We are making an effort to make our skin sensitive schnoodle, Tinker, less itchy. As she approaches her 90th dog year, her many allergies and the moist Northwest conditions often get the best of her, as ears and rears react. She begins to scratch and lick incessantly to the point where we remove her dog tags every night to keep them from rattling. She wears a vest rather than a collar to prevent any tension on her neck and spinal area when we walk her on a leash. We tease her by calling her “Vesty Larue,” like Pepe Le Pew, making fun of her French Poodle heritage, and distinguishing her from Tally, our younger rescue schnauzer, who still sports a fancy collar. At one point, we tried putting both of them in vests, but Tally chewed hers off, and will chew up Tinker’s if we don’t put it out of reach each night.

Tally has so much energy that she will grab her leash with her teeth and try to take herself on a walk, if we’re not moving fast enough for her. Tinker has a bit of arthritis and moves much slower, so keeping both of them at a comfortable pace is often a challenge.  My wife and I try to resolve this conflict on weekends, by going out together so she can walk with Tinker and I can do short runs with Tally until she loses interest. I then loop back to my wife and leave her with both dogs while I continue my run, joining up with them on occasion to give Tally other opportunities to join my faster pace. It’s become a family tradition, and the dogs look forward to it after spending boring weekdays with me.

I take them out several times each day, but most of the time they will take turns quietly sitting on the office chair, watching me write and waiting for the moment when I get up. They then follow me, hoping for a walk, treat, or any kind of attention. If they are not in my office, I usually find one or the other napping on top of the bed covers, listening for the garage door to roll open. That’s the best sound of the day, signaling the return of my wife from her workplace. They both gather with enthusiasm, waiting for her to park the car and open the door into the house.

It used to be that Tally would not touch her food until my wife got home each night, despite the risk that Tinker would gobble it up. Her plan was to see what was being prepared for dinner, and not filling up on canned food and kibbles. Tinker, on the other hand, is never full and rarely passes up any available food. We think that this obsession dates back to before our adoption of her, and the result of being abandoned in the woods. The pre-adoption physical revealed acorns in her stomach that the doctor said kept her digestive system going when she had nothing else to eat. Since we’ve owned her, she had never missed a meal until just recently.

Tinker’s itching and scratching, and reoccurring ear infections, have resulted in numerous prescriptions. As I’ve commented many times: Pet. Vet. Debt. (See Post #351 for the most recent reference). She had pills coming out her ears, and hated the taste and smell of them. We’d try to force them down her throat but she’d cleverly spit them out later, and we’d find them hidden around the house. She was not fooled by hiding them in “Pill Pockets,” and would detect and spit them out if we wrapped sliced turkey around them. I mistakenly then tried hiding them in her food, and eventually she refused to eat. It was frustrating for all of us, except Tally who no longer had to worry about Tinker secretly scarfing down her food. Tally could now safely wait for Mom’s cooking without the risk of a “Tinker Attack” on her uneaten bowl of food.

We’ve since insisted on strictly injections if Tinker needs any kind of medication, and have completely changed the dining routine, hoping to completely eliminate allergic reactions to the hidden supplements in even the special dog food that we tried for awhile. This morning I made my first batch of rice boiled in chicken broth. It’s about a half hour process, following my wife’s recipe for success. They get a small bowl every morning, and we combine it with cooked chicken chunks each night. Tinker is once again enjoying her meals, and Tally no longer waits for alternatives. The minute I start filling their bowls, their noses are in the way.

Both of us, of course, are guilty of varying from the diet on occasion. Every once in a while, I will walk the dogs down to Starbucks, where they are usually offered a treat. The other day they were out, so I gave them one when we got back home. My wife brought them home some lamb leftovers from Outback Steakhouse last night, and they always get a couple pieces of sliced turkey every night before bed time. We call it “Ham Time,” because a Vet once recommended that a touch of protein every day was good for dogs and cats. All three pets line up at the refrigerator every night in anticipation. Last year, we switched from honey-baked ham to honey-baked turkey slices, feeling like the latter was a healthier option. I don’t think they noticed the difference. I was the biggest violator this week, by taking the dogs out to lunch. We went to Sonic because they have drive-in service and were offering one-dollar hot dogs yesterday. The three of us ate hot dogs and I shared a single French Fry with them. I also ordered a chocolate milkshake that came topped with whip cream and a cherry, served in cup with a plastic dome and a wide opening suitable for a spoon. Without thinking, I made a stop on the way home, and while I was away from the car, both dogs had gotten their share of whip cream, but only Tinker got caught. It was an honest accident on my part! However, I am thinking about “lunch dates with the dogs” as a regular retirement outing option.

It’s another gray day in Portland, Oregon, a moist environment only suitable for mold, rot, allergies, moss, and infection. It’s especially hard on small pets like our Schnauzer, Tinker. She’s getting up there in the years; we believe her to be almost 12 human years and 94 dog years old. Cold, wet weather is hard on her large, sensitive ears, vulnerable skin, and arthritic joints. Only the veterinarian prospers, with what now seems like weekly visits for ear infections, eye seepage, and lesions. I feel sorry for the old gal, as she itches her way through each day despite our efforts to monitor her diet and keep her regularly treated.

Our cabinet is full of her prescriptions that seem to do little good. She’s reluctant to eat her dinner or snarf down a treat for fear that a pill is hidden somewhere within. Her kibbles often sit in the bowl, too similar in consistency to the tablets that we force down her throat. We’ve now resorted to rice and chicken in lieu of canned foods that are loaded with unknown additives. We know she’s allergic to wheat and eggs, but the constant moisture in the air is her worst enemy and something we can’t control. When we lived in Texas, for example, she had fewer problems with her bat-like ears and aging skin.

