Category: CREATURE FEATURES (Page 21 of 37)

Lions and Tigers and Bears, Oh My! (Plus dogs and cats)

Retirement is not without Hassles: One Day At A Time #904

April 11, 2019 / mikeljohnston1 / 0 Comments

I’m on another plane today after running the mile minimum necessary to extend “The Streak” due to all the packing preparations. Our destination is Chicago, so the four hour flight seems like a puddle-jump compared to our recent trip to Thailand. We’ll be gone a week, so the pups will be well cared for by Kimberley. Frankie the cat will be predictably upset so we can expect some revenge shenanigans from her when we return. She’ll probably refuse to eat and use everything but her litter box to get even. Tally will be excited to go on more walks with her energetic play pal and Tinker will think she’s starving, worried about if we’re ever coming back? Both schnauzers clearly noticed the suitcases being packed this morning and transferred to the car. We never tell them “goodbye,” that would only serve to add to their stress levels.

I felt the usual travel stress myself while driving to the airport. “Did I forget anything?” dominates my thoughts. “What could go wrong?” is explored over and over in my mind. The real purpose of this trip is to visit my wife’s 97-year old mother and give her a break from assisted living. Unfortunately, she’s living a life no one would envy. Her visit is in conjunction with my wife’s Chicago business meetings tomorrow. We’ll stick around Chicago for a ballgame and some dinners before we make the drive into Indiana. At least this time we’re not also going to Indianapolis or Elkhart for sister visits, so the driving will be much less hectic. We’ll save that for three months from now when we likely will return.

I’ve not yet committed to my 50th High School Reunion that could be part of that next visit to the Hoosier state. There’s also the 98th birthday to celebrate and my 68th. Thirty more years of living would not be my preference if I couldn’t travel, read, write, or even watch TV. My aging mother-in-law was born in the same year as my parents, who have been gone now for well over four years. She’s been mostly deaf since childhood and is gradually losing her eyesight due to kidney failure. Soon her savings will be depleted on nursing care. With this in mind, twenty more years will be more than enough for me. That’s another 7,300-plus days of daily running on top of today’s 3,756 USRSA streak. Maybe even 10,000 consecutive days is enough – that could happen when I’m only 85! I’d also like to ski when I’m 80, but 70 is first. One day at a time!

Retirement is not without Hassles: Small World #896

April 4, 2019 / mikeljohnston1 / 0 Comments

I woke up this morning, as has been the case for the last 67 and a half years. I then went for a run, as has been the routine for the last 3,749 days. These two things you count on from me, since they now they go hand in hand in retirement. As long as I continue to live; I plan to continue to run…every day. Brushing my teeth is the second priority. I’m indeed lucky to have out-survived many of my peers.

Too often now it seems like I lose another acquaintance I’ve made through the years. Recently, it was a high school classmate who because of the similarity of our last names was frequently seated next to me in high school homeroom. Only the privileged “t” in Johnston put me just behind him on the alphabetical classroom roster. I can’t say we were close but his recent death caught my attention. His obituary was posted on my hometown’s Elkhart High School 50th Reunion Facebook page, otherwise I probably wouldn’t have known. It’s a site that is by invitation only in anticipation of our big event later this summer. 50 years since graduation serves as a reminder how quickly life passes by.

As I was reading Stephen Johnson’s obituary, it once again occurred to me what a small world it truly is. About 10 years ago in Austin, Texas I joined a small Toastmaster’s Club and began to continue my work towards its highest level of DTM. This requires hundreds of speeches, plus serving as an officer on the local and District levels. I accomplished this goal four years later after initial involvement with clubs in Indianapolis and Decatur, Illinois. I remember giving one of my first “icebreaker” speeches in Austin about my favorite pizza place, Volcano in Elkhart, Indiana. At the end of the meeting, a fellow Toastmaster came up to me and introduced himself as Mark Johnson. Coincidentally, he also grew up near Elkhart and “about fell off his chair” as I shared my story that day. He would visit his mom back in Indiana but talked little of his father, and over the course of time we became friends.

