Category: CREATURE FEATURES (Page 24 of 38)

Lions and Tigers and Bears, Oh My! (Plus dogs and cats)

Creature Features: Dogfather #763

December 6, 2018 / mikeljohnston1 / 0 Comments

Mario Puzo wrote The Godfather in 1972 that became a popular string of mafia movies. I’m re-purposing this story under the pseudo name of “Pup”zo (Or “Pug”zo), as a tribute to my life as the dog sitter. As most are aware, GOD spelled backwards is DOG, man’s best friend. I’m trying to be a better “capo” to my dogs, but I’m still struggling to fulfill the role of “The Dogfather” that has uncharacteristically developed into an enjoyable part of my retirement. Honestly, being the owner of two schnauzers was not necessarily by choice, but rather the fact that I married a dog lover. Otherwise, I would have probably never taken on the responsibility. As it is, they are often my sole companions throughout the day until my wife gets home from work. I’m sure they would rather have her by their side all day, as evidenced by their enthusiasm when they hear her car pull in the garage every evening. In the meantime, they are stuck with me, “The Dogfather,” an offer they can’t refuse!

I begrudgingly take them out at least five times a day, but in most cases I’m tempted get them back inside as quickly as possible, often depriving them of the exercise they need. They’ve learned how to stall. Tinker probably appreciates these shorter outings because old age has made her stiff and sore like her master. Tally, on the other hand, cannot get enough walks every day and mopes sadly to her “good bed” as soon as we gets back. She moves only when she hears to the words, “go outside” and reacts with vigor. Tinker is always near me throughout the day and moves only when I do (particularly if I open the refrigerator), while Tally typically remains stoic and in a state of mild depression. I used to walk them occasionally down to the neighborhood Starbuck’s, but Tinker basically drags herself along while Tally leads the charge. As a result, it’s no longer part of “The Dogfather” daily routine.

On sunny days, I will let them out on the back patio and take them on longer excursions. Unfortunately, it’s often cold and rainy here in Portland and they both hate water. I feel guilty when I’m comfortably inside by choice while they must feel trapped. We don’t have a back yard that allows them to roam freely, and neither are trustworthy enough to let outside on their own. I’m also just “The Dogfather” not the “Dog Whisperer,” so I don’t have the communication skills of my wife. She doesn’t feel like I pay enough attention to them while she’s at the office and is often frustrated that they need so much attention when she’s trying to unwind after a tough day. I can’t possibly fill her shoes as “The Dogmother.” They like her better and compete for one-on-one time with her, regardless of what I do for them each day.

I’ve never been very nurturing, so “The Dogfather” is probably an accurate description of me. Don Vito Corleone was not exactly the epitome of goodness, although he took care of the “family.” I apply the eye drops, pick up the poop, shuttle them to Vet/spa appointments, and take them on car rides. Also, I frequently administer “ham time,” but simply don’t have the patience to put on their fancy little coats every time I take them outside, as my wife encourages. To me, they are dogs but to her they are cute, furry gods and she treats them better. I’m reminded of this poem:

Oh to be a dog

In the next life,
This is my wish.
Give me a bone,
And my own dish.

Then I can snore,
And scratch my butt.
I’d be no pure breed,
I’d return as a mutt.

I’d sleep all the time,
Chew on a boot.
Then lick myself,
And smile real cute.

Woman’s best friend,
At men I would growl.
And when I was hungry,
I would just howl.

My greatest desire,
If I did come back.
Should I be fortunate,
To get another crack.

Just to be sure,
I’d have the perfect life.
I’d want my master,
To be my current wife.

Retirement is not without Hassles: Disney #757

December 2, 2018 / mikeljohnston1 / 0 Comments

I’ve arrived at the California home of Mickey Mouse, while coincidentally my son is headed to the Orlando property. The ESPN Zone that I frequented on my last trip to this area is being remodeled to accommodate a Fox Sports restaurant, as a result of Disney’s latest media buy-out. The Disney ticket office did adjust my ticket purchase, but not to my satisfaction. With hundreds of people in line behind me, it was difficult to push my distaste any further. I settled for the upgrade when I should have stood firm on the bait-and-switch scheme. (See Post #756). It turned out to be $80 more with one fewer day, but the Marriott SpringHill Suites ended up saving me the excess by reducing my room rate (that I had originally booked on points but on the wrong night). In all, I made a grand total of $330 in errors booking this weekend. I checked-in early, made a quick pass through the Park to collect my tickets, and had a couple martinis at Ralph Brennan’s in Indiana. The bartender’s father was from Indiana but we were unable to establish specifics. The Pacers were on the TV against the Lakers in their Hickory uniforms to commemorate the movie classic Hoosiers. She did not know what a “Hoosier” was, so her Hoosier Daddy did not do a good job of educating her on Indiana culture. Believe it or not, there is such a thing!

