I’ve spent the past few days organizing some poems and posts into a notebook for eventual publication. This will be my second attempt in life to write a book. I also hope to add some illustrations to accompany some of the humorous poems and stories that I have written these past few years. The title will be “I Said, Sit.” and it will be about our dog Tinker. I wrote this poem today to set the stage:

I Said, “Sit.”

She’s not a horse,
Just a little dog.
She eats like a pig,
And “goes” like a hog.
.
She finished her food,
And half of yours, too.
And now you know,
What she needs to do.
.
You take her outside,
She looks for a spot.
This may be it?
Or no, maybe not?
.
She circles and sniffs,
Scratches then stops.
Hoping it’s where,
The poop finally drops.
.
But something’s awry,
And she moves on.
Because up ahead,
Is a much greener lawn.
.
This might be it,
More time goes by.
It’s not even raining,
The ground is dry.
.
Now ready to squat,
The moment is near.
Move out of the way,
Time to stand clear.
.
Will the deposit she makes,
Form a big pile?
Or will we continue,
Waiting a while?

.

She finally goes here,
And AGAIN over there.
That’s just not possible,
We soon declare.
.
How can so much,
Come out of one dog?
That’s not a poop,
That’s the whole log.
.
What goes in,
Must come out.
In her case you can’t,
Turn off the spout.
.
Number two with her,
Always comes first.
Then the other pipe,
Is ready to burst.
.
I see a leak.
You got a pail?
Two holes hide,
Under that tail.
.
We call her “Tinker,”
The bottomless pit.
Maybe she misunderstood,
When I said, “sit.”
.
She’s “The Pooping-est,
Dog on the Planet.”
The title may stink,
But Tink’s full of it.

.

Copyright 2017 johnstonwrites.com

 

I Said, “Sit.”

I hope you’re not offended with toilet humor when it comes to dogs, because it’s one of Tinker’s endearing habits, as a result of her voracious appetite. I originally wanted to title the book, Tinker’s Tail, because of what frequently comes out from underneath her plume-like appendage. It reminds me of a Swifter Duster, ready to go to work on the furniture. Fortunately, unlike many dogs of the Schnauzer breed, her tail was not clipped and turns out to be one of her most distinctive features, along with her bearded snout. Schnauzer is the German word for “snout” and translates colloquially to “mustache” from what I have read. The name Tinker came from Walt Disney, since her furry older sister at the time of her adoption into our family was named Belle. At the time of this writing, Tinker is approaching 100 dog years, and this will commemorate her life as the “Pooping-est Pup on the Planet.” I also want to recognize our other Schnauzer pup, Tally, who when teamed up with Tinker, makes an explosive combination of T-N-T. These two have been together as part of our family for 7 years. I hope you enjoy this collection of humorous poems and stories about the dogs that have made our lives special.