There are lots of Johnson’s and Johnston’s in this world, and too frequently my name is misspelled without the “t.” For this reason, I did not catch the connection between Stephen and Mark. It’s hard to believe that it did not sink in until I read that Stephen had a son in Austin, Texas named Mark. It’s even harder to believe that I became acquainted with both of them during the course of my lifetime in towns thousands of miles apart. I wish that I could tell Stephen that I knew his son and we went to a Cubs game together in Houston. We even stayed in the same hotel and ran side-by-side on the fitness center treadmill in the first year of my running streak that now is over ten. Sadly, it took an obituary to put this all together. Honestly, I’m not even sure that Stephen Johnson would have even remembered me from high school even though our pictures are side by side in the Elkhart High School 1969 Pennant Annual.

Creature Features: Doggie Depression #881

March 21, 2019 / mikeljohnston1 / 0 Comments

As we gradually pack our bags for Thailand, the dogs begin to feel a sense of pending doom. They see the suitcases in the closet and know that we will be leaving them soon. Will we ever come back, they wonder? Is this the last we will see “mom” and “dad?” What did we do wrong for them to abandon us? Tinker, our oldest schnauzer, who we “rescued” from the shelter over thirteen years ago, will never forget her time alone in the woods, covered in dirt from head to toe when they brought her to the kennel. In fact, we thought we were adopting a brown rather than black dog. It made no difference, the attraction was through her eyes.

Tinker suffers from separation anxiety every time we leave the house, and refuses to look us in the eye as we go off on each travel excursion. It’s clearly “Doggie Depression,” and who can blame her for any concern. She’s well taken care of when we leave, but it’s just not the same. I suppose she temporarily gets over her poutiness with every meal she has, but what if the next one doesn’t come? She’s become more impatient with age, like me, and incessantly barks to remind us of feeding time. Her reputation as “The Poopingest Pup on the Planet” is dependent on input. From her perspective, there is never enough food in her bowl and consequently she closely shadows me every time I get up, hoping that I’ll open the refrigerator and satisfy her need to eat again.

Tally, her younger schnauzer sister, only stirs if a door is opened; otherwise she stays to herself. Unlike Tinker, she is not constantly begging for morsels and sometimes requires a lot of coaxing to even eat her dinner. Her goal is simply to get outside the house and therefore carefully monitors all door activity. No walk is ever long enough for her and she fights the leash to try to lead us where she wants to go. She’ll even grab the leash and pull with her teeth as if she’s taking herself on a walk. Her “Doggie Depression” comes from not getting enough exercise, often confined to “good bed” with her head resting between her paws and a sad look on her face. She’s always excited to see the pet sitter and anticipates the potential of a long walk from a younger human. Depression solved!

Gimpy Tinker needs the stroller anymore to keep up with the pace and distance. She would probably rather stay near the refrigerator, but doesn’t want to miss out on any companionship. She tries her best to match Tally’s gait, but her fat little tummy nearly drags on the ground. She also struggles with stairs, and once her business is done is ready to head “back to the barn.” Even though both of our schnauzers are close to the same 25 pound weight, Tally’s legs are longer like a thoroughbred. She still tries to get Tinker to interact like she once did through playful lunges, but “Hundred-Five-Year-Old” Tinker is just too old for puppy gymnastics. 9-year old Tally has to often rely on passing puppies to get her playtime fix, however she often shies away from big dogs and obnoxiously barks at those her size. It’s an effort to get them stirred up, as she circles for an attack. She acts like a puppy with boundless energy, and stalls on relief functions to maximize her time outdoors.

With Tally, little input means limited output, and she’s always careful to choose a spot away from the beaten path. She does her duty while showing strong signs of modesty, while Tinker goes anywhere at anytime. She will stop in the middle of the street if nature calls, while Tally saves it for a patch of ivy or tall grass where she can partially hide. She also seems to prefer going on the side of a hill, climbing like a mountain goat. Tinker, on the other hand, does not linger, displaying an urgency to get off her aging feet and lay down near her dog bowl. If we’re not traveling her “Doggie Depression” is limited to lack of food.

