I was a regular reader of Mad Magazine growing up. I enjoyed the witty humor and have tried to make that part of my style. Alfred E. Neuman was the carefree cover boy, a mischievous, goofy-looking, freckle-faced caricature who’s motto always was, “What, Me Worry?” I wish I could be like Alfred, but unfortunately like most human beings I worry all the time. In an article yesterday on Today.com it pointed out that the average person spends almost 80% of the time focused on regret about the past or anxiety about the future.

I have admitted to being a pessimist (See Post #113). For me, it’s all about “What could possibly go wrong?” and worry is a big part of that equation. I always figured that if I approached life looking at all the different scenarios for both success and failure, that I could handle any situation. It’s a very dark side of me as I begin to calculate and prepare for possible doom with anything I do. I watch sports with reduced expectations and sleep with one eye open. My mindset can be very exhausting, and often frustrates those around me. I try my best to make it seem like nothing bothers me, but there is much internal turmoil. Here’s what I’m worried about today (in no particular order of importance):

  • Getting fat 
  • Getting old
  • Age spots
  • Cancer
  • Will I find the answers to my adoption questions?
  • Memory loss (will I forget about what I’m worried about?)
  • Flabby muscles
  • Ruining the chicken on the grill tonight
  • Is there a restroom nearby?
  • Traffic
  • The weather 
  • Paying off credit cards
  • Dental problems
  • Packing for Hawaii
  • Twisting an ankle
  • An auto accident
  • Getting sick
  • Running out of money
  • My wife’s job (since I now don’t have one of my own)
  • Will I snore tonight?
  • My son and his family
  • World War
  • A new grand daughter in a few weeks
  • My wife’s family (now mine)
  • Car trouble
  • Writer’s block
  • Identity theft
  • The IRS
  • Losing my wallet
  • Losing my phone or computer
  • Dying
  • My sister and her kids
  • Pet health and related expenses
  • Inflation
  • The water heater breaking down again
  • The stock market
  • World problems
  • Love and friendship
  • Travel problems
  • Money in general
  • Drinking too much Diet Coke
  • Eating too fast
  • Running too slow
  • Alcohol consumption
  • Will I wake up?
  • Getting my wife angry
  • An earthquake
  • My sports teams
  • A house fire
  • Kidney Stones 
  • What to put next on the worry list?
  • Having nothing to worry about

I suppose I could go on listing things, as my mind continues to search for regrets and worries. I could have made an equally long list of job-related concerns, but in retirement I have now replaced all those with other silly thoughts. I certainly don’t worry any less than I did in the middle of my career, as negative thoughts continue to bombard my brain. I’ll never be able to turn off that spigot of self-doubt, and I wouldn’t know how to deal with that void. Fear of failure has been my greatest motivator in life, because if you worry and prepare, the worst never happens. “What, Me Worry?”