One of the great mysteries in owning this home are the smoke alarms. I’m not sure what they detect but tend to go off in the middle of the night, especially if we have company. It started just after we moved in, still waiting for our furniture to arrive from Portland while sleeping on an air mattress. At 2 a.m. on a weekend, when no one was around to answer the warranty hotline, they started to blare, with nothing to absorb the sound. It was ear shattering and Tally, our schnauzer, was in a panic. The best I could do was put her in the garage while I figured out how to turn them off. I did not yet have a ladder to remove the batteries and the breaker box proved futile. They eventually stopped chirping, then started again, also warning us of “fire” in an annoying mechanical voice. 

After a sleepless night, I went out and bought a ladder. I then called the electrician, and they promptly changed them all out, thinking they might be defective. Two weeks later, it happened again, almost at the same time in the middle of the night. This time, I was at least able to remove the batteries and stop the madness. Neighbors advised me to put in brand-name batteries rather than rely on the cheaper ones provided by the manufacturer. They also told me to remove all the little gnats from inside that seek the tiny blinking indicator light. However, it happened again, and we had the electrician replace all of them while still under warranty. 

Every once in a while, they will mysteriously go off as if haunted, always in the middle of the night, but I know the drill of removal and replacement, and mark the annual date on my calendar to perform all of this maintenance and install fresh batteries. Last night, we had guests that had just arrived from extensive travel in need of a good night’s sleep. Naturally, just after we all fell asleep, it started to blare, maybe because we had the doors open that allowed the bugs inside. Tally headed for the closet, covering her ears while I grabbed the ladder and pulled out the batteries. Everyone was naturally on edge as a result of this disturbance, so sleep came gradually, wary that the alarms might sound again. There was never any smoke to detect!