Creature Features: Puperazzi #873

March 11, 2019 / mikeljohnston1 / 0 Comments

My wife comes home from a tough day at the office and is playfully attacked by our two schnauzer puppies. She calls them her “Puperazzi;” comprised of Tinker and Tally, along with Frankie the cat patiently awaiting her turn in the greeting line. Tinker wants food, while Tally wants attention, acting like they’ve been totally deprived and ignored all day long. Granted, I’m no natural “pet lover,” but I’ve evolved in retirement to be their chief care giver when “Mom” is at work.

Tally will run to the door in anticipation as soon as she hears her car come up the street. Tinker, who’s hearing isn’t as sharp anymore, will start her incessant barking, and Frankie will come out of her hiding spot to see what is going on at the back door. My wife is thrilled to see them, and they’ll lead her to the refrigerator. I try to give them a few minutes to calm down before I fill their bowls, but Tinker is starving and will follow me like a shadow while I first attend to Frankie’s dinner. Age before Beauty! Tally will try to draw my wife’s attention by rolling over on her back with her raised paws in a cute pose, yearning for a “Tummy Attack.” If I even attempt to tend to her pleading eyes, Tinker gets upset and Tally seems disappointed that it’s only me doing the rubbing. I can just hear her saying, “you’ve been here all day, so if I wanted you to do this I would have performed earlier.” At the same time, Tinker is always wondering if I forgot to feed her.

The “Puperazzi” are really the “Schnauzerazzi,” a group of devoted pets without cameras. I wish it could be said that “I am nothing but chopped liver.” If that were the case, I too would be lovingly devoured. My wife doesn’t even need to wear “meat perfume,” to get covered in affectionate kisses and slathered with wet tongues. I can’t even get close to the action. Even Frankie begins to “Meow” after a day of quietly lounging on our bed. Once everyone is fed, it is then my thankless job to take them outside, where they just can’t wait to get back to her side by the couch. Tally wants to be petted, while Tinker is restless for a piece of whatever we’re eating. Tally also likes to warm herself by the fire, hoping for more admiration of her supreme cuteness. She is truly a pet that needs to be endlessly pampered – but only by the right person – guess who?

Tinker likes to go to sleep with us on the bed, but needs to be lifted anymore. By morning, she’s on the floor carefully positioned so I will trip over her in the dark. Tally will not get in our bed without a lot of coaxing and only rarely when I’m under the covers. This is another tribute to her master, but she prefers to sleep by herself on her couch surrounded by pillows. She growls if Tinker or Frankie gets anywhere close to her overnight domain. Actually, it’s a couch that we once tried to donate to the Salvation Army, but it was worn beyond their standards. Tally made it hers when she chewed the corners of the cushions back when she was a teething pup that we called “The Tally Monster,” or sometimes “The Tallygator.” (See Post and Poem #77). We’ve hauled it from Illinois to Texas to Oregon for her exclusive use these past nine years. Tinker, on the other hand, will not sleep in any of her beds and sometimes prefers the cooler wooden floors. The entire “Puperazzi” fan club does not typically stir all night until my wife’s alarm goes off for the second time. They are good sleepers, resting up for that big surge of activity when she finally gets home from work.

Creature Features: Cutie Care #861

March 4, 2019 / mikeljohnston1 / 0 Comments

“Cutie Care” does not just apply to manicures and pedicures, it is all about the feeding and nurturing of our precious pets. My wife is much better at this than I am, and it’s why they crave her attention. I can be here all day long with them without as much as a stir, except when it’s time to go outside or I approach the refrigerator. However, when my wife comes home for work, they practically mob her at the door. She gets what she claims to be “ear kisses and nose bops,” while I wait patiently for my turn.