Tinker looks like she could fly by simply spreading out her ears like Dumbo, but her constant appetite and pudgy stomach keep her grounded. She could be related to the millions of bats that live under the Congress Street Bridge in Austin, Texas that take to the skies each night like a massive cloud of black smoke. She could smell them on her afternoon walks, as they slept in the cool darkness of the bridge joints after a long night of devouring mosquitos and other bugs. Austin is where Tinker met her younger sister, Tally, a jet-black schnauzer that we adopted nearly 8 years ago. Neither of them had their ears cruelly cropped, as is common with the breed to give them a more distinctive look. However, many will argue that cropping will reduce the vulnerability to ear infections that we constantly battle.

Tally usually accompanies Tinker to the Vet’s office, but other than annual check-ups and shots, she has enjoyed outstanding health. She’s the first to jump on the scale as we enter the waiting room, waiting for acknowledgment by the receptionist. Tinker and Tally (T-N-T See Post #211) are the cutest combination of pups. Tally smells the infection growing in Tinker’s ears and serves as a detector for its presence, by aggressively licking the area. It’s as if she’s permanently attached to the side of Tinker’s head until we get it properly treated. That treatment is now typically an injection, in an attempt to avoid the pills that she has learned to despise. Too often we would find the pills hidden around the house, as she somehow tricked us into believing she had swallowed. It just got to be too much of a battle.

Yesterday, while Tally supervised, Tinker received an impression smear and two injections. Cha-Ching! One was an anti-biotic and the other a steroid to hopefully control bacteria growth and keep her from scratching the affected areas. As I’ve written many times before: Pet. Vet. Debt. Tinker is comfortably napping on the chair in my office, while Tally is content in the living room, guarding the patio door. Hopefully, we can stay away from the Vet until after the first of the year when she’ll need x-rays and an exam. In the meantime, I’ll save up!

Schnauzers are very high-strung dogs.  They follow you everywhere and bark at everything.  What happens when you add steroids?  The quick answer is that they do not hit more home runs, but they do have to pee more.  They also seem a bit more aggressive and protective.  It hasn’t gotten to the level of a classic, black & white, science fiction movie like “The Attack of the 50 Foot Woman,” where they’ve grown to abnormal size and can no longer fit in their dog beds.  Then they attack the refrigerator and Super Market, growing bigger and bigger in size, while looking for a giant fire hydrant.  “Schnauzer on Steroids,” will never get the Oscar for Sci-Fi Horror Films!

Our oldest schnauzer, Tinker, itches all the time.  We have had her tested for allergies which include egg, wheat, the common housefly, and most outdoor grasses.  The excessive dampness of the Northwest also probably doesn’t help either!  We’ve tried everything to relieve her scratching and licking, that becomes particularly annoying in the middle of the night.  I do now remove her collar before bedtime each night to keep her dog tags from rattling together and keeping us awake.  The poor dog’s paws are discolored from all the licking, and her ears sometimes bleed from scratching them so much with her claws.  We buy hypo-allergic dog food and try to feed her carrots as treats.  Nothing seems to work!   The Vet suggested Prednisone, so we’ve been slipping a tablet in her food each evening, and she’s probably wondering what’s going on?  We’re now in the process of weening her off the medication, so the tablets are currently on an every other day basis until the prescription runs out.

Prednisone is a steroid that makes her very thirsty.  We aren’t sure if it makes her any hungrier, because she’s always hungry!  Tinker is an adopted pup, now 10 years old, that was apparently abandoned at some point and had to fend for herself in the woods.  The Vet who was involved in the adoption told us that he found remnants of acorns in her stomach.  In his opinion, these helped keep her digestive track active when there was nothing else to eat.  It’s hard to deprive a dog with that history from good food, but she was also getting a little chunky.  She’ll eat her food and then go after Tally, our our schnauzer’s dish.  As a result, we’ve had to make some compromises with her food intake, while also being sensitive to her allergies.   Now, water has become an even bigger problem, as every bowl in the house is often dry.

You know what they say:  what goes in must come out.  Consequently, I have to take her outside more often now.  Fortunately, I’m retired, so I’m home to do that most days.  We’ve also had some emergencies in the middle of the night, and a couple of accidents.  Thank God for Scotch Guard!  When I finally do let her out, the stream of pee is seemingly endless, as I stand there watching relief fill her eyes.  Before we get back home, she’ll have to go again.  “What’s going on, Dad?” I’m sure she’d like to ask, and then it’s back to the water bowl.  Drink. Pee. Repeat.

I would like to resolve her bladder issues, just as I’d like to resolve my own, and I don’t take steroids.  As I’m up and down the hall all night long, I’m sure she thinks it’s her time to go outside each time.  We currently live in a condo, so we don’t have a back yard and a doggy door, so it’s all up to me. This was my penalty for not buying another home for my wife, the real dog lover, as we went through the downsizing process.  Drink, Pee. Repeat. It’s the same for both me and the dogs, a common bond between a beast and his master.   Sometimes, I’m not sure who’s the beast and who’s the master.  Drink. Pee. Repeat.  It’s like a washing machine cycle that never stops!

To make matters worse, the dog maintenance bills are out of control.  Pet. Vet. Debt. Repeat. The list includes special-diet dog food, ear medication, steroids, Benadryl,  Apoquel, check-ups, paw sprays, pill-pockets, and doggy bags (she also has to poop a lot).  Eat. Poop. Repeat. She may very well soon become the Million Dollar Dog.  Pet. Vet. Debt. Repeat.  I’ve made so many trips to the Vet, just since retirement, that it’s probably a good thing that I no longer have a full-time job.  I’m simply the Dog Sitter, with a dog that is currently trying to get my attention. Drink. Pee. Repeat.   The Horror of it all!