Category: DIARY OF AN ADOPTEE (Page 12 of 18)

DNA analysis, also called genetic fingerprinting, is a fascinating science that is routinely being updated. Deoxyribonucleic acid, a self-replicating material present in nearly all living organisms is the main constituent of chromosomes. It is the carrier of genetic information. If you watch a TV show like CSI, you see it used to help solve criminal investigations or determine maternity & paternity. Companies like 23andMe and Ancestry offer similar saliva tests for about $75 or less that determine ethnicity and other individual profile characteristics. Once this sample is analyzed, they can then match you up with other individuals who share similar traits (DNA Relatives). It was this kind of testing that has ultimately led me to finding five half-siblings, and perhaps solving the question of Hoosier Daddy? 

Over the past week, I’ve been admittedly obsessed with watching Game of Thrones (GOT). As is typical for me with most good series, I’m driven towards getting to the end. I’ve written about it in my blogs, shared thoughts with my son as well as other friends, and spent a lot of time viewing episode after episode. I did stop to watch the I.U. football game, but that turned out to be another disappointment, and paused a few times to catch up on the World Series. It will probably be good to get through GOT and GET on with my life.

After my wife and I completed our run/walk with the pups this morning, I did briefly switch from “Lannister World,” referencing one of the main family of characters in GOT, to “Bannister World,” my personal quest for information on my birth. My closest Bannister (as sometimes spelled) or Banister DNA match may very well be a half-sister. As to be expected, she was very surprised at my existence, but does not deny the possibility that her father might have had a premarital relationship with my birth mother, his distant cousin, and also a Banister. He would have then gone into the Marines, most likely unaware of the pregnancy, and married another woman with five children together. His son died at an early age, but his five living daughters would each be my half-sister. I have been in regular communication with Julianna, a DNA relative who shares 1,719 cMs (centimorgans). Wikipedia explains that centimorgans are units for measuring genetic linkage. It is defined as the distance between chromosome positions (also termed loci or markers) for which the expected average number of intervening chromosomal crossovers in a single generation is 0.01.  Ancestry.com provided this chart, comparing levels of shared DNA in centimorgans to possible genealogical relationship: 

This chart confirms my growing suspicions about Julianna and her sisters. It points to their father being my father, and may very well end my exhaustive quest to identify him, at least scientifically. Unfortunately, he is no longer living, but I may get a chance to meet the rest of his family over the holidays when I return to Indiana. This is very exciting news to me.

I have two distinct pockets of DNA relative matches on my Jerry Banister Family Tree through Ancestry.com. This is indicative of the two sides of the Banister family that I believe came together over the Thanksgiving holiday nearly 68 years ago. I was the result of that fateful union that led to my adoption. It may have been a one-night-stand or a short-lived affair, but my 85-year old birth mother Edna Faye refuses to acknowledge that it ever happened. She’s missing out on one of most successful events in her life, if I do say so myself!

In other “Banister World” news, a new DNA relative surfaced on the father’s side of the family. Her name is Sue Ramsey. I sent her a note through Ancestry, hoping to confirm that she is 2nd cousin Debora Sue White Ramsey (654 cMs), born in 1961. The Ramsey’s are joined to the Pershing’s through marriage, with the union of Burke and Nellie Louise Banister Tapley. I have other DNA relatives in this mix including 2nd cousins Ada Ann Pershing (316 cMs) and Telessa Hadley (477 cMs), both of whom I communicate with regularly. Other seconds in order of centimorgan levels include Jessy Bramley (315), Terry Bannister (262) with the double “n” that shows up occasionally on my tree, Jenny Bramley (248), Donna Pearcy (218), Krista Hale (207), and Ryan Donohoo (202). They are all identified on my tree with green “DNA” labels as their profile pictures. My half-sister Julianna also has a son named Gabe (894 cMs) who would be my step-nephew, should all this data be accurate. In addition, on the mother’s side, Ancestry lists a second cousin, Cathy Crews. All of my other matches on the mother’s side are through 23andMe that is not currently using centimorgans as a basis of comparison.