Without giving her too much credit in the “cutie care” department, she does get home at feeding time, so some of their excitement is about food. However, our youngest schnauzer Tally will roll over on her back and expose her belly for a “Tummy Attack.” She rarely does this for me. She also typically greets my wife at the door with a stuffed toy. Tally has gotten in trouble for being too aggressive with her nose bops, so the toy helps cushion her enthusiasm when jumping-up for a lick to the face as you bend-down to pet her. She also seems to need my wife’s approval before she eats, and responds to “Yummy Tummy.” It’s all silly baby-talk to me.

Our hundred year old schnauzer Tinker never needs encouragement to eat. This is why she’s known as “The Poopingest Pup on the Planet.” She’ll finish the food in her bowl, slowly sneak towards Tally’s dish, and would steal it all if we didn’t supervise. Tinker is usually finished eating before we finally coax Tally to eat the first bite. We’ll bang on the side of her bowl and tell her how good it is, keeping one eye on Tinker’s movements. Not surprisingly, every time we go to the Vet, Tinker always weighs a little more. With every year older she also somehow gets hungrier, and gobbles down every bite like it’s her last meal. Don’t get your fingers in the way! Tally, on the other hand, likes to savor her food, and this can be costly around greedy Tinker.

As soon as it gets to be 5 o’clock, Tinker’s built-in clock tells her that “mom” will be home soon and dinner will then be served. It’s this association that causes her to bark relentlessly in anticipation of arrival. All our pets can hear my wife’s sports car come up the street and the garage door open; it’s their cue to line-up at the back door and wait for “Cutie Care.” After the ceremonies, Tinker then rushes to the kitchen and waits, keeping one eye on her bowl and the other on the refrigerator. She’s also my wife’s sous-chef, always at her side in the kitchen, hoping to taste anything she’s preparing. Tally remains unimpressed with food and stays in the background until she’s called. She’s usually on our bed or in “good bed” patiently waiting to eat, while her older sister simply can’t get enough.

Tally relishes “Cutie Care” and plays the role perfectly, putting her best “cute” forward. Tinker would rather just eat but knows that acting “cute” will earn her more dining rewards. Frankie our cat begins to prowl just before her scheduled feeding times. As the “Senior Cutie” at 18 years old, she knows the routine and rarely ventures out of our bedroom, unless there’s a feeding frenzy in the kitchen. She does not like to be left out and let’s us know with a mournful “meow.” She does not give me any credit for cleaning her litter box every day. Lately, she’s also been avoiding me because of the medication I have to force down her throat.

On the “Cutie Rating Scale,” I rank a distant last in our family. I also usually do the dirty work, putting my wife on an even higher scale of adoration. I take our pets to the vet, accompany them on walks, clean up after them, and do most of the yelling. This leaves the “Cutie Care” primarily in my wife’s capable hands. It makes her feel welcome as she comes in the door from a hard day’s work, and gives me something constructive to do in retirement. It’s just too bad I don’t qualify for “Cutie Care.”

Retirement is not without Hassles: American Pie #860

March 3, 2019 / mikeljohnston1 / 0 Comments

The sun is shining for the second straight day, but there’s a cold wind blowing against the atypical backdrop of bright blue skies at this time of year. March is up to its usual indecisive ways, wavering between Winter and Spring. Today, we head to the Portland Antique and Collectibles Show to find treasures that somehow became other people’s junk, but first a little exercise with the dogs. Will it be the day I find that long-lost-item I simply can’t live without? What kind of dent will this purchase put in the retirement budget, or will I escape without any damage?

I told you these “Schnauzerthons” were challenging! My wife twisted her ankle and limped most of the way along the trail this morning. I did a lot of stopping and starting, trying to get my 5k run on the books for the day. We’ll see how the ankle injury affects our plans to go to the antique show, but I have a feeling that her strong will to shop will persevere. There is an antique jewelry dealer’s booth in particular that she wants to explore with hopes of helping her youngest daughter find a wedding ring. It is the same place where I ended up buying my wife’s Christmas present after she spotted it at last year’s show. As you can see, it turned out to be an expensive visit last year, so you can imagine my concerns about going back.

