I got a supportive note from a Banister cousin today who follows this blog. Her sentiment was expressed in these words: “sure sounds like you are figuring out who you are…you come from a big family.” The e-mail came at a time when I when still assessing the impact of yesterday’s discovery. She understands the frustration I feel as a result of the denial of acceptance by my birth mother. A few months ago, I thought that this was the end of ever determining who the father was? However, recent DNA findings have perhaps provided the answers without her cooperation.

It’s mind-boggling when I think of all the circumstances that have led to this discovery over the last 30 years:

  • The name Edna Faye Banister and an address was discretely passed along to me from of a friend who had illegal access to sealed Indiana adoption records.
  • The realization that the address provided was the adoption home where I spent the first few months of my life. Coincidentally, it was directly across the street from my Indianapolis office, where I had a daily view of the parking lot where it once sat. Like a homing pigeon, I had traveled from job-to-job over hundreds of miles to ultimately return to the neighborhood.
  • A visit to a nearby hospital to request a copy of my birth certificate.
  • The 23andMe DNA test that my boss suggested that I take.
  • A note from a DNA match and his efforts to secure copies of my bio mom’s birth certificate and a 1940 census report. This enabled me to find her whereabouts and compare the ages of her seven siblings to generic information provided by the adoption agency. The actual records were until recently sealed by law. 
  • Certified letters to the birth mother’s address and to her son with no response.
  • Feedback from other Banister family members that indicated denial on her part. 
  • The decision to take a second DNA test through Ancestry.com.
  • A record of Ancestry “DNA Relative” matches to a mother and son who topped the list, followed by notes and phone calls.
  • The decision of this woman to coincidentally take a DNA test for some still unexplained reason. Destiny? 
  • A conversation with this woman and discussion of her father’s military records that led to suspicion of his involvement with Edna Faye Banister, and the realization that they were distant cousins. Plus, photos that showed a strong resemblance.
  • A recent change in Ancestry DNA comparison utilizing centimorgan (cMs) measurement. (See Post #719)
  • A comparison chart that shows our shared DNA to be high enough for a half-sibling connection.
  • The discovery of four other sisters and the decision to get together for a meeting (coming soon). 

It’s starting to sink-in that I have seven living half-siblings and three half-brothers that are deceased. My birth mother’s son is named Jerry Lee, the same name his mother gave me at birth. Her daughter is named Janet, the same as one of my half-sisters. I speculate that two distant cousins had an affair, and then each married another, bringing a total of 11 children into the world. I was the only one that was put-up for adoption, but I guess now we could be considered a “BIG family,” although I’ve never met any of them. Her second Jerry Lee hasn’t accepted that a first Jerry Lee (me) exists. He’s lost all his brothers tragically but me, but does not believe that I am related. His half-sister Janet is also not aware of Janet 2, but I can imagine the introduction I might make. Like the three brothers named Darryl comedy routine from the early 80’s TV Bob Newhart Show, “Half-sister Janet meet my other half-sister Janet.” I have yet to make an effort to contact her.

I keep hoping that Edna Faye will confess to the “indiscretion” that gave me life. I certainly don’t see it that way! I’m nothing but grateful, and would like an opportunity to show her “the good” that she delivered. I know it’s a part of her life that she’d like to forget, including the humiliation of having to leave high school and home to give birth to me. Maybe she was in love with my father, but he left for the Marines and marriage to another? Maybe it was an accident, and she was embarrassed to be seduced by a cousin? My birth father’s high school photo listed him to be a “Heart-breaker,” so perhaps I am nothing but a reminder of unrequited love? It’s been 67-years and she’s now 85, so it’s possible that she will soon take this secret to the grave. At least, DNA has pointed to possibilities that she is reluctant to admit, even after all these years.

As my Ancestry cousin has graciously responded, I do have a big family, when at one time I thought I was an only child, except for my sister. This indicates how selfish and spoiled I was growing up. I can’t imagine sharing with 11 siblings. Adoption made me special, and I was fortunate to have grown up in a loving, giving environment. I got everything I could possibly want, but after all these years apparently I want more. I want to know the circumstances of my birth and any physical characteristics that I share with others. I know longer have the parents who raised me, so I’ve searched for other family connections. DNA has gotten me close, and the next few months will determine my destiny that has evolved from inquiries over the last 30 years, and family ties that I was never aware existed.