My wife and I went back there for Bananas Foster later, reminiscing about our Thanksgiving in The Big Easy when we dined at the original Brennan’s where the flaming dessert was originally created. Our hotel is about a half-mile walk from the entrance to Disneyland and not as close as we would have liked. Unfortunately, we only got a half day’s value out of our overpriced pass, so we had to work fast. I flew into John Wayne Airport early that morning, grabbed a Disney shuttle, and stood in line to get my ticket problem resolved. I left our dogs alone at 4:45 a.m, drove to the airport in a light rain, and had my first Diet Coke of the day at PDX. Christmas music was dominant in the Park upon arrival, and I was predictably surrounded by screaming children. How dare they intrude on our weekend?

My wife finally arrived from two days of business meetings and it was time to explore the Park, a mere stroll compared to its Disney World sister in Orlando where my son’s family is celebrating a 10th anniversary. I used the app to download my first Fast Pass to scoot through Guardians of the Galaxy that was once the Tower of Terror. We also enjoyed Soaring that gave us a bird’s eye view of the world. The California Adventure section of the Park was easily doable in a short time, as we were soon exhausted and back in our hotel room “with visions of sugar plums.”

Day 2 we explored the massive Disneyland section exclusively from mid-morning to midnight, using the monorail to get easily in and out of the Park. Dinner was at Steakhouse 55 (formerly Granville’s that was founded in 1955) in the famous Disneyland Hotel, while corn dogs and chicken tenders served for a lower-budget lunch. Our dinner waiter told us that Chris Pratt (of Guardians fame) was hosting the candlelight processional. As one of my wife’s favorites, naturally we watched him do the festivities narration after our 24-layer chocolate cake dessert. My favorite rides included The Haunted Mansion (where Christmas and Halloween collide), The Matterhorn, Star Wars Tour, and Pirates of the Caribbean. We managed to skip anything resembling spinning teacups that might lead to Dizzy-land. The night ended with It’s A Small World – holiday style. After another good night’s sleep, we’ll spend some more shopping time in Downtown Disney before we leave town, but it’s been a comparably affordable weekend for me using miles and points instead of cash.

Diary of an Adoptee: Bastards Unite #745

November 21, 2018 / mikeljohnston1 / 0 Comments

It’s good to be a bastard, especially considering the abortion alternative! Maybe I’ve just spent to much time watching shows like Game of Thrones and Vikings where bloodlines determine royalty and children out-of-wedlock are looked upon with disdain? Masterworks like The Scarlett Letter by Nathanial Hawthorne explore themes of legalism, sin, judgement, and guilt. When I think of Hester Prynne’s scarlett “A”, I can’t help but feel sorry for the shame that my own birth mother must have experienced being pregnant with me. Undoubtedly, I’ve stirred up some angry feelings in trying to contact her.

I’ve found through the years that a sense of humor is the only sane way to deal with matters where others tend to be so judgmental. As a result, I’ve tried to focus on the positive side of bastardhood. After all, “bastard” seems like such a hard word and takes on such an ugly connotation. In fact, it’s derived from the Medieval Latin word “bastardus.” However, there is always a certain amount of intrigue, mystique, and romance behind any illegitimate relationship, dating back to even Adam & Eve. There can also be elements of cruelty and hypocrisy that lead to behind-the-back whispers. Much has changed in the 67 years since my birth, but the very thought of being sent out of town and hidden away to give birth makes me both sad & angry.

This is the way my life started out, in temporarily derailing the life of an 18-year old girl. It only makes sense that she might want to forget about it. I just want her to know that being a bastard has turned out to be a good thing for many of us. I did not obviously reach the notoriety of some of those in the club, but thanks to a young couple that couldn’t have children of their own, I became their baby – so thank you. They gave me every opportunity to succeed, but not quite to the level of these six lucky bastards:

Confucius (ca. 551-479 BCE)

“The early life of K’ung-Fu-tzu, better known in the West as Confucius, is largely a mystery. Born in the feudal kingdom of Lu, Confucius served as an adviser on political matters and court etiquette to several Chinese leaders during the mid-to- late 500s BCE. The circumstances of Confucius’s own birth, however, are hardly up to any Emily Post standards. According to the first complete biography of Confucius, the Shiji, his dad, a warlord named Shu Liang He, and his mom, a member of the Yan clan, “came roughly together,” indicating either a rape, concubinage, or some other sort of extramarital shenanigan. His low birth, however, didn’t stop him from attracting plenty of highborn followers, many of whom protected him when his outspoken manner offended his various employers.”

