As an adoptee, I’m always a little envious on “National Siblings Day.” I see all these wonderful pictures of happy families bearing strong resemblance on Facebook. First of all, I’m not at all unhappy being an adopted child because of the wonderful family that raised me. I also have an adopted sister who is four years younger. I don’t see her that often, but I do call every Monday to let her know I’m thinking of her. It does not take a special day, but it is a special relationship – having a brother or sister. However, I can’t help but think “What If?” What if I had siblings and parents that I actually looked like? Would that make a difference?

I don’t look at all like my sister, but they often say that people who live together can begin to take on certain physical and behavioral similarities. There are also a number of natural siblings out there that wonder just how they could possibly be related. I didn’t always think of these things while I was growing up with my sister. In fact, it was kind of a family joke when someone would say I resembled my sister, mom, or dad. My folks were small in stature while I was much taller. I also had curly, dark hair compared to my sister’s lighter red tint. She had blue eyes and mine were brown. She was fond of playing outside while I preferred air conditioning once it became commonplace. Not all of these factors are obviously dictated by genetics.

About two years ago I discovered that my birth mother had four other children. Six months ago I met my birth father’s family that is comprised of five sisters and a brother. Biologically, I have ten half-siblings, although three of them have unfortunately passed. Apparently, there is a strong resemblance in the eyes with the children on my birth father’s side. This we determined face-to-face, so it was the first time that I actually saw myself in others. It was this very bond that I feel that I missed in being part of an adopted family. However, nothing can make up for the bond that forms when people live together or at least know each other for years. This is something that I will never probably have with my newly found half-siblings. After all, I’ve yet to even meet three of them.

What If we had all been together as a family? It was formed through three different fathers and two different mothers, so it could only exist as a commune. If my birth parents had stayed together after my birth, none of these other half siblings would exist, replaced perhaps by other children that could join me in celebrating National Siblings Day. In order for this to have happened, I would have had to give up the wonderful adopted family that raised and loved me. What if?