A gown purchase for one daughter last night and ring shopping for the other today has my wife excited about both upcoming weddings. I can tell she wants to be as involved as possible, but doesn’t want to meddle. Both girls also seem to be competing for her attention. She walks that fine line of maternal instinct that sometimes leads to argument. I’m certainly pleased for both girls, but as their stepfather I will stay out of the lime-light and focus on the Coors Light. The vows for the oldest will be here in Portland, while the youngest will tie the knot in the Bay area. It will definitely be an eventful year.

Predictably, it was another costly visit to the Portland Expo Center. We had free tickets, but some Fiesta Ware and an antique opal broach caught her eye. I elected to wait until we get back from Thailand later this month to invest in her June birthday, so she bought them for herself. I was satisfied with a corn dog and some soft ice cream. On a separate note while she was negotiating with jewelers, I registered myself on the Heritage Auction website in anticipation of perhaps buying some sports memorabilia. I didn’t see anything that struck me at this year’s version Antique and Collectibles show. It was a little smaller turnout on the part of displaying exhibitors due to rainy California weather that prevented travel into Oregon, so we we were able to get down all the aisles quicker.

The rest of my wife’s Sunday will be spent in the living room. We’re finished with the six-season Netflix series, The Americans, and will move on tonight to the Eugene Levy comedy, Schitt’s Creek. As a side note, I once spotted Eugene on the Oceanside trail behind our Wailea, Hawaii hotel. Also, one woman at work felt that we looked alike – maybe the kinky hair and glasses – so we now have a couple of common bonds. He of course does not know that I exist so I’m the only one aware of these ties. I did enjoy his acting role as Noah Levenstein, Jim’s dad, in the first four American Pie films, and transformed into smaller roles for the final four installments. He eventually finds happiness with “Stifler’s Mom.” I’ll look for him again when we return to Maui in two months, after Thailand, Seattle, and Chicago. Maybe we’ll also run into “Mom” aka Janine, Jennifer Coolidge?

When I think of the build-up to these upcoming weddings, I can’t help but remember American Wedding, Eugene Levy’s third appearance in the classic “Pie” series. The engagement is a near disaster, Stifler’s attempt to organize a bachelor party goes awkwardly awry, and then he inadvertently kills the flowers the night before the big event. It’s some welcome comedic relief for what we hope will be nowhere near as chaotic in the planning of these two family weddings later this year.

In the meantime, my wife I will continue enjoy the quiet time associated with movies and TV series. They at least keep us in the same room, holding hands, and give us something besides work to talk about. She’ll elevate her swollen ankle and comfort our oldest schnauzer Tinker who is also nursing a gimpy leg. For dinner, we’ll enjoy some hot soup with maybe some “Pie” for dessert.

Old Sport Shorts: Double Spartan Burger with Extra Cheese #859

March 2, 2019 / mikeljohnston1 / 0 Comments

I had a cheeseburger to celebrate the I.U. basketball victory over BIG conference the rival Wisconsin “Cheeseheads.” This was after quality wins over Marquette, Louisville, and Michigan State, despite a bizarre season of repeated disappointment. How can they only win games against some of the best teams in the country and somehow not show up for the spoils? I threatened to order a “Double Spartan Burger with Extra Cheese” if they could pull-off a second upset against the Spartans – this time at home in Bloomington. So, where can I get a “Spartan Burger?”

Come to find out there is a Spartans Burger franchise in Huntington Park, California, plus a Spartan Drive-In located in Stanwood, Washington. Coincidentally, there is also The Spartan – Burger and Souvlaki Bar in Phuket, Thailand, our destination three weeks from now. Hopefully, the sweet taste of victory will not be replaced with the bitterness of defeat in the meantime. This Hoosier victory over Michigan State is an important stepping-stone to the NCAA Tournament that just a week ago was an impossibility. All they have to do is now beat two of the worst teams in the BIG conference and win their first game in the BIG Ten tournament. Mission Impossible is now more than just a dream.