Leonardo da Vinci (1452 -1519)

“Everyone knows of Leonardo da Vinci, the well-rounded man who could be a painter, a naturalist, an engineer, a metallurgist, or a philosopher with equal ease. It’s considerably less well known that this personification of the Renaissance was actually the son of a notary, Ser Piero, and a peasant girl of somewhat “easy virtue.” In fact, the two simply took a tumble in the hay together before going their separate ways and providing Leonardo, from their marriages to other people, with 17 half brothers and sisters. Needless to say, these assorted half siblings were none too fond of their renowned relation, whose birth was something of an embarrassment, and on his father’s death in 1503 they conspired to deprive him of his share of the estate. Leonardo had the last laugh, however, when the death of an uncle led to a similar inheritance squabble, leaving him with sole custody of the uncle’s lands and property.”

Thomas Paine (1737-1809) and Alexander Hamilton (1755-1804)

“Two of the best-known fathers of the American republic, Thomas Paine and Alexander Hamilton, were the results of extramarital affairs. Paine, whose Common Sense helped bring widespread support to the American Revolution, and whose other writings, like the anti-Bible tract The Age of Reason, scandalized all and sundry, had to flee England a step ahead of treason charges. In the end, however, he died penniless in the United States. Hamilton, on the other hand, was the illegitimate son of West Indian colonials, and made a name for himself as a brilliant orator and writer. He eventually became one of the leaders of the American Federalist Party, but had the misfortune to be challenged to a duel by Aaron Burr. He also had the even greater misfortune of accepting, bringing his career to a dramatic close one fine New Jersey morning.”

Lawrence of Arabia (1888-1935)

“The illegitimate son of a knight and his children’s nanny, T. E. Lawrence became the model for generations of British diplomats blindly idolizing all things Arabian. One of the organizers of the much-touted (but in reality fought more on paper than on the battlefield) Arab revolt against the Turks during World War I, Lawrence later became embittered with Britain’s imperial policy and spent the last few years of his life sulking and tinkering with motorcycles (he died in a motorcycle accident). Though he largely tried to keep a low profile, his much-exaggerated accomplishments led to him being dubbed “Lawrence of Arabia.”

Eva Peron (1919-1952)

“Saint Evita” was the daughter of an adulterous relationship between two villagers in an impoverished part of Argentina. She made a name for herself as an actress before marrying Juan Peron in 1944, but, being illegitimate (and a peasant), she was never really accepted in the social circles in which he routinely traveled. As a rising military officer, Peron quickly found himself dictator of Argentina, and “Evita” was by his side. In fact, she was there to do more than just wave at crowds and manage the mansion. Evita actually ran several government ministries and almost became vice president in 1951 (the military bullied Peron into making her drop out of the campaign). And though she’s best known to many from the musical and movie that bear her name, you really shouldn’t feel obligated to cry for her. While the flick plays up the glamour and romance of her career, it largely ignores her corruption, oppression of political rivals, cozying up to Nazi war criminals, and other questionable doings.”***

Bastards Unite! We’re in good company. We may have been born as lemons, but we’ve made lemonade.

***From Mental Floss: 6 Famous Bastards Who Made Their Mark by Mangesh & Jason

Retirement is not without Hassles: Sunday #742

November 18, 2018 / mikeljohnston1 / 0 Comments

I remember when Sunday was not just another day, as it tends to be in retirement. In fact, I rarely even recognize it now except as the day the trash needs to go out. For my working wife, it is still a special weekend day of not having to go to the office. She likes to start her “Funday” by giving our two pups a long walk, something she believes I am remiss on doing during the week. Since I run every morning, it’s become a ritual of compromise that we now refer to as a “Schnauzerthon.” Our 100-year old, gimpy schnauzer Tinker can’t handle the distance any more, so we bought her an Air Buggy that allows continued participation in the fun. We take turns pushing her along through the park with schnauzer-sister Tally on a leash. When Tinker is in my control, we surge ahead at my faster running pace, she gets the youthful sensation of a puppy chasing the ducks at full speed, her ears pinned back by the wind – as if I could possibly run that fast any more.

