I’ve been fighting a bad cold the past 5 days and had to resort to Alka-Seltzer Plus, feeling like a snotty-nosed kid again. (See Post #201). Vick’s, Honey, and Whiskey were not enough to stop the coughing, scratchy throat, and fever. I can’t remember the last time I was in such a puny condition, but I’m finally getting better. I don’t understand why germs want to pick on old, retired bodies like mine, when there are so many younger options available. If I were a germ, I would want to spend my time inside a younger, more attractive model.
Once you catch a cold, you begin to immediately search for blame. Who gave me this? I figure that the plane rides from New York back to Portland were the culprit, but I wasn’t aware of anyone around me coughing and sniffling. I don’t believe that you see a germ coming, even if you are exposed to the sick. Germ warfare is just as tactical as everything I’ve learned about Vietnam, The Civil War, Revolutionary War, The two World Wars, or the Religious Wars. The strategy is the same – sneak up on the enemy – don’t let them know you’re coming. Germs are, in my opinion, just as savvy with their attacks. You simply can’t inhabit a new host by coughing in their face, you attack before the symptoms become obvious. By the same token, you can accuse others of passing along their sickness, if you need a outlet for anger, but chances are that your infliction came from a quieter, sneakier source.
I’ve watched people back away quickly when I admit to having a cough and cold. You’re immediately worried that through your admission that they will get a cold and put the blame immediately on you. Instead, I may have simply been a clever diversion, while the carefully trained germs sneak in the back door. They are doing military drills in my head right now, practicing for their next attack. Advil and Alka-Seltzer help calm the noise from their boots marching around my brain. Germ troops stab me randomly with their bayonets, blast cannon balls through my nasal passages, and hide mines that will cause future damage. Their ships disrupt my stomach, while planes buzz through my intestines, and tanks plot their next move. Hopefully, this war will be over soon, and it will soon be someone else’s problem,
I’ve done my best to protect others by staying home, washing my hands frequently, stepping out of rooms during coughing fits, and avoiding hand-shakes and hugs. We should all use the fist bump more often and contain sneezes to the elbow sleeve! Whatever precautions I’ve taken, however, are probably futile. These germs are ruthless and smart enough to know to attack when the potential victim can’t see the signs. As a result, they will patiently wait until I’m feeling better and out-and-about before they make their next move.
Ah-choo!
Uncried tears. 🙂