We buy a lot of tickets and when they are used, I drop them into a collector’s box with a glass front on my office wall. Sadly, it’s rare anymore to get an actual ticket, most are now electronic, so there’s nothing to put in the box. Understandably, every once in a while, we encounter a ticket problem – lost, misplaced, wrong date, rescheduled, etc. For example, two years ago we went to a Santana/EW&F concert in Tampa. It wasn’t until we were about to enter the parking when an attendant pointed out that we were a year early!

Last night, my wife bought tickets for the local Lemon Bay Playhouse, presenting “Let’s Murder Marsha” (not Marcia, for those of you that know my first wife). At least, my current wife thought it was last night until we went to sit in our seats that were occupied by another couple, as were the seats that she bought for our two guests. We checked the row just to be sure, but the “I” looked like a “J,” and to add to the confusion, it turned out there was no Row I. Rather than creating a big stink at this point, we simply sat in the uncomfortable empty chairs in the back, just behind Row J, just waiting for someone to kick us out. Our friends had gone off to seek the help of an usher, when my wife noticed that our tickets were for the next night. 

Admitting our mistake, while everyone around us was probably thinking we were idiots, the usher graciously said that no one had bought the seats in front of us, so we could sit there. To make matters worse, I had bought a glass of $2 wine that was actually in a plastic cup. When our friends returned, I stood up to let them pass and fumbled my drink, as I too often do these days because of my shaky hands. Red wine spilled all over my shorts and pink shirt that fortunately happened to closely match the wine stain. While I went to the restroom to clean myself up, the usher, obviously feeling sorry for us after all our disruptions, moved us up to Row D. The lady behind me then whispered to her husband that she couldn’t see over me, so I scrunched down as low as possible in the seat, already uncomfortable from the sticky wine. Fortunately, the play was good, but I was stiff, sore, and sticky by intermission. 

We had several of our neighbors involved in the performance, so we’re anxious to share the story with them. If someone would like to see the show tonight from Row J, we obviously still have four tickets available – just joking of course. Let’s murder the ticket buyer who created this snafu!