This year’s I.U. team is one of the worst shooting teams in memory. Fortunately, my memory isn’t very good. To support my lack of confidence is the fact that today they were a miserable 37.7% from the field, 37.5% from three-point range, and a pathetic 61.5% from the free throw line, yet still managed to defend the Spartans from scoring the winning bucket. By comparison, M.S.U. percentages were a far superior 54.2, 40, and 80 respectively. A month ago in East Lansing, the victorious Hoosiers were a comparable 38.9% from the floor and only slightly better from the charity stripe and behind the arc. In the meantime, they then managed to also beat ranked Wisconsin but couldn’t outscore Iowa (twice), Ohio State, Minnesota, or Purdue (twice). My Cream & Crimson have barely beaten Northwestern, Penn State, and Illinois, each poised dangerously to finish last in the pack, to account for their only other conference victories and an unacceptable 6-12 record.

In-state rival Purdue now sits on top of the BIG conference at an impressive 15-3 to make matters even worse. Indiana has to beat Illinois (6-11) for the second time and then even their record against Rutgers (7-11) to regain any committee respect. This year’s BIG Tournament is contested in Chicago, and they’ll have one more chance to beat a bottom division team before perhaps facing Purdue (a much desired opportunity) or revenge-minded foes Wisconsin and Michigan State. It’s been a tough season and it certainly doesn’t get any easier. March Madness has finally begun after months of angry disappointment, offset by only two “Cheeseburger” treats.

Retirement is not without Hassles: Wedding Plans #858

March 2, 2019 / mikeljohnston1 / 0 Comments

It’s my wife’s weekend but just another day of retirement for me. We’ll start out her Saturday with the dogs and exercise with them on our “Schnauzerthon.” Tinker, our oldest schnauzer, just turned 15 and is limping badly. Her 105-year old little legs deserve a carriage ride. This is why we bought the Air Buggy that we push her in while sister Tally scampers ahead. The “Schnauzerthon” combines my morning run with a long walk for my wife. We take turns pushing the stroller and trying to contain Tally on her leash. It takes about an hour and is part of my working wife’s weekend routine. There are Marathons and Triathlons, but every great endurance athlete should try a “Schnauzerthon.”

My wife is taking her oldest daughter shopping later this afternoon for a wedding dress. She and I are also going to a birthday party luncheon for a 70-year old friend – at least he won’t be keeping us up late. Both of these life events were once hard to imagine – 70 year old friends and married children. We must be growing old. I’m only a little over my two years from my 70th “blowout.” Weddings are about as positive as it gets any more, since at this age it’s mostly funerals.

The birthday event today was at McMenamin’s Edgefield, a venue that we had always wanted to check out. It’s the historic site of a former “Poor Farm,” as well as a vineyard, golf course, spa, and popular summer concert hot spot. I read a custom poem as part of the traditional “old man” birthday roast that highlighted the drawn-out ceremonies. It made fun of the proper pronunciation of the birthday boy’s name – silent “k” and “i before e.” As a fellow Cubs fan, I buy some of my baseball cards from him, so it’s not been a long-standing relationship. I got a few scattered laughs for my efforts:

KNEIS not Niece

Seventy-year old friends,
Are rare for me.
I like to hang around
With younger folks, see?

Parties are for kids,
Not those turning gray.
But now that I’m here.
Happy Birthday anyway.

Turn up your hearing aids,
And lean on your canes.
Enjoy some cake
Forget about your pains.

You went over the hill,
Twenty years ago.
Social Security is now,
Your main source of dough

This makes you desperate,
To sell us KNEIS cards.
To protect our life savings,
Needing more than shin-guards.

Ernie couldn’t make it,
Or any top draft picks.
Sherm would be here,
But he died at fifty-six.

