I’m getting silly and giddy as a result of all my time alone. I’m even starting to create my own language so that I can keep track of the days of the week. For example, what used to be “Thursday” is now “Errand” day. In my language, there are no more “Thursdays”, “Weekends,” “Holidays,” or “Vacations” now – every day is the same. Each day, as distinguished by when the sun comes up, however, has to be associated with a planned activity. Otherwise, I become confused as to what day it is. This happened just yesterday. “Gym and Cooking” day. “Date Night” is always on Wednesday. I knew it was “Date Night” because I had “Gym and Cooking” day the prior sunrise. When my wife came home from work on “Date Night” day, she was not feeling up to a big dinner. We ended up staying home and watching television. When I woke up the next morning, I was lost. I knew we didn’t have “Date Night” day, so how was I to know it was “Errand” day? Does that make sense? Can you see how easy it is to get confused when you’re retired? (see post #66 to see how I keep track of the days)
I don’t think this is the onset of memory loss, it’s just that it now really doesn’t matter what day it is. They all really seem to run together, especially when something like “Date Night” day is moved to “Errand” day, and you wake up the next morning thinking that’s it’s “Errand Day,” but it’s really “Lunch” day. Then you have nobody to have lunch with, or it gets cancelled or moved, and before you know it, “Everybody else is off” day has suddenly arrived. That day is particularly easy for me to remember because my wife sleeps in. So I do, too. The exact same thing happens on “No Mail” day. It gets even more confusing when we travel, and we’re in a different time zone. I don’t think we should get into that subject, as yet!
So how was “Errand” day, you ask? It was nice and sunny. I listened to the retirement seminar on Long Term Care Insurance, and read a little of “Lincoln And The Power of Press.” I was multi-tasking, doing these two educational labors while sitting on the back deck maintaining my Maui tan. The “Schnauzer on Steroids,”* and her sister barked at passersby, and before we knew it – it was time for me to go give blood. Giving life-saving blood is something that not enough people do, in my opinion. It’s painless and they give you cookies after you’re done. Other than fighting the traffic to get there, I would say that the morning of “Errand” day was relatively hassle-free.
Traffic is a whole different issue. It’s something that I don’t deal with every day now, so it’s much more stressful. I was never a patient man behind the wheel, but when I drove to work every morning, I somehow learned to tolerate it. Since I’ve retired, I now try to limit my trips in the car. It saves gas and frustration. Hence, “Errand” day was invented. It’s the day I do all the things on the honey-do list. “Errand” day and “Gym and Cooking” day are my two most stressful days of the week. “Trash and Cleaning” day is the least stressful of all, and “Lunch” day would be equally enjoyable, if I didn’t have to drive to get there and back. Traffic lights seem to last forever, somebody’s always on your butt, and some idiot predictably wants to make a left-hand turn on a street where you can’t get by on the right. I also despise parking lots where cars are coming at you from all directions.
I can get grocery and most household items at Target, so this is usually my go-to store on “Errand” day. The parking lot of course is crazy, so I find a spot as far away from the door as possible. “Errand” day must be the same for everybody, since everyone is is the same place at the same time. You would think that everyone would be working, but that’s simply not the case. You’re always in someone’s way, or someone is in your way, and when you need help, it’s nowhere to be found. Also, any item over $25 seems to be locked up and no one has the key. I tried to buy a Phillip’s Sonicare toothbrush for my wife, and finally found someone to unlock the case. I knew that same item would haunt me at check-out, since it also had an anti-theft device attached. I typically feel like I’m on a scavenger hunt, since most retail stores are designed to keep you in there as long as possible. The more times they can get you to pass the snack bar or candy section the better! I have a list and I’m checking it twice, but needlessly find myself backtracking. Without fail, I also seem to have the urge to use the bathroom when I’m in the middle of my shopping, and it’s typically on the other end of the store. This despite the fact that it was the first place I visited as entering the store.
With any shopping task, I find myself in a hurry to get it finished, even though there’s nothing urgent left to do. Disappointment sets in when I can’t breeze through the store, checking off each item on the list without going out of my way. Instead, I’m all over the place, finding the most inefficient route possible. A sense of relief comes over me once I cross off that last item on the list, but the dreaded check-out process still looms ahead. Sure enough, everyone is headed to the check-out area at the same time, and there’s only one check-out register open. A long line forms, and gradually they open more check-out lanes. Unfortunately, I’m never in the right position to take advantage of an opening. The more experienced shoppers are quicker than me, and seem to anticipate an opening. I’m left in their dust, destined to spend the maximum time waiting in line as possible, and my cart is positioned directly behind another delay just waiting to happen,
I finally work my way up to be second in line. Everyone else who surrounded me earlier has already left the store. I’m now excited to see that the woman in front of me has less than 10 items in her cart. I’m almost home free! A sense of calmness starts to settle in. The main errand in “Errand” day is almost over, and “Date Night” day delayed is the next scheduled function on my calendar. Then it happens: the “service assistance” light comes on for a price check. Finally, since each of those 10 items were glass, they are individually wrapped by the cashier. The woman is thankful that such care is taken to assure that they don’t get broken, while I’m fuming inside. How did I put myself in this position?
Finally, it’s my turn, as I’ve made it to the front. What could go wrong? Well, the cashier couldn’t get the anti-theft device off the toothbrush and once again had to hit the “need assistance” light to the horror of those behind me. When help finally arrived and the rest of my items were scanned, I inserted my chip card and entered my pin number. The keypad was apparently malfunctioning and recorded a wrong pin number. “Please notify your bank,” was the message, and everything needed to be reset, as fellow shoppers behind me began to roll their eyes and look for other options to move forward.
It was indeed an eventful “Errand” day, and the “Date Night” day make-good at Revelry was great. That is, until the dessert course when the D.J. showed up and cranked up the volume. I thought it was just me, the age-challenged dude who can’t tolerate loud music, but everyone at the tables around us seemed to scatter, as well. On our way out, they were all on the sidewalk, finishing their conversations that were rudely interrupted by the unexpected concert. A lot of younger diners were waiting in line for tables, so maybe it was just a way of clearing the way for them. It’s just another reason to take advantage of the early bird specials, and make sure you get a table, avoiding yet another line.
I can’t wait for “Lunch” day!
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