Have you ever noticed your pets staring at you, trying desperately to force their will on you? They look you in the eyes and put you in a trance, repeating thoughts of “feed me now, feed me more, or feed me again.” Don’t look at them or you might find yourself catering to their silent pleas or worse yet turning to stone. Like legends of Medussa in Greek Mythology, dogs and cats have special powers to make you weak when it comes to their care and feeding. I call it “Petnotism,” a form of hypnotism that every pet lover needs to protect themselves from at all costs.

My wife came home from the store the other day, thinking that she had bought turkey slices to supplement our pet’s diets. We have a household tradition that we follow called “ham time,” where we give them a “meat treat” each morning and again as a bedtime snack. It supposedly adds protein, as once recommended by a Vet. At one time, we did actually use ham but years ago we switched to healthier turkey. For some “odd” reason, she bought home ham slices the other day. The reason? Petnotism.

I caught them staring at her this morning, but quickly averted my eyes as a precaution. They were trying to encourage extra servings, and surrounded her in the kitchen like a pack of hungry wolves. With two dogs and a cat simultaneously giving her “the look,” it was difficult not to fill their bowls more or add another treat to the feeding routing. They know she is going off to work and begin to project guilty feelings of being left alone all day with “nothing but dad” to take care of them. Tally gets an extra serving of egg, while Tinker, who’s allergic, fixes her needy eyes on my unsuspecting wife. It’s pathetic to watch them “work” her, and then Frankie our cat will “play” her for some chicken gravy. None of this is good for them, but it makes their humans feel generous and caring. It’s all in the eyes! Petnotism.

Tinker is our oldest schnauzer, who is perpetually hungry. It probably didn’t help that her lab tests from earlier this week showed signs of a parasite, plus she takes steroids. I know she’s just trying to make me feel sorry for her. It’s her 15th birthday this week and she has an unavoidable Medusa-like stare. Even Tally, her younger schnauzer-sister, has developed some of her “Sirenesque” skills, utilizing silent songs (or yelps) of seduction. They all coerced us into sharing our lobster the other night, a very expensive pet treat. How could we resist their stares, lined-up next to each other by the kitchen table? Dog. Dog. Cat. All standing at attention! Six pleading eyes and three twitching noses. Petnotism.

Tinker found the Diet Coke can I used to roast “beer can” chicken the other night. Much like a cartoon character she “floated” towards the leftover scent. It was in the bag of recyclables out in the garage that normally does not draw her attention. Her “Hungry Eyes” had earned her a fill of the real stuff this week, as well. Both Frankie and Tally shared in this dining conquest, but Tinker got the most, stealing from her furry sisters. When we serve their Cesar meals each night, Tinker gobbles hers down and then starts on Tally’s. This is why Tinker gained weight on the Vet scales, while Tally lost a pound. Frankie, on the other hand, has been suffering with a urinary tract infection that has caused her to be little more than a skeleton covered in fluffy white hair. Her Frank Sinatra-like blue eyes are particularly influential in getting her way. They all are spoiled rotten. Petnotism.

It’s been a tough month for all our needful creatures. Despite the joy of celebrating birthdays of 18, 15, and 9 years respectively, they’re also becoming a costly group of critters. We’ve had shots, pills, sitters, special diet needs, and accessories that have added up to nearly $2,000. Pet. Vet. Debt. In the process, they’ve each expressed their concerns through the look in their eyes and a projected aura of frailty and starvation. They’ve of course “worked” this into extra treats, longer walks, rides in the car, and more attention. Tinker aggressively barks out the need to be lifted on the couch or the bed. I’m constantly busy applying eye drops, shooting medication into their mouths with a syringe, and forcing pills down their throats with the help of cheese to disguise any distaste. It’s medication every morning, noon, and night with no end in sight. This naturally subjects me to their dangerous eyes and unavoidable “Petnotism.”

They’re calling me right now!