When I was a kid, I went to Sunday school, another miserable day in the classroom. Soon my stubborn resistance made life unbearable on everyone at home until they just let me sleep-in, my favorite activity as a child. Even at this age, Sundays were still an ominous signal that a week of work was soon about to begin, and I was already looking forward to retirement. Once in the job force, Sundays were all about getting ready for that Monday morning alarm, hoping to ease the pain of the worst day of the week. As far as I was concerned, the weekend was over when I finally got out of bed on Sunday. Church was still not on my agenda, only disrupting a rare opportunity to sleep-in late. Please forgive my laziness!

The only two good things about Sunday that I remember were Chicago Bears games and Murder She Wrote. There was no Sunday Night Football back then so no conflicts between these two great television events. Without fail, every Sunday night at 8 p.m. I set up the ironing board in front of the TV and pressed my suits and shirts for the week, eliminating one of the hassles of getting ready every morning. By the time Jessica Fletcher solved the murder and my clothes were laid out, I began to feel the depression of another weekend gone by! It always seemed like the time passed so quickly, despite all my efforts to savor the precious hours. Suddenly, I was back in the office and Saturday was five seemingly endless days away!

Casual Fridays were also non-existent back then, so it meant a stuffy suit every day and five to iron every Sunday. The thought of also ironing a sixth suit for church was just another excuse not to go. Later in life, I bought a steamer to take the wrinkles out of my suits, and even though church services became more casual, I still didn’t go. Football is now on nearly every day and so are re-runs of Murder She Wrote, so neither says Sunday anymore. It’s now all about trash, “Schnauzerthons,” afternoons with my wife, no suits to press, and trips into wine country.

Creature Features: Doggy Bag Duty #735

November 13, 2018 / mikeljohnston1 / 0 Comments

I continue to be amazed by the volume of scatological output relative to our dog Tinker’s small size. I also know from comments that others aren’t quite as fascinated with this subject, so I’m giving you fair warning before you waste your time reading this post: POOP ALERT! I know there is no Guinness World Record Book listing on this subject, but it does report Blue Whale feces to be colossal in size. Dinosaurs apparently also made a big impact, judging from their fossilized leave-behinds also know as “coprolite.” The scientific term is derived from the Greek words kopros meaning “dung” and lithos meaning “stone,” although it’s hardly “lite.” If you’ll pardon the pun, they’re now ex-stinked. Tinker is very much alive, and is not known for massive movements but rather aggregate sum.

I proudly call our stoolish schnauzer “The Poopingest Pup on the Planet,” but the only means of comparison is really our other schnauzer Tally. We think that Tink is part-poodle and this may be the reason for her superior intelligence. I don’t even want to get into “poodle doodles,” and I’m not talking about breeding. Tally is half her older sister’s age, and both were adopted. They each weigh 25-26 pounds and are served the same amount of food every day, yet Tinker regularly has ten times the output. I know this because I’m responsible for their daily care that includes 6 or more outings a day. It’s rare if I don’t collect at least one full doggy bag every time I take her out. Pound-for-pound I’m willing to challenge any competitor.

Tinker does steal Tally’s food to the point where I have to stand over the bowls and referee once dinner is served. Tinker devours her dinner, while Tally seems to savor every glorious bite. As I’ve reported before, Tinker is not shy when it comes to pooping and favors no surface. Tally needs privacy and seeks a patch of ivy or tall grass to hide her spoils. I go through roll-after-roll of doggy bags on account of Tinker, but Tally thoughtfully never goes where others might walk. They are output opposites!

Today is the day I take them to Urban Fauna for playtime and grooming. This is a second Tuesday of the month ritual, but in this case it’s been five weeks. They need a bath badly to the point where my wife jokingly pleaded, “Please get the Stink off Tink!” Too many times a day, I get the stink out of her and collect it in a bag. This is the one day a month when it’s somebody else’s responsibility to clean-up after the two of them. I have a feeling they hold it in all day, because they are sure glad to get back to their favorite spots here in our neighborhood. I’m always the one left holding the bag!

Soon, we’ll be packing up the “Doggy Bags” to head to Bend, Oregon. It will involve a three-hour drive for the dogs, who love any “ride in the car.” I don’t think they have a sense of distance, but any opportunity to get out of the house seems exciting. Just the words, “ride in the car,” gets their tails wagging. It takes awhile for Tinker to settle into the ride, as many times her legs start to shake and she begins to pant in what we believe is panic. We were told at the time of her adoption, that she was abandoned early in her life and was eventually found in the woods caked in mud. She ate acorns to fill her stomach that supposedly kept her digestive system intact. At this time in her life, maybe Baby Ruth was a better description of her poop production than Tootsie Roll? (See Post #722). She also seems to associate being abandoned or dumped with being in the car, so a longer ride eases some of that anxiety. She often sits on my wife’s lap in the passenger seat but will eventually curl-up in peaceful sleep on her elevated bed in the back seat, until I hit a disturbing highway rumble strip. Tally will sit in anticipation of mom’s lap availability. Poop-related accidents in the car have been limited to Tinkerhea. (See Post #370). Bags are not helpful when this happens!

