca-Cola light.
Going through locks,
We fit, but tight.
.
As the walls closed in,
We needed some air.
Is that green moss,
In your hair? (*8)
.
The King’s on his throne,
“Poop and Circumstance.”
“I see London, France,
And someone’s underpants.” (*7)
.
Is that a Wig?
The Gold trim’s nice.
What’s on your shirt?
Is that head lice? (*4)
.
That’s really quite,
A garden bed.
And very sorry,
You lost your head.
.
Planes trains autos,
Bus, Boat, Blisters.
Jace and Jean,
The mustard sisters.
.
Sharon got to go,
But had to pay for two.
Did Captain come a callin’?”
Probably not true!
.
So the Viking Nine,
Were really ten.
And I doubt Sharon,
Will do that again.
.
A few table squabbles,
Colds and Diarrhea. (*5)
My wife and I were mostly,
Very glad to see ya!
.
Stateroom views,
were mostly blocked.
But Alcohol,
Was fully stocked.
.
Meeting after meeting,
Tour after tour.
How much supervision,
Can we possibly endure?
.
Treated like a King,
While aboard the ship.
Now please don’t forget,
To leave a royal tip!
.
Maybe you had to be there to get the full meaning of this poem, but it seemed to be a fun way to wrap-up our adventure. If you go back through my posts the past couple of weeks, you’ll get most of the references. I also added some foot notes to aid explanation (*). Special thanks to King Louis “Louie” (XIV, XV, and XVI), Queen Marie Antoinette, Joan de Arc, Claude Monet, Vincent Van Gogh, and King “Richard the Lionheart” for allowing me to abbreviate their names and titles. After all, I’d like to keep my head! (*3)
I was also fully grossed out about the stories of the King’s bad teeth, poor bathing habits, ceremonial toilets, wig usage, and related head lice. We all left the Palace of Versailles scratching our heads! (*4)
I would also like to thank Imodium and French cold medicine for assisting several of us who were weakened by long hours of travel, lack of sleep, airplane germs, and too much rich food. Special credit to the pharmacist who sold us the Imodium. He showed great concern through his eyes and somehow managed to keep a straight face! At least our problem was not broadcast to the rest of our tour group, as was the case of two other guests who were explaining to their tour guide about their need to find a rest room. Unfortunately, the guide’s microphone was on and all 41 of those in our group knew they had Napoleon’s Revenge! (*5)
New French President Emmanuel Macron, succeeded Francois Hollande on the day we arrived in France. (*1) A parade blocked the streets of the Champs Elysees and kept us from going across the street to Five Guys Burgers for lunch. They do not serve wine, by the way. We had pizza instead, where they did serve wine. (*2)
This stanza was originally left blank at the request of Tom, Colleen’s husband. As our boat was passing through one of several locks along the route of the Seine River, she went out on the veranda of their stateroom. The boat was very close to the wall, and he was concerned that when she turned around she might have gotten some of the gross, green moss in her hair. She did not – I simply took poetic license! He has the opportunity to make up his own lines in this section of the poem. (*8)
Tom, as an extensive traveler, also judges his hotel rooms by the gauge of the towels, thickness of the soap, and water pressure in the shower. He was disappointed both by the Hotel Rochester and the Viking Rinda. (*9)
One last note, my wife and I attended the late-night Moulin Rouge champagne show. It was not necessarily family friendly, with the mass display of both bare male and female breasts. I included the reference to underpants, through a silly children’s rhyme, to honor this very French dance extravaganza. I could be talked in to seeing it again! (*7)
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