Bryzzo was busy,
Joe Maddux sends regrets.
Wrigley Field Management,
Warns of optimistic bets.

Nice-ler or Niece-ler?
It’s pronounced how?
As long as you’re buying,
Either version you’ll allow.

This has been an issue,
All of your KNEIS life.
Then you shared this problem,
With your daughters and wife.

For the “Mr. Cub” title,
You’re next in line.
They’ll win it again,
In year 2109.

Crib to Classroom,
Office to Booth.
Your career has focused,
On educating our youth.

You’re a kid again,
Every baseball season.
Being close to the game,
Gives all if us “reason.”

Buying and selling,
Making a trade.
Just like in teaching,
Comes down to a grade.

You get us together,
To share what we love.
We bring our leather wallet,
Instead of a glove.

Thanks for the invite,
And not keeping us up late.
Now take out your dentures,
And Step up to your Plate.

His last name is memorable because it is pronounced the same as one of my college fraternity brothers, who eventually stole and married my girl friend. He probably did both her and me a favor, so I held only a short grudge. It was great to get out of the house on a beautiful, sunny afternoon and see some of the Portland area peaks that have been recently hidden by rain clouds. From a couple wearing bath robes to those holding golf clubs, we got the full perspective of the property. My wife will spend the rest of the day with her daughter talking wedding plans. I’m glad they’re getting together because it keeps me from going to a local production of the musical Jesus Christ Superstar. I’m free to join a friend for fried chicken and beer tonight. Cheers to both the bride and my birthday buddy!

Creature Features: Petnotism #854

February 27, 2019 / mikeljohnston1 / 0 Comments

Have you ever noticed your pets staring at you, trying desperately to force their will on you? They look you in the eyes and put you in a trance, repeating thoughts of “feed me now, feed me more, or feed me again.” Don’t look at them or you might find yourself catering to their silent pleas or worse yet turning to stone. Like legends of Medussa in Greek Mythology, dogs and cats have special powers to make you weak when it comes to their care and feeding. I call it “Petnotism,” a form of hypnotism that every pet lover needs to protect themselves from at all costs.

My wife came home from the store the other day, thinking that she had bought turkey slices to supplement our pet’s diets. We have a household tradition that we follow called “ham time,” where we give them a “meat treat” each morning and again as a bedtime snack. It supposedly adds protein, as once recommended by a Vet. At one time, we did actually use ham but years ago we switched to healthier turkey. For some “odd” reason, she bought home ham slices the other day. The reason? Petnotism.

I caught them staring at her this morning, but quickly averted my eyes as a precaution. They were trying to encourage extra servings, and surrounded her in the kitchen like a pack of hungry wolves. With two dogs and a cat simultaneously giving her “the look,” it was difficult not to fill their bowls more or add another treat to the feeding routing. They know she is going off to work and begin to project guilty feelings of being left alone all day with “nothing but dad” to take care of them. Tally gets an extra serving of egg, while Tinker, who’s allergic, fixes her needy eyes on my unsuspecting wife. It’s pathetic to watch them “work” her, and then Frankie our cat will “play” her for some chicken gravy. None of this is good for them, but it makes their humans feel generous and caring. It’s all in the eyes! Petnotism.

Tinker is our oldest schnauzer, who is perpetually hungry. It probably didn’t help that her lab tests from earlier this week showed signs of a parasite, plus she takes steroids. I know she’s just trying to make me feel sorry for her. It’s her 15th birthday this week and she has an unavoidable Medusa-like stare. Even Tally, her younger schnauzer-sister, has developed some of her “Sirenesque” skills, utilizing silent songs (or yelps) of seduction. They all coerced us into sharing our lobster the other night, a very expensive pet treat. How could we resist their stares, lined-up next to each other by the kitchen table? Dog. Dog. Cat. All standing at attention! Six pleading eyes and three twitching noses. Petnotism.