Retirement is not without Hassles: Queen #726

November 4, 2018 / mikeljohnston1 / 0 Comments

Last night my wife and I went to see Bohemian Rhapsody – the story of Queen. It was the same successful formula as A Star is Born, the rise of an unknown artist into stardom. It was a welcome departure from too much Queen Cersei Lannister of Game of Thrones, who I’ve grown to despise in the popular television series. “Movie Night” gets me out of the house and away from the television screen for a few hours. Once my morning run is done, I’m typically a slug the rest of each day.

For some odd reason, I mistakenly thought that the members of Queen had met at the Julliard School of Music where they studied the classical music influences in Bohemian Rhapsody. I’m not sure I could have been any further from the truth, or at least how Hollywood portrayed it. As a result, after watching a movie like this, I immediately jump on the internet for some “facts.”

I guess I really didn’t know anything about Freddie Mercury at all, other the fact that I loved his voice and that he tragically died of AIDS as a result of being sexually promiscuous. I never knew he was born Ferrokh Bulsara in Zanzibar (now Tanzania), practiced the Zoroastrian religion, had a younger sister Kashmira, moved to Middlesex in his mid-teens, and was married for six years to Mary Austin. The movie held true to these details, including how in April of 1970 he joined guitarist Brian May and drummer Roger Taylor in a band called Smile, after their lead vocalist suddenly quit. Soon after, he changed the name of the group to Queen and designed their logo to represent his flamboyant style, in conjunction with zodiac signs of all four members that also included bassist John Deacon.

Mercury wrote 10 of the group’s 17 greatest hits, but was not particularly successful doing two solo albums then returned to the band he considered family. His live performance at Live Aid was one of the greatest on record and was majestically captured in the film. In retrospect, I missed one of the humorous segments of the movie by not recognizing Mike Myers in his role as EMI record executive Ray Foster. He’s quoted as saying after listening to the six-minute long song, “mark these words…no one will listen to Queen.” He ironically implied, with a British accent, that youngsters would not be cruising along to their operatic-like music. Seventeen years later, the movie Wayne’s World featured Myers, Dana Carvery and friends riding around their hometown of Aurora, Illinois in an AMC Pacer singing along to a cranked-up version of Bohemian Rhapsody.” He was purposely cast in the perfect role as the cynic who refused to accept their creativity. Wayne’s World helped to put the song back at the top of the charts for the second time since it was originally released. Unfortunately, Freddie Mercury was no longer alive to enjoy its unprecedented reprisal.

My wife and I were still discussing the movie the next morning, so it must have been good. Sadly, it doesn’t deserve to be in the same paragraph as the next subject. I woke up to a pile of poop on the kitchen floor, maybe the result of the time change last night? After too many “Creature Feature” posts that appear as part of this blog about our aging schnauzer Tinker, “The Poopingest Pup on the Planet,” it was suggested by a friend that I have “poop on the brain.” I had promised to refrain from writing about it for awhile, until this morning’s “Poopsident.” It was later that my wife also found she had made a deposit on one of the painter’s tarps spread out on our living room floor. It’s hard for me to ignore the subject when I spend a good portion of every day walking them around the neighborhood armed with a bevy of doggy bags. After five or six trips outside every day picking up after her, maybe a better nickname is the “Queen of Poop?” “Crazy Little Thing Called Poop“

My friends are right – I do have poop on the brain:

Oops – Poopsident

As I walked in the kitchen,
And picked up the scent.
It wasn’t a good smell,
But rather a Poopsident.

Was it my fault?
For waiting too long?
She knows better,
Something went wrong.

With time change last night.
She was forced to wait.
I slept an extra hour,
And it was too late.

Does she need a diaper?
Or maybe a plug?
At least it was tile,
And not a Persian rug.

I took her outside,
And she had to go more.
Just how much poop?
Can a little pup store?

She overeats,
Then asks for treats.
After a snack,
The cycle repeats.

Next, magic happens,
That some may doubt.
Whatever goes in,
Even more comes out.

She’s a machine,
The “Queen of Poop.”
I need to get,
A larger scoop.

Incidents Happen,
I may be to blame?
On this occasion,
I could see her shame.

