It’s hard to believe that someday my grandchildren could be my age or that I was once their age. I can barely remember being five but there are memories of a coat room in my kindergarten class where we would go collect our blankets for naptime. At thirteen, I was at Northside Junior High trying out for the track team as a hurdler because it was the shortest distance you could run. I hated running and they had eliminated the 60-yard dash that I excelled at in grade school. I had a quick, speedy start, so short distances were ideal, but I could not finish strong in the 100-yard dash. I also wasn’t flexible enough to be a hurdler and as a result didn’t make the track team. 

Probably the most monumental occasion of growing up came in high school, I had just gotten my learner’s permit at 16 and began to drive.  Later that year I would earn my license, completing the transition from trike, to bike, to car. It was the beginning of independence in that slow transition to manhood. Grades were my sole responsibility as I began to think about college and dating. At the same time, I couldn’t imagine any girl that might want to marry me – the kid with big ears, skinny legs, and glasses. 

Do I miss these moments of my childhood? I certainly wouldn’t want to go through it again. These were awkward times for me, troubled with insecurity, lack of confidence, immaturity, and low self-esteem. In my mind, I was always just slightly above average in all the things that mattered back then – popularity, sports, and looks, wanting to be smarter, more athletic, stronger, and irresistibly handsome. I envied those who excelled around me, while enduring some bullying, name-calling, and cruelty. As I look back, I actually was in the top 10% of my class, well-liked, and somewhat good-looking, but didn’t know it at the time. It was just never good enough and maybe still isn’t!

Has my life been different than imagined? There were three unstated expectations that my parents had for me. First, was to go to college (graduated from IUSB in 1973). Second, to get married (1973 and 2001). Third, to have and hold a career (too many to mention).  My folks were all about loyalty – one college, one marriage, and one workplace, a straight path to retirement. However, times had changed, and I never anticipated changing schools, wives, or jobs. Three schools, a child, two wives, and numerous jobs was much different from what I expected. I don’t regret that I strayed from the path of my parent’s initial guidance. With each fork in the road, I found a new side of me. I could have gone on and got more degrees, found a different career, and never married. Would I be happier? – probably not. It’s just that none of you would have existed to read my stories.