Tinker found the Diet Coke can I used to roast “beer can” chicken the other night. Much like a cartoon character she “floated” towards the leftover scent. It was in the bag of recyclables out in the garage that normally does not draw her attention. Her “Hungry Eyes” had earned her a fill of the real stuff this week, as well. Both Frankie and Tally shared in this dining conquest, but Tinker got the most, stealing from her furry sisters. When we serve their Cesar meals each night, Tinker gobbles hers down and then starts on Tally’s. This is why Tinker gained weight on the Vet scales, while Tally lost a pound. Frankie, on the other hand, has been suffering with a urinary tract infection that has caused her to be little more than a skeleton covered in fluffy white hair. Her Frank Sinatra-like blue eyes are particularly influential in getting her way. They all are spoiled rotten. Petnotism.

It’s been a tough month for all our needful creatures. Despite the joy of celebrating birthdays of 18, 15, and 9 years respectively, they’re also becoming a costly group of critters. We’ve had shots, pills, sitters, special diet needs, and accessories that have added up to nearly $2,000. Pet. Vet. Debt. In the process, they’ve each expressed their concerns through the look in their eyes and a projected aura of frailty and starvation. They’ve of course “worked” this into extra treats, longer walks, rides in the car, and more attention. Tinker aggressively barks out the need to be lifted on the couch or the bed. I’m constantly busy applying eye drops, shooting medication into their mouths with a syringe, and forcing pills down their throats with the help of cheese to disguise any distaste. It’s medication every morning, noon, and night with no end in sight. This naturally subjects me to their dangerous eyes and unavoidable “Petnotism.”

They’re calling me right now!

Retirement is not without Hassles: Bucket of Money #849

February 22, 2019 / mikeljohnston1 / 0 Comments

Another near shut-out on the 1000 Places to See Before You Die calendar this week. Guanajuato, Mexico; Mount Kilamanjaro; South Wales, Australia; India; Jordan; and the Mekong River are all destinations I’ve yet to visit. I did once dip my toe in China with a day trip from Hong Kong, and I will probably fly over the Mekong River in a few weeks on our trip to Thailand. All I can think of is the Mekong Delta in Vietnam, a place I will probably never see as Bucket List destination. I only remember it as a place to avoid in the late 60’s and early 70’s. I could have probably gotten a trip there courtesy of Uncle Sam.

The calendar was a gift, and I use it to measure my travel experiences as it sits on my desk. So far this year, I’m only batting about .300, so hopefully I won’t be dying soon. The dates next week reflect Spain, Brazil, Switzerland, United Arab Emerates, and Wales to further lower my visitation average. Many of these places I’ve never really dreamed of visiting, let alone added them to my bucket list. Hopefully, I can play catch-up in coming weeks. Plus, I’m going to need a bigger “Bucket Of Money” – mine “Pails” in comparison.

I’m preparing for today’s Leadership Meeting and a baseball card show tomorrow. Our 18-year old cat Frankie has a urinary tract infection, so I’ve also been doing some carpet cleaning. She’s only eating the chicken broth that I place next to her food, and does not like the medication that I squirt in her mouth and further resists the eye drops. I’ve got to be careful of those claws and sharp teeth!

Tomorrow night is the American Heart Association Annual Ball that will involve donations and the need to put on a tux for the first time this year. With my wife on the board, there’s no escaping this one! Also, they only serve fish for dinner – no red meat for some reason. It does eliminate any opportunity for a movie this week, but we continue to watch The Americans on Netflix.

I’m glad I didn’t extend my stay in Arizona for MLB Spring Training. Opening Day was postponed due to snow. I now feel bad for complaining about the Desert Rains while we were there last week (See Post #842). I guess even Las Vegas got flurries, so the desert is no longer a safe “bet” from winter-like conditions. It just started snowing here in Portland, but I am watching the Mariners and Athletics, who managed to get their first Cactus League game in today. The Phillies beat the Rays earlier in Port Charlotte, Florida to kick-off the Grapefruit League. By contrast, it’s 79 degrees there. Play Ball!