I remember the 1994 movie Four Weddings and a Funeral, but needed to look up this brief recap as a refresher:

“Lovable Englishman Charles (Hugh Grant) and his group of friends seem to be unlucky in love. When Charles meets a beautiful American named Carrie (Andie MacDowell) at a wedding, he thinks his luck may have changed. But, after one magical night, Carrie returns to the States, ending what might have been. As Charles and Carrie’s paths continue to cross — over a handful of nuptials and one funeral — he comes to believe they are meant to be together, even if their timing always seems to be off.”

Starting with the funeral of my 97-year old mother-in-law a few days ago, I’m currently involved in my own version of the story, as all three brides-to-be mourned the loss of their grandmother. The fourth sister is already married with a one-year old son. One down -three to go! My son was married ten years ago and has three kids, to complete the first “circle of life.” Only a niece remains intentionally unattached, as she continues to travel the world.

Our time passed quickly between services, trips to Goodwill, and furniture moves. We hired a company to haul the remaining items out of my Mother-In-Law’s small apartment and rented a small truck to distribute them among various relatives. Each unhappy moment was matched with meaningful support from good friends. Dinners and toasts filled the evenings, along with a tour of the Mecum Auction event and a wild ride in a souped-up Dodge Charger on a make-shift Fairgrounds track coated with burnt rubber. As they say in Indy, “life goes on..and moves fast.”

Only two of my MIL’s four children were able to attend the service and burial. The two sisters that were present, including my wife, were involved in her last few years of care. We would travel back to Indiana from Portland, Oregon at least four times every year to visit and help her get to medical appointments.The other sister was much more involved, living in proximity. It was difficult on both of them to be either too close or too far away from her needs. As a result, assisted living and caregivers were hired. As to be expected, disagreements ensued but all issues were resolved.

As the initial pains of loss slowly recede, hopefully a sense of relief prevails. The last few months of life were particularly burdensome as “Mother’s”; quality of life suffered. My wife seeks comfort by trying to go to sleep each night after recalling a pleasant memory of her upbringing. I wrote a poem of some of my favorite memories. It was especially tough for this to happen just before Mother’s Day. Cards and flowers were sent that will never be acknowledged. Both daughters will now have weddings to plan, but will feel the emptiness of not having their beloved mother involved in these three monumental life events.

We all now move on to weddings as we fly back home. There may never be a time when my wife returns to her hometown, and certainly fewer travels to Indiana in general. We’ll be in Egypt next year when her niece ties the knot near French Lick. Beforehand, we’ll
see our Hoosier family for sure when we all gather together in San Francisco for the first ceremony of marriage in September. The November affair will be in Portland with only a close family presence. In both cases, ex-relationships could be awkward, but will not interfere with these special days for my wife’s two daughters. There’s a lot to look forward to yet this year of new beginnings to overshadow a sorrowful ending.