Her appetite’s grown,
As she’s gotten older.
Sometimes her output,
Is as big as a boulder.

Creature Features: Tootsie Roll #722

October 30, 2018 / mikeljohnston1 / 0 Comments

It’s “Trick or Treat” time, so all I can think about is candy. I’ve had my wife lock our stash in the trunk of her car, so I can’t devour them all in one sitting. It’s safe while she’s at work! One of my favorite movie scenes is in Caddyshack when the Baby Ruth accidentally gets flung in the Bushwood Country Club pool and floats away to Jaws-like music. As it drifts by a group of misbehaving kids they quickly scatter over the side in a panic while a little girl screams, “Doody, Daddy, Doddy!” Bill Murray is the groundskeeper, Carl Spackler, who’s given the job of retrieving the mistaken poop, but recognizes it as a candy bar and takes a bite to the shock of onlookers. It could just as well have been a Tootsie Roll, that is also often mistaken for “Doody.” To further capitalize on mistaken identity, they manufacture an inflatable pool float shaped like a giant Tootsie Roll. Unfortunately, if it were designed as unwrapped, they couldn’t show off their logo. We have a supply of full-size Tootie Roll’s and Baby Ruth’s in our candy bowl to give to costumed visitors.

Today, Doody Daddy is the name of a waste management firm in Cove, Florida. You can also buy an inflatable giant poop emoji to float your troubles away on. Or, if you want a toy for your kid there’s Princess Poop, Flush Force, Poopeez, Sticky The Poo, Toilet Trouble, Don’t Step In It, POOP: The Game, Poopyhead, and Doddy Head. It’s all part of the Poop Craze, that maybe started with the Poop humor in flicks like Caddyshack, Dumb & Dumber, Scary Movie 4, Van Wilder, Date Movie, Harold & Kumar go to White Castle, Not Another Teen Movie, American Pie, Friday, and White Chicks?

I happen to own the “Poopingest Pup on the Planet,” a dog that’s full of it. I don’t always find her habits as humorous, but it’s created a popular topic for my blog. Tinker is over 100-years old and showing signs of senility. For example, she no longer does an endless back-and-forth dance searching for the perfect spot. In fact, she’s developed a recent habit of pooping on the sidewalk. I’ll be walking along with younger Tally pulling me forward with eager enthusiasm, while Tinker gimps along slowly behind. The retractable leashes are often stretched to their fullest in both directions. If I’m not careful, Tinker will stop to itch her butt on the rough concrete surface, and suddenly she’s being dragged along. She could also stop at any moment to empty her bowels, as I watch Tootsie Roll-like logs rolling down the steep neighborhood hill behind us. I’ll have to chase them down with my doggy bag, before they tumble into street traffic or into a storm drain. Sometimes sadly, what comes out is Tinkerreah (the runs), that never rolls. (See Post #370)

Tinker’s appetite has remained strong, unlike her legs and eyesight. She continues to take Prednisone to control her itching and arthritis. The steroids have turned her into even more of a mooch, as she relentlessly follows me anytime I head in the direction of our refrigerator, hoping for a nugget. She’ll eat anything, but chocolate is poisonous to dogs, so Halloween is not her favorite holiday. We used to dress her up in a Bumble Bee outfit to greet our Trick-or-Treaters, but it never got her a bag of candy. We’re generous with most everything else we eat, but chocolate, eggs, and many wheat products are strictly forbidden. We sneak a bite or two of egg to Tally every morning when Tinker isn’t looking. To be honest, I don’t think we fool her, so she tries to retaliate by stealing Tally’s dinner. The “bottom” line, is that Tinker enjoys excessive amounts of input, and expels equal amounts of output. She’s all about “treat,” and too smart to be “tricked.” In most cases, she’s a dog that gets what she wants! This is why I fondly refer to her as the “Poopingest Pup on the Planet!”

Diary of an Adoptee: Family Ties #721

October 29, 2018 / mikeljohnston1 / 0 Comments

I got a supportive note from a Banister cousin today who follows this blog. Her sentiment was expressed in these words: “sure sounds like you are figuring out who you are…you come from a big family.” The e-mail came at a time when I when still assessing the impact of yesterday’s discovery. She understands the frustration I feel as a result of the denial of acceptance by my birth mother. A few months ago, I thought that this was the end of ever determining who the father was? However, recent DNA findings have perhaps provided the answers without her cooperation.