23andMe was the first DNA test I took at the suggestion of my boss several years ago. I’m forever grateful I took her recommendation and invested the small fee in a saliva kit. It lists my second cousins as Marilyn Banister (5.56% shared DNA) and Janine Marthai (5.37%). Deb Banister Vaughn (2.85%), Phillip Legg (2.46%), and Brandon Willard (2.16%) are categorized as second to third cousins. I’ve identified all of them on the Jerry Banister Tree with the exception of Phillip. Deb is the only one I’ve had the pleasure of meeting in person over tenderloin sandwiches in Indianapolis, although I have met Janine’s mother who was born a Banister.

As you can see, “Banister World” is slowly coming together. At the same time, I’m already in the 6th season of GOT’s “Lannister World,” a fictional Royal family that has a few similar skeletons in their closet. With Halloween right around the corner, I’ve rattled a few more Banister bones through the scientific magic of DNA. Trick or Treat. I also feel closer than ever to solving my very own CSI mystery through the use of centimorgans. Until this new development in DNA research, the only other Morgan I was familiar with was Captain Morgan. “To Life, Love, and Loot!“

I spent the morning vacuuming and dusting between episodes of Game of Thrones. It makes me feel more manly to watch men fighting in armor while emulating their skilled swordsmanship with broad sweeps and stabs of my Swifter Duster. Yesterday afternoon, I viewed the movie Skyscraper with Dwayne Johnson “The Rock” bravely battling to save his family from certain death. Last night, before falling asleep I read about the hunt to find Adolf Eichmann, Nazi SS-Obersturmbannfuhrer (senior assault unit leader), who escaped to South America with his fellow German mass-murderers. Without leaving the comfort of my home, I’m surrounded by such violence on TV and in books. It was time for a change of pace.

I turned to the movie, Three Identical Strangers, for a more heart-warming subject – adoption. My wife’s daughter insisted that we watch it, with only a small clue about its content. I don’t want to ruin it for anyone else, but find the need to discuss it, so STOP here if you don’t want the plot spoiled SPOILED. From the title and her tease, I strongly suspected that it was about triplets and their search to find their birth parents. What I didn’t know is that they were separated at birth.

As an adoptee, I’ve often fantasized about having brothers and sisters, even a twin. However, I had no reason to question the document I received from the adoption agency years ago, outlining some generic details about the birth mother and her family. (See Post #104). It even gave a few vague details about the father, but this was only as reliable as the source. I’ve often questioned whether this was the truth or perhaps a clever deception to perhaps protect his identity? The profile document listed no indication of a twin, and I never questioned any of the “facts” that it provided. It gave me the knowledge that the 18-year old woman who gave birth to me had seven brothers and sisters, including male twins and it listed their differences in ages. A 1939 Indiana census report showed a Banister household in Shelbyville matching all these details, as well as parallel occupational information. It was very obvious that this was my birth mother and her family, but I’m now waiting for absolute proof from the state, as they have recently released sealed adoption records.

In the movie, one twin discovers the other and the publicity of their reunion uncovers the third. They became quickly reattached to each other, but discover they were part of an experiment – like lab rats. It was a shocking plot between a renowned psychiatrist and the adoption agency to separate the siblings and study their development apart from each other. They were not the only victims of this conspiracy and denied time together for the first nineteen years of their lives. It’s hard to believe the lack of compassion in these hellish “scientific” arrangements.

These boys did find their birth mother, but no mention of the father, except that he was her prom date. I’m convinced that my conception was a similar one-night stand, leaving a teenage girl pregnant and scared. I’m sure she had little choice in the adoption decision. I haven’t had a chance to meet my birth mother, as they did, because she apparently does not remember giving birth to me. Others have ask and her response is “don’t you think I’d remember something like that?” I guess she doesn’t, or the adoption agency gave me a fake family profile? 

