I continue to be amazed by the volume of scatological output relative to our dog Tinker’s small size. I also know from comments that others aren’t quite as fascinated with this subject, so I’m giving you fair warning before you waste your time reading this post:  POOP ALERT! I know there is no Guinness World Record Book listing on this subject, but it does report Blue Whale feces to be colossal in size. Dinosaurs apparently also made a big impact, judging from their fossilized leave-behinds also know as “coprolite.” The scientific term is derived from the Greek words kopros meaning “dung” and lithos meaning “stone,” although it’s hardly “lite.” If you’ll pardon the pun, they’re now ex-stinked. Tinker is very much alive, and is not known for massive movements but rather aggregate sum. 

I proudly call our stoolish schnauzer “The Poopingest Pup on the Planet,” but the only means of comparison is really our other schnauzer Tally. We think that Tink is part-poodle and this may be the reason for her superior intelligence. I don’t even want to get into “poodle doodles,” and I’m not talking about breeding. Tally is half her older sister’s age, and both were adopted. They each weigh 25-26 pounds and are served the same amount of food every day, yet Tinker regularly has ten times the output. I know this because I’m responsible for their daily care that includes 6 or more outings a day. It’s rare if I don’t collect at least one full doggy bag every time I take her out. Pound-for-pound I’m willing to challenge any competitor. 

Tinker does steal Tally’s food to the point where I have to stand over the bowls and referee once dinner is served. Tinker devours her dinner, while Tally seems to savor every glorious bite. As I’ve reported before, Tinker is not shy when it comes to pooping and favors no surface. Tally needs privacy and seeks a patch of ivy or tall grass to hide her spoils. I go through roll-after-roll of doggy bags on account of Tinker, but Tally thoughtfully never goes where others might walk. They are output opposites!

Today is the day I take them to Urban Fauna for playtime and grooming. This is a second Tuesday of the month ritual, but in this case it’s been five weeks. They need a bath badly to the point where my wife jokingly pleaded, “Please get the Stink off Tink!” Too many times a day, I get the stink out of her and collect it in a bag. This is the one day a month when it’s somebody else’s responsibility to clean-up after the two of them. I have a feeling they hold it in all day, because they are sure glad to get back to their favorite spots here in our neighborhood. I’m always the one left holding the bag!

Soon, we’ll be packing up the “Doggy Bags” to head to Bend, Oregon. It will involve a three-hour drive for the dogs, who love any “ride in the car.” I don’t think they have a sense of distance, but any opportunity to get out of the house seems exciting. Just the words, “ride in the car,” gets their tails wagging. It takes awhile for Tinker to settle into the ride, as many times her legs start to shake and she begins to pant in what we believe is panic. We were told at the time of her adoption, that she was abandoned early in her life and was eventually found in the woods caked in mud. She ate acorns to fill her stomach that supposedly kept her digestive system intact. At this time in her life, maybe Baby Ruth was a better description of her poop production than Tootsie Roll? (See Post #722). She also seems to associate being abandoned or dumped with being in the car, so a longer ride eases some of that anxiety. She often sits on my wife’s lap in the passenger seat but will eventually curl-up in peaceful sleep on her elevated bed in the back seat, until I hit a disturbing highway rumble strip. Tally will sit in anticipation of mom’s lap availability. Poop-related accidents in the car have been limited to Tinkerhea. (See Post #370). Bags are not helpful when this happens!