It’s mind-boggling when I think of all the circumstances that have led to this discovery over the last 30 years:

The name Edna Faye Banister and an address was discretely passed along to me from of a friend who had illegal access to sealed Indiana adoption records.
The realization that the address provided was the adoption home where I spent the first few months of my life. Coincidentally, it was directly across the street from my Indianapolis office, where I had a daily view of the parking lot where it once sat. Like a homing pigeon, I had traveled from job-to-job over hundreds of miles to ultimately return to the neighborhood.
A visit to a nearby hospital to request a copy of my birth certificate.
The 23andMe DNA test that my boss suggested that I take.
A note from a DNA match and his efforts to secure copies of my bio mom’s birth certificate and a 1940 census report. This enabled me to find her whereabouts and compare the ages of her seven siblings to generic information provided by the adoption agency. The actual records were until recently sealed by law.
Certified letters to the birth mother’s address and to her son with no response.
Feedback from other Banister family members that indicated denial on her part.
The decision to take a second DNA test through Ancestry.com.
A record of Ancestry “DNA Relative” matches to a mother and son who topped the list, followed by notes and phone calls.
The decision of this woman to coincidentally take a DNA test for some still unexplained reason. Destiny?
A conversation with this woman and discussion of her father’s military records that led to suspicion of his involvement with Edna Faye Banister, and the realization that they were distant cousins. Plus, photos that showed a strong resemblance.
A recent change in Ancestry DNA comparison utilizing centimorgan (cMs) measurement. (See Post #719)
A comparison chart that shows our shared DNA to be high enough for a half-sibling connection.
The discovery of four other sisters and the decision to get together for a meeting (coming soon).

It’s starting to sink-in that I have seven living half-siblings and three half-brothers that are deceased. My birth mother’s son is named Jerry Lee, the same name his mother gave me at birth. Her daughter is named Janet, the same as one of my half-sisters. I speculate that two distant cousins had an affair, and then each married another, bringing a total of 11 children into the world. I was the only one that was put-up for adoption, but I guess now we could be considered a “BIG family,” although I’ve never met any of them. Her second Jerry Lee hasn’t accepted that a first Jerry Lee (me) exists. He’s lost all his brothers tragically but me, but does not believe that I am related. His half-sister Janet is also not aware of Janet 2, but I can imagine the introduction I might make. Like the three brothers named Darryl comedy routine from the early 80’s TV Bob Newhart Show, “Half-sister Janet meet my other half-sister Janet.” I have yet to make an effort to contact her.

I keep hoping that Edna Faye will confess to the “indiscretion” that gave me life. I certainly don’t see it that way! I’m nothing but grateful, and would like an opportunity to show her “the good” that she delivered. I know it’s a part of her life that she’d like to forget, including the humiliation of having to leave high school and home to give birth to me. Maybe she was in love with my father, but he left for the Marines and marriage to another? Maybe it was an accident, and she was embarrassed to be seduced by a cousin? My birth father’s high school photo listed him to be a “Heart-breaker,” so perhaps I am nothing but a reminder of unrequited love? It’s been 67-years and she’s now 85, so it’s possible that she will soon take this secret to the grave. At least, DNA has pointed to possibilities that she is reluctant to admit, even after all these years.

As my Ancestry cousin has graciously responded, I do have a big family, when at one time I thought I was an only child, except for my sister. This indicates how selfish and spoiled I was growing up. I can’t imagine sharing with 11 siblings. Adoption made me special, and I was fortunate to have grown up in a loving, giving environment. I got everything I could possibly want, but after all these years apparently I want more. I want to know the circumstances of my birth and any physical characteristics that I share with others. I know longer have the parents who raised me, so I’ve searched for other family connections. DNA has gotten me close, and the next few months will determine my destiny that has evolved from inquiries over the last 30 years, and family ties that I was never aware existed.

Retirement Is Not Without Hassles: The Moon #711

October 21, 2018 / mikeljohnston1 / 0 Comments

This Post #711 on the 7th day of the week reminds me that Seven and Eleven are deemed to be lucky numbers, with 7 known round the world to bring the most good fortune. Eleven was certainly lucky for enabling Neil Armstrong’s famous walk on the moon, after watching the movie First Man last night. Apollo 11 safely rocketed the Mission Commander, along with Buzz Aldrin, and Mike Collins into history. The movie features a rare moment when the three astronauts are each totally alone in space, with Collins in Columbia, the command module, Aldrin in the lunar module Eagle, and Armstrong on the surface. All three returned to Earth as conquering heroes. In sharp contrast, Apollo 13, bearing the unluckiest number in the world, resulted in tragedy, even though it was the 7th manned mission in the Apollo space program. Perhaps they should have skipped #13 like the buttons in many elevators? The successful moon landing of Apollo 12 seems to have gotten lost in the shuffle, as Pete Conrad and Alan Bean became the third and fourth U.S. men to set foot on the moon’s surface. A total a twenty-four men, including 12 Soviets, have walked on the moon, but only the name Neil Armstrong stands out. The last two from the U.S. were Gene Cernan and Harrison Schmitt of Apollo 17 in 1972. As far as the future is concerned, China is now the third country to do a soft-landing on the moon with expectations of putting a crew there by 2036.