I received a note today from Lisa Hebert, one of my adoption search angels.  These are individuals that volunteer their time to help adoptees, like me, connect with their biological families. Lisa initially made contact with me back in 2008 with a lead on the identity of my birth mother. At that time, 57 years after my adoption, all paperwork was still sealed from public consumption by the State of Indiana in an effort to continue to protect the identity of the anonymous bio-parents. Long before that time, I had a media friend who was able to illegally circumvent the system and provide me the name of Edna Faye Banister and an Indianapolis address. I had been sitting on this information for over twenty years before I even thought of making contact. Here it is now, ten years later, and my quest continues. According to Lisa’s note: starting July 1^st, 2018, Adoptee’s born in Indiana will now be able to order their original, pre-adoption birth certificate and records. This is great news because it will have your birth mothers name, ages, state of birth, mailing address and sometimes birth father information.”

Angel Lisa sent me directions on how to file my claim, and I did as instructed by both snail mail and e-mail. In six weeks I will supposedly have legal paperwork, providing the details of my adoption. It’s a step that will only confirm what I already know. Unfortunately, the birth mother is still denying any relationship to me and may go to her deathbed with any confirmation of the father. It’s an awkward situation, as I try to gain closure on the circumstances of my birth. I deserve to know this information, and the State of Indiana has now made it possible for others like me to gain some insight into their lives. Honestly, at this point, I don’t expect anything else from the now 85-year old birth mother except the name of my father. I suspect that he has passed. She has no other obligation to me, if that is her wish.

I’m still at a dead-end on this search, although I have had the pleasure of connecting with several Banister family members who are DNA relatives. It’s given me a sense that life would have been good regardless of the many forks in the road that circumstances could have taken me. I sent a reminder note to another Banister descendant that lives here in Portland about getting together for lunch. Although he will not be able to provide me with the answers I seek, he will provide some more background on the expansive Banister family and it’s Hoosier heritage. It will keep me engaged in this on-going search. 

My day started in the rainy, Indiana darkness, reminiscent of Portland in the winter months. It had been thundering and lightening all night, so I was lucky avoid any storms during my run. We’re staying at the home of my wife’s sister, our base to run medical errands for my 97-year old mother-in-law. I will have lunch with an old friend today, before heading back to Chicago’s O’Hare for an early flight back to Portland tomorrow morning.

This trip back to my home state was primarily centered around relatives. My wife spends time with her family, including 5-month old Cole, her niece’s baby. I got to meet a couple of Banister relatives for dinner. It was a get-acquainted gathering over breaded tenderloins, a Hoosier staple. I immediately knew we were related when Deb ordered hers without onions, like me. Before that, all we had in common was DNA. Her uncle John, who only married a Banister, liked his with onions. I particularly liked Deb’s story about one of my birth mother’s brothers who worked as a railroad crossing guard. As kids, they would visit him in his little house by the tracks. It was a “cool” job from their perspective, but probably very boring without a smart phone to keep you entertained.

I shared some of my adoption documents with my new-found relatives, hoping to gain some credibility with our sudden association. The DNA match definitely indicates some sort of a close family connection, but without an admission on my bio mom’s part, there still is no proof. I confessed to a lot of “stalking” of Banister family members, trying to identify my place in the family, but really all I have is a massive family tree of suspects.

It felt good to actually talk with Banisters, rather than simply explore the lives of these people I’ve never met in what my wife often refers to as Banister World. They even prayed for me to find the answers I need for closure. They are the second and third family members I’ve met outside of the adopted group that I embraced growing up. I had met the first in Chicago a couple of months ago. The ironic thing is that I’ve spent more time with Banisters over the past three months than I have with the familiar Johnston clan. Deb has been very helpful making suggestions on who I should get to know, while John might eventually include me in some family reunions that he helps plan. It was a memorable meeting, and the tenderloin was outstanding.

While I was dabbling in Banister World, I also was in contact with two another skeletons-in-the-family-closet, searching for adoption answers. Both of these lost souls believe they are connected to me through the unconfirmed birth father. In Terry’s case, his path goes through Derek Bannister, son of Robert M. Bannister and Jean Hogan Spinks Bannister. By the way, there are many double “n” spellings, like these, on this hemisphere of Banister or Bannister World. Krista, the other adoptee, believes her roots are with Mary Ellen Banister, daughter of Dale. We will continue to help each other navigate the turbulent seas of our New World.