From a personal standpoint, it’s rewarding for a Hoosier like myself to note that both the first and last man to walk on the moon were Purdue University alumni. Purdue had a BIG football victory yesterday over #2 Ohio State that made me envious, as my Alma Mater Indiana once again fell short against Penn State. The unexpected upset by the “University of the Astronauts” over the perennially powerful Buckeyes was indeed out of this world! Indiana and Purdue will play Thanksgiving weekend for the Old Oaken Bucket and a potential bowl bid. With Purdue’s recent momentum, it will be a long afternoon for the Cream & Crimson faithful. Just for the record, Ohio State has won 20 straight against the Hoosiers and that steak has been anything but luck. It will be at least until the “Moon is in the Seventh House” and our country puts another man on the moon before Indiana wins another football game against The Ohio University.

Eleven days from now college basketball season starts and the 11th month begins, so I consider that to be lucky. Someday, Indiana will hopefully capture their Seventh NCAA Championship Banner. Plus, I’m Seven years into my 60th year, a sure sign of another good year. 10 was always my favorite number, so it’s also fortunate to have several lucky numbers to choose from. If I decide to play the Mega Millions game this week, it will take six lucky numbers. Last week, the Mega-ball was 7. The stars and moon will need to be in alignment for someone to win. Who’s that Lucky?

Retirement is not without Hassles: Groundhog Day #706

October 17, 2018 / mikeljohnston1 / 0 Comments

I checked back through my previous posts to see if I had written about Groundhog Day. After being home for three straight days, I had the feeling that this morning was simply a repeat of yesterday and the day before. I turned my watch alarm off, got out of bed, cleaned the litter box, put some running clothes on, did some exercises, took the dogs out, ran 3.1 miles, had a fried egg for breakfast, poured a Diet Coke, kissed my wife goodbye, retreated to my home office, took a shower, and dressed for the day in my traditional retirement uniform. It will probably be the same routine for the rest of the week, and maybe the next 36 weekdays before we travel again. So far, this hasn’t gotten boring, especially since my day-to-day working routine was very similar. The only real difference was putting on a suit & tie, as opposed to blue jeans and a Columbia shirt.

I’m surprised there were no past references to Groundhog Day in my blog. The 1993 movie, starring Bill Murray and Punxsutawney Phil, is one of my all-time favorites. Also, Groundhog Day is celebrated annually on February 2nd, followed by my Dad’s, then Mom’s birthday. I not sure how many Phil’s there have been since the tradition started in 1886, but I have only one mom & dad, unless you consider the fact that I’m adopted. My parents passed four years ago, but I still continue to honor their days and the groundhog’s. Also, after looking up the unique spelling of Punxsutawney, I’m more certain than ever that I’ve never written that name before. It’s actually a Pennsylvania borough whose name is derived from Native Unami meaning “town of the sandflies (or mosquitoes).” With all those pests around, it’s no wonder why Phil only makes limited appearances every year.

Honestly, I can’t say that every day past noon has been exactly the same. On Monday, I took out the garbage and drove Tally to the vet to have her eye checked. Yesterday, I watched the movie “Uncle Drew,” enjoyed two Playoff baseball games, and cooked dinner. So far, today I’ve watched “A Prayer Before Dawn,” got my hair cut, and went to Starbuck’s. I had a pumpkin spice craving, so I ordered a rare Latte Grande. For variety, I’m also thinking about having the limited-time-only pumpkin spice wings for our Friday “Leadership Meeting” at Buffalo Wild Wings. This would be a drastic variation from my traditional Groundhog Day-like schedule.

Some might call my retirement life boring, but I’m actually embracing this stint of doing nothing. After all those 8-to-5 office days, I feel like I deserve some time off. I’ve avoided anything that requires being anywhere at a specified time. This has included volunteer or part-time work that I may eventually consider as time goes on. Typically, we’re away from home one week or longer every month, an 80/20 ratio. This balance of home and away keeps the Groundhog in me from getting restless!

Category: CREATURE FEATURES (Page 24 of 38)

Creature Features: Dogfather #763

Retirement is not